Politics

Vince Cable has succeeded by one measure at this year’s Lib Dem conference: he’s actually managed to make news. With his Boris-esque aside in his speech today, that Tory Brexiteers are guilty of inflicting ‘years of economic pain justified by the erotic spasm of leaving the EU’, he has, however briefly, drawn attention to a conference that few will be attending, and even fewer will realise is happening; a conference at which the highlight so far has been anti-Brexit campaigner Gina Miller telling the crowd of assembled Lib Dems that she’s not a Lib Dem. His quip does, nevertheless, reek of desperation. After their bruising years in coalition, the Lib Dems had hoped, after Brexit, that they could turn themselves into the party of the 48 per cent.

As so often these days, if you want real political insight, go to Mumsnet. In a web chat there today, John McDonnell has offered extensive proof that – whatever you think of his politics and policies – he is an extremely professional and skilful political communicator. Mumsnet, as Gordon Brown, Nick Clegg and countless others will remember, is about the toughest gig out there: you’re faced with a bombardment of questions ranging from traditional political analysis to deeply personal issues and of course humour, much of it biscuit-related. Striking the right tone is very, very hard. These days, Mumsnet is even harder for politicians because an awful lot of users there are (quite reasonably) very angry with politicians over transgender issues.

Picture the scene: it's Friday night at Chequers and the Prime Minister and her husband are letting their hair down. While relaxing by watching a quiz show and drinking a cup of tea, Philip May's flower knowledge falls short – and the Maybot is not impressed: Philip May: They are very nice chrysanthemums. Theresa May: They're not chrysanthemums. Philip: Dahlias! Why do I keep getting this wrong? Theresa: You keep calling dahlias, chrysanthemums Perhaps it's best if Philip sticks to his 'boy jobs'....

Loyalty, it used to be said, was the Tories’ secret weapon. No longer. Self-discipline has been discarded — along with commitments to lowering taxes, being strong on defence and keeping the streets safe. The Conservatives appear to have abandoned all of their beliefs and transformed into the party of Brexit. But, it seems, they can’t even get that right. Brexit is one of the most important projects any government has undertaken in our postwar history — a task that has been entrusted to Conservative MPs, most of whom voted against Brexit. The Prime Minister and her Chancellor, her Foreign Secretary and her Home Secretary all argued during the referendum campaign that leaving the EU would be a disaster.

‘I’d like a copy of the Times,’ said the visitor from the south. ‘Yesterday’s or today’s?’ the shopkeeper asked. ‘Today’s, of course.’ ‘Come back tomorrow.’ Life on Unst has its idiosyncrasies, but personally, I blame the weather forecasters for giving the nation the impression that the place may not even exist. Their London-centric maps of Britain, showing Scotland fading into the distance, leave us off entirely. Not surprising, as we are the most northern of the Shetland Islands and nearer Bergen than Aberdeen. Newcastle is to us the deep south. Yet we hold a key position in defence.

When Boris Johnson compared Theresa May’s Brexit plan to wrapping a suicide vest around Britain’s constitution, the harshest response came from a fellow Tory MP, Tom Tugendhat, who tweeted: ‘A suicide bomber murdered many in the courtyard of my office in Helmand. The carnage was disgusting, limbs and flesh hanging from trees and bushes. Brave men who stopped him killing me and others died in horrific pain. Some need to grow up. Comparing the PM to that isn’t funny.’ The response was a reminder of how high feelings are running in the Conservative party — and that Tugendhat is not one to pull his punches.