Steerpike

The news that Hull has been crowned the UK’s City of Culture for 2017 was discussed at PMQs. The PM extolled the virtues of the city, and made special mention of native eighties alt rockers The Housemartins. However, with a crashing sense of inevitability, the band’s founder, Paul Heaton, was unhappy with the endorsement: ‘Well, apparently David Cameron likes ‘London 0 Hull 4’. Which part of the attack on his policies and rich friends did he like best???’  The poor wee lamb ranted for a while about Thatcherism, and then concluded: ‘Cameron has ruined my day.’ My heart bleeds. Still, you would have thought that Cameron might have learned his music lesson by now.

Congratulations to Labour’s Gavin Shuker for some spectacular brown nosing. The Luton MP has thrilled readers of his blog with an account of him playing the ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?’ boardgame. It’s a riveting read: ‘I worked my way through all fifteen questions effortlessly, and nailed that £1 million – much to the annoyance of everyone else playing. But then again, they should have seen it coming. It really helps when your phone a friend can feature Ed Balls on economics, Douglas Alexander on geography, and Andy Burnham on the NHS.’ He concludes that he’s ‘one of life’s winners’. Pass the sick bucket.

Foaming at the mouth is rarely a good sign. In dogs, it can indicate nausea, anxiety or (at worst) rabies. But what about in a Leader of the Opposition? Should we be nervous? During an interview with Sky News today, Ed Miliband was visibly frothing at the mouth, while explaining how he has 'embarked on a major reform' of the Labour party. Steerpike would like to suggest two diagnoses. One: that in future, Miliband should delay the post-lunch interview to avoid further frothing. And two: that the Tories can cut back on their campaign to paint Miliband as unprimeministerial. He does the work for them.

The Sunday Sport, that esteemed paper of record, has replied to Ed Miliband in the matter of Ralph Miliband killing a kitten with a bicycle during WW2, which Miliband described while accepting one of our Parliamentarian of the Year awards last week. The paper says: ‘A WIDOW whose beloved pet kitten was KILLED by the Marxist Dad of Ed Miliband is demanding a face-to-face meeting with the Labour leader. Last month we revealed how the late academic Ralph Miliband ran over Eunice Clark’s  pet Winston while drunkenly riding his bicycle in 1944. Eunice, now 78, was only nine then - but time has failed to ease the upset of losing her cat, which she’d received only weeks before as a Christmas present.

John Bercow has opened a new front in his war with Tory MPs: he has apparently withdrawn the very fine Speaker Bercow’s Whisky from the gift shop in Parliament. The £30 10 year old single malt was a favourite Tory tipple, and not only for the amusement of joke toasts to Bercow but because it was actually drinkable. The troops are already convinced that Bercow is biased, and they cannot stand his pomposity. Could being forced back on the £23 House of Commons blended scotch be the final humiliation? UPDATE: Good news! The Speaker's minions have been in touch to inform Mr S that the whisky is still on sale, despite the lamentations of various Tory MPs.

Ed Miliband stole the show at this year's Spectator Parliamentarian of the Year awards. The Labour leader, who won a new prize called Political Speech of the Year (for the energy freeze pledge, which ‘transformed his fortunes’), took the chance to read out a Sunday Sport story which accused his ‘Belgian communist’ father of ‘killing a cat’ when cycling through the British countryside during the war. Ed charmed the crowd by being funny, good on camera and, you know, normal. Home Secretary Theresa May, who took the Politician of the Year award, despite her recent burka-related difficulties, was a hoot.

It was PR guru Matthew Freud's 50th birthday on Saturday: he and his wife, Elisabeth Murdoch, hosted a fairly lavish party. But would Westminster's finest attend? Guests were struck to see the Prime Minister and the Chancellor both in attendance, evidently quite happy to rejoin the social set that they have both kept clear of in recent years. Tony and Cherie Blair were also tripping the light fantastic. It was, after all, a Noah's Ark theme and they came in twos: PM and Osborne, Blairs, Naomi Campbell and Kate Moss. Perhaps the Chancellor is so confident that his pre-Budget report will be a festival of good news that he feels he can start partying again. After some initial confusion, Downing Street confirmed that Cameron attended the bash.