Steerpike

Steerpike

Steerpike is The Spectator's gossip columnist, serving up the latest tittle tattle from Westminster and beyond. Email tips to steerpike@spectator.co.uk or message @MrSteerpike

Tuesday

Steerpike

Help! | 15 October 2013

When did Sir Paul McCartney become so shifty? The ‘National Treasure’ has been on Sky News promoting his latest album. There were more than a few awkward, if not downright embarrassing, moments. Take when he was talking about young talent today. ‘I think these bands are great. I like One Direction,’ the former Beatle said. ‘They’re young beautiful boys and that’s the big attraction, but they can sing and they make good records.’ Leaning in, he added: ‘so that’s what I would see in common [with the Beatles], you know, that girls love them and you can fantasise that you’re going to marry them…or whatever.’ Macca's trademark cheeky look worked when he was a young man. But in a 71 year old?

Steerpike

A trio of woes

It started with the terrible news that the first tiger cub to be born at London Zoo in seventeen years had been found drowned in a pool in the enclosure. Then it emerged that Tian Tian, the panda at Edinburgh Zoo, is no longer expecting a cub. And just when you thought that the day could not get any sadder, it has emerged that Kenneth Branagh has missed out on his dream of emulating Sir Laurence Olivier as Director of the National Theatre. Such tragedies always come in threes.

Steerpike

YouGov’s undercover conference

This year's party conference season was hardly memorable, but YouGov's Joe Twyman seems to have made the most of what was on offer. In a post on the polling organisation's website, Twyman writes: 'At the Labour conference in Brighton I met someone who, it subsequently transpired, had even gone as far as having ‘It’s the Economy, Stupid’ tattooed on her body, albeit out of public view.' Mr Steerpike is intrigued by how it 'subsequently transpired' to Twyman that this woman had a private tattoo on her body.

Steerpike

What the frack?

According to the weird and wonderful folk at Greenpeace, the home of the longest running magazine in the English language is sitting on a gold mine. A black gold mine. Using sophisticated web technology, Greenpeace have created mapping software of Britain’s lucrative shale reserves. Simply enter your postcode to find out if you are set to become the next Beverley Hillbillies. Keying in 22 Old Queen Street, SW1H 9HP (the Speccie’s address), creates this stuffy response: ‘Bad news, you live in an area that could get fracked’. Bad news? Bad news? We are ecstatic. Frack baby, frack!

Monday

Steerpike

Lib Dem spinner: Damian McBride saved my life

Phil Reilly, a Lib Dem spinner, was hit by a car earlier today. He says that a hardback copy of Power Trip by Damian McBride, contained in a bag slung over his shoulder, took the brunt of the impact. 'It's possible a copy of @DPMcBride's book saved my life,' he tweeted. Readers will recall that Telegraph hack Matthew Holehouse survived being hit by a car last month when he ran across a road in Brighton to witness copies of McBride's book being sold. Mr Steerpike recommends that Damian McBride fronts a road safety campaign.

Steerpike

Who wants to be Deputy Speaker?

A new Deputy Speaker of the House of Commons will be elected on Wednesday. Eleanor Laing is said to be the favourite; but Mr S has been reading the runes for the other candidates. Henry Bellingham surprised colleagues by giving a solid speech last week that, according to one backbencher, was ‘witty and had gravitas’. Bellingham, though, is probably too posh to pick up Labour votes. I detect a growing element of ‘who does Simon Burns think he is’ among Tory MPs: Burns is just out of government and now he wants to march straight into a new paid job. Burns is probably seen as too close to the government to pick up significant numbers of Labour votes; but he does have a notoriously rocky relationship with John Bercow, which may win him the jokers’ vote.

Steerpike

What do you think of the EU now, Sir Richard?

So goodbye then, Sir Richard Branson. Just one question before you go: will you, from the comfort of your sunny Caribbean tax haven, continue to lecture us about the merits of remaining in the ruinously expensive EU? It would look a little off, no?

Friday

Steerpike

Further proof that politicians can occasionally be funny

On Wednesday I brought you the news that a politician could actually be funny occasionally. Many of you were shocked, disparaging or simply could not agree, so here is the case for the defence. I've got hold of the video of  Nick Clegg's comedy turn at the LBC 40th Birthday party, so you can be the judge. Eat your heart out, 'Slacker Johnson'.

Thursday

Steerpike

Ruff justice at the Westminster Dog of the Year competition

Off to the highlight of Mr Steerpike’s 2013, the Westminster Dog of the Year competition, where the pedigree chums of our elected representatives lined up to compete for a prestigious place on the podium. With Jake Berry’s standard poodle Lola taking a break from the competition after competing three years in a row, someone was needed to fill the role of Westminster Poodle – and Alan Duncan’s Noodle was more than willing to fill Lola’s pawprints.  Although strictly a Cockapoo, so only half poodle (very on-trend, don’t you know), Noodle had gone all-out with her campaigning, even going so far at to write her very own ‘Dogifesto’.

Steerpike

New minister’s crackdown on beefy builders baring big bottoms

It's been a busy first few days in the new job for Jane Ellison, who took over as Public Health Minister this week. She's been dealing with big bottoms - those belonging to builders and hanging over trousers, no less. A cheeky press release from the Department of Health - which features a man with the title 'Britain's favourite builder', Tommy Walsh - this afternoon announced 'Britain's beefy builders say bye bye to baring bottoms', adding that 'the image of the bottom baring, overweight builder is being replaced by workers who are hands-on well-oiled machines'. Once you get to the, er, bottom, of what on earth the department is talking about, you find that this is simply a new pledge to help construction workers become more healthy, not some sort of ban on big bottoms.

Steerpike

Damian McBride: press regulation ‘disgusts me’

It was one of those parties where it was more interesting to see who wasn't there, than who was. Last night, Damian McBride raised a glass at the Intercontinental in Westminster to his book Power Trip, which its publisher says is now on the third print run. After it dominated the Labour conference, it was no surprise that barely a single Labour MP turned up (save for Tom Watson, who free from the constraints of Shadow Cabinet, made his considerable presence felt). More interesting though were McBride's views on press regulation: ‘The journalists in this room do a fantastically important job, including the bloggers, who expose wrongdoing and hold people to account.

Wednesday

Steerpike

Another dodgy deal with Gaddafi

No, not Tony Blair in a big tent in the desert, but our man Taki in the Big Apple. In tomorrow's Spectator, Taki writes, with characteristic tact, on the Middle East. Mr Steerpike particularly liked this snippet: 'My friend Saif Gaddafi... was ‘detained’ while fleeing [Libya] and is held by some nice guys south of Tripoli. I call him my friend because we were introduced in New York four years ago and I mistook him for a coke dealer and politely asked if he had anything good.'  Apparently, he did not. The poor little Greek boy claims that Saif's gear was 'lousy'. Subscribers will enjoy this and more tomorrow. Non-subscribers can mend the error of their ways from just £1 an issue.

Steerpike

Matthew Parris: dangerous when sober

In his Times notebook today, Matthew Parris fires off a warning: don’t mess with me when I’m sober. On The World Tonight last Wednesday, he reveals, he had not had his customary evening drink, and was therefore sharper than usual towards the BBC panel. Drink mellows him, you see. Sobriety has the opposite effect. Which sets us up nicely for the forthcoming Spectator ‘STOP HS2!” debate, which will pit Matthew, who supports High Speed Rail, against Nigel Farage, who doesn't. Where Matthew calms when mixed with alcohol, Farage notoriously becomes more vociferous with each pint. The Spectator Events team has assured me that Matthew will be kept dry until the event is over, but that 'Farage can be well plied’. So bring it on!

Steerpike

Nick Clegg upstages Boris as the funnyman

Take note of the date Tuesday 8 October 2013, for it was on this day a politician actually made a funny joke. Giving a speech at the fortieth birthday party for London’s talk radio station, Boris Johnson described LBC as the ‘the teaming womb of broadcast radio’, quoted Plato and labelled the Office of Deputy Prime Minister as ‘entirely ceremonial’. And the Mayor had cause to be needled by Clegg. The Liberal leader had just given a far funnier star turn. Recording a video for the party, Clegg lamented about his weekly radio call in on the station ‘I have to listen to people banging on about crime and immigration every week... that’s before I’ve even left cabinet'.

Tuesday

Steerpike

Austerity, what austerity?

Where better to celebrate the launch of a book about Britain’s age of austerity than in the gritty surroundings of 5 Hertford Street, quipped Standard Editor Sarah Sands last night as she threw a party for the launch of Matthew d’Ancona’s In it Together. Luckily the Chancellor had already worked the room and ducked out early to head to Washington for the IMF meeting before the speeches. No doubt the opposition would love to see the snaps of the Austerity Chancellor mingling in Robin Birley’s latest nightspot...

Steerpike

Tony Hall hosts BBC version of Friends Reunited

Mr Steerpike was sitting in the auditorium at New Broadcasting House, waiting for Tony Hall to unveil his plans for the BBC. Lord Hall was expected to announce further cuts to the corporation's vast bureaucracy, as part of an efficiency drive necessitated by the decision to freeze the licence fee until 2017. Mr S was, therefore, amused to overhear the following conversation between two BBC employees as they took their seats: ‘Hello Rodney.’ ‘Hello Charles.’ ‘Haven’t seen you for twenty years!’ ‘No. What have you been up to?’ Mr S wondered how many other members of the corporation were taking part in this version of Friends Reunited.

Monday

Steerpike

‘Stella Greasy’ and the enterprising Minister for Enterprise

It’s been a mixed day for two of the pushiest MPs of the 2010 intake. Widely tipped for great things (usually by himself), Tory Matt Hancock has climbed another step of the ladder by becoming a minister of state. The former Osborne apparatchik has been appointed Minister for Enterprise, which may reflect his enterprising spirit. Asked recently where he got his ghastly watch (pictured above), Hancock replied: ‘from a pawn shop’. How very ‘in touch’. No such luck for Hancock’s ambitious equivalent on the Labour benches. Stella Creasy was expected to be promoted to the Shadow Cabinet.

Steerpike

Chris Skidmore: the eligible bachelor?

Historian turned Tory MP Chris Skidmore will be hoping for something good in today's reshuffle, especially after he was bigged up by Michael Gove from the stage at the Tory Conference last week as an old friend and one to watch on the backbenches. Praising his former adviser’s brain, the Education Secretary added ‘and most importantly of all ladies, he’s an eligible bachelor’. Which will come as news to Skidmore’s fiancé.

Friday

Steerpike

Mehdi Hasan: Please, please, please can I work for the Daily Mail!

Observe (above) one Mehdi Hasan in full flow on last night’s Question Time. Then look at the tweets below from the Mail’s Tim Shipman. Try not to cackle; it's rude. Mehdi Hasan, who so vociferously attacked the Daily Mail on Question Time, asked for a job in 2010 & praised the paper equally floridly — Tim Shipman (Mail) (@ShippersUnbound) October 4, 2013   @mehdirhasan to Paul Dacre, asking for a column: 'The Mail has a vitally important role to play in the national debate.' — Tim Shipman (Mail) (@ShippersUnbound) October 4, 2013   Mehdi Hasan told Paul Dacre: 'I admire your relentless focus on the need for integrity and morality in public life.