Steerpike

The Makerfield test was meant to be at the heart of Andy Burnham’s government. When Burnham was elected as an MP back in June, he said: ‘A Makerfield test at the heart of British politics will make sure that the places Westminster has neglected will now get fairness.’ Mr S wonders if Burnham has applied it to his latest pronouncement that the United Kingdom could rejoin the European Union after the Prime Minister told the BBC he will consider ‘going all the way’ after the next election.

The ‘far-left and Islamist’ organisation Friends of al-Aqsa lavished praise on Red Ed Miliband on the sidelines of Labour conference today. The group was banned at the last minute from officially hosting an event on Gaza at the annual socialist jamboree – but simply pressed ahead with a panel near the conference venue anyway. When the Labour conference guide was published earlier this month, Friends of al-Aqsa was listed as holding a fringe event hosted by the group’s founder and chair, Ismail Patel. But it was pulled following a backlash. Friends of al-Aqsa describes itself as an NGO ‘demanding political change for Palestine’. A Home Office-commissioned report in 2024 described it as a ‘far-left and Islamist’ organisation.

A Labour government aide has suggested that Britain should spend billions of pounds compensating developing countries whose citizens come to work in the NHS. Dr Beccy Cooper, a parliamentary private secretary in the Cabinet Office, told a Labour conference fringe event that G20 states should ‘continue’ discussions on an agreement requiring wealthy countries that recruit foreign-trained health workers to invest proportionately in the health systems and workforces of the nations from which they recruit. Cooper said: ‘We have some incredible support workers, some incredible development people, and we really need to say, hang on a second, we very much benefit from people coming to work in our National Health Service.

Ahead of Labour conference, Andy Burnham took to the regional airwaves today for a shameless exercise in pandering to the party faithful. Kicking off by bending the knee to Remainers, the Prime Minister declared that Brexit was to blame for the small-boats crisis. Asked by the BBC about the continuing border farce, Burnham responded: I do point to the loss of collaboration with neighbours that came with Brexit. That hasn’t helped. We had a more cooperative system, if you like, in the past, so we are not able to have the same levels of collaboration that we used to have. But I don’t put that forward as a reason why we won’t keep working until we get the crossings right down.

Zack Polanski was heckled by furious residents of Holborn and St Pancras at a Jewish community hustings this evening. The former breast-enhancer was met with boos and jeers as he repeated his claim that the war in Gaza amounts to a ‘genocide’ – and accused those in the room who disagreed of ‘making themselves less safe’. At the hustings, hosted by the Board of Deputies, Polanski bent the knee to the Islamist and woke voters he is so desperate to charm by declaring himself an ‘anti-Zionist’. He told the North London room: ‘I’m an anti-Zionist. I think countries have always been ideas and I think things change over time.’ The audience responded with disgust. There was, at least, some light comic relief amid nightmare Polanski’s ramblings.

Muslim activists in Birmingham have set their sights on national treasure John Cleese, demanding the comedian be cancelled over so-called ‘Islamophobia’. A group calling itself ‘Deenified’ released a video on social media berating the Fawlty Towers star for ‘using your platforms to attack Islam’ and calling for his Birmingham comedy show, part of a wider national tour, to be banned. The relatively young bearded activists accuse Cleese of ‘spreading dangerous misinformation and creating hostility towards Muslims’. One chap warns that ‘saying things like Islam is all about killing… isn’t comedy’. He declares: ‘That’s hate speech and you’re just a hate preacher.

As if MPs haven't wasted enough time on Gaza, a select committee has found another pressing national crisis to investigate: why Britain is so crap at Eurovision. The Digital, Media and Sport committee will probe the country’s ‘dismal’ record, examining how songs and acts are selected for the musical jamboree. Westminster has finally found a subject on which it can speak with authority: public humiliation. In May, UK act Look Mum No Computer came last with a pitiful one point. In 2023, ultra-woke songstress Mae Mullet finished second from bottom, while James Newman came last in 2021. The BBC is responsible for selecting our acts. An embarrassing performance, inflicted on the public at its own expense? At least the corporation is sticking to what it knows.

Zack Polanski was left red-faced at City Hall this morning after Sadiq Khan answered a question from the Green leader in Urdu. In a cringeworthy bid to woo Muslim voters across the country, Polanski this week released a campaign video for the Holborn and St Pancras by-election in which he butchered Pakistan’s national language. Fewer than 200 people in the constituency use Urdu as their main language, but the Green leader evidently thought his linguistic gymnastics would establish him as a better voice for Muslims than the actual Muslim Labour candidate running for the seat. Today, the Mayor of London decided to put Polanski’s newfound proficiency to the test.

Ooh là là, Zack Polanski is at it again. Two days after his Urdu campaign video landed with a thud, the Green leader has returned with a sequel, this time en français. The accent, Mr S hears, has already caused quite a stir across the Channel – off the coast of Calais, a small boat has turned back in confusion. In the clip, proudly displayed on his feed, Polanski tells the good citizens of Holborn and St Pancras that the Greens have forced the government into a U-turn, before urging them to back him on 8 October. The French is, er, a work in progress: barely a sentence goes by without a slip. In terms of charm offensives, it seems to be more offensive than charming. Perhaps stick to Urdu, Zack?