Steerpike is The Spectator's gossip columnist, serving up the latest tittle tattle from Westminster and beyond. Email tips to steerpike@spectator.co.uk or message @MrSteerpike
Congratulations to Mr and Mrs Treasury. HMT has today announced the appointment of Sharon White, the current Director General over at Horseguards, as Second Permanent Secretary. Who she? Well, she's none other than the wife of Robert Chote, the chief of the Office of Budget Responsibility. The OBR was set up in 2010 by George Osborne to provide independent analysis and advice on Treasury policy. It is meant to be completely independent, so no pillow talk please.
Readers will recall the sad demise of Tatler Alan, the cute pooch who came to a sticky end in a tragic accident involving the doors of Vogue House, where the magazine is based. Well, I am the bearer of happier news this time: the girls in pearls have a new canine recruit, Geoffrey, a puppy that seems just as sweet as his unlucky predecessor. So then. Happiness restored at last and a dark chapter in Bystander’s history closed. Just watch out for those revolving doors, Geoffrey.
Former Foreign Secretary Jack Straw was on today’s Daily Politics, gushing with pride that his son Will is Labour’s prospective parliamentary candidate for the seat of Rossendale and Darwen in Lancashire. Yet it seems that this piece of dynastic info was news to Auntie. Will Straw was on the BBC News Channel this morning, discussing energy prices, and there was no mention of his being a PPC. The presenter simply said, ‘Will Straw is Associate Director of the centre-left think tank the Institute for Public Policy Research.’ Mr S would have forgiven the presenter had he not asked: ‘the Labour Party is talking about a freeze on energy prices for two years. Would you go along with that?
'ello, 'ello, 'ello. What's all this, then? The Police Federation has been trying to distance itself from the three coppers who who were hauled before Parliament last week to explain why the secret recording of their meeting with former chief whip Andrew Mitchell bore little relation to their account of events. As PR Week puts it, 'While the federation has a duty to distribute the officers’ statements, it steered clear of endorsing their contents.' And, incidentally, beneath the officers' statement the federation included this line: 'The federation will not be offering facilities further than the above statement.
The Tories promised they would fix the roof while the sun was shining. It seems they are keeping their word for once. Although this crane, which came crashing down into the roof of the Cabinet Office in last night's megastorm, means poor Nick Clegg can't hold his much-anticipated monthly press conference. The press lobby are all bereft: what will they find to fill the downpage 'meanwhile, Nick Clegg' slot?
Is it the end of another yet another political eatery? Tory favourites Shepherd's, the Atrium and St Stephen’s Club in Westminster have shut up shop. Now the Gay Hussar, a famous Labour hangout in Soho, is up for auction. Not even the ample appetite of Charles Clarke, a regular, could keep the place afloat. The Hussar was the scene of much plotting over the years, and it is decorated with cartoons of Labour figures. As former Tribune editor Mark Seddon recommends: 'How about a diners' co-op?
A delightful anecdote in Jonathan Aitken's new biography of Margaret Thatcher, which is out today. Visiting the French estate of the late Jimmy Goldsmith in 1997, with Denis and Bill and Biddy Cash, Lady T posed for a photograph in front of the giant statue of Lenin that resides in the woodland of Montjeu. ‘I just want to show him we won,’ declared the late PM. History is written by the victors.
All London bus users are equal, but some are more equal than others. Especially if your name is Sir Peter Hendy. On his way to a meeting at the Houses of Parliament today, Mr Steerpike hears that Transport for London’s ‘Commissioner’ was so incensed that a bus had shut its doors and driven off before he could board that he spent the rest of his journey furiously reporting this outrage. From the comfort of a black cab. ‘What a little bastard grass’ my cabbie source said, pointing out Hendy went to great lengths to identify exactly which driver had upset him and demanding consequences. ‘Work at TfL do you?’ the taxi driver asked his fuming customer. ‘No, I run it’ came the curt reply.
That London Mayor has some cheek. In today's Daily Mail, Boris suggests that our occasional diarist Pippa Middleton has wimped out of the ping-pong match she challenged him to in the Spectator earlier this year. 'We have offered dates', he says, 'she has chickened.' Au contraire, Boris. Here's what really happened. The Spectator hounded Boris's office to arrange the contest at our offices in 22 Old Queen Street, but Team Boris insisted that the match should be held at a venue of their choosing. Fine, said Pippa, who is a good a sport. Eventually a date was agreed — 12 September — but BJ pulled out. Fair enough, he's a busy man; the Spectator suggested that Team Boris propose another date, but things have gone very quiet at the City Hall end. So who's chicken, really?
Is Boris trying to imitate David Cameron? The Mayor of London usually likes to leave the Prime Minister wriggling awkwardly by stealing any show going, but today Boris seemed to be taking a leaf out of his rival's book. Both men have recently fessed up to needing glasses, and at his select committee appearance today, the Mayor seemed to be emulating Cameron by awkwardly taking his new eyewear on and off throughout the session.
Lord Patten, the Chairman of the BBC Trust, rarely looks thrilled when being scrutinised, but he was particularly grumpy in front of the Culture Media and Sport Select Committee today. He said sullenly that Rob Wilson, the tenacious Tory MP, has written to the BBC some 64 times in the past year with Savile-related questions. Wilson is famed in Westminster for his Watsonian commitment to letter-writing and truth-seeking, so Patten's jibe fell flat. Meanwhile, Patten was unable to answer questions regarding the continuing mystery over why key evidence about ex-BBC Director General Mark Thompson was excluded from Nick Pollard's £3 million review of the BBC's handling of the Savile affair.
Sir Brian Leveson, who has ascended from his inquiry podium to President of the Queen’s Bench Division and Chairman of the Sentencing Council, seems to be getting a taste for public appearances. Last week he frustratingly stonewalled two parliamentary committees who had the temerity to ask for some post-publication thoughts on his report into the press, saying 'I am a serving judge. It would be absolutely inappropriate for me to come back into the question of my report or regulation of the Press.' A parliamentarian, Philip Davies, called him a ‘berk’ in consequence. Mr S has heard a few of the good judge's learned friends express a similar view over the years.
It has been an eventful afternoon at the Western Mail and South Wales Echo. As seen in the screen grab above, Wales Online, the papers' online variant, reported (and tweeted) that the Prime Minister resigned at 16:33 today. It was a 'shock' resignation and the government was 'rocked' by the news, apparently. As you'd expect for such breaking news, the piece quickly garnered traffic from Facebook and Twitter. But, Cameroons will be relieved to hear, it was only a test: Apologies to anyone who saw that unfortunately published article just now - a training exercise never intended to see the light of day.
Among the more bizarre parts of Natalie Rowe’s Chief Whip, of which Mr S wrote earlier, is her alleged encounter with Marvin Gaye. The scribbling dominatrix even claims that she sang a duet with the deceased singer while they were on their way to buy cocaine at six in the morning: ‘As we walked an idea hit me. “Marvin?” “Yeah.” “Could we sing a duet?” “Sure. What do you want to sing?” “You Are Everything.” I cleared my throat and started to sing and he sang back. It had been a long night and our throats weren’t at their freshest but, as he held my hand as we sang in the summer dawn, I thought this had to be one of the most serene moments of my life.
The only question on lips this morning: Who is Joe? This mysterious character lurks on the pages of a new book by Natalie Rowe, a former prostitute and dominatrix who was once photographed with George Osborne. Rowe will only confirm that ‘Joe’ was ‘a young politician’ when she knew him and that he became a minister. It has been made very clear that ‘Joe’ is not the Chancellor of the Exchequer, so who is he? ‘There was a spark of attraction between us. We once had a snog at one of my parties and, as we chatted, he told me he’d never had a black girl before. Not because he didn’t want to, just because he never had the chance.
The moment that a Downing Street spokesman recommended wearing a jumper to reduce high energy bills, you knew that two things would happen. As sure as night follows day, the Labour leader spun a line criticising the ‘out of touch government’: Their crime policy used to be ‘hug a hoodie’. Now their energy policy appears to be ‘wear a hoodie’ - @Ed_Miliband — Labour Press Team (@labourpress) October 18, 2013 Then the internet spent Friday afternoon in stitches: Cameron heard about #jumpergate whilst in his car. Pull over!
Right on types at the Indy look away now. It would appear that your trendy new editor, Amol Rajan, is a supporter of the Countryside Alliance. He appeared on the Daily Politics recently sporting an alliance branded tie. Mr Steerpike hears that when this was pointed out to Rajan in the Green Room by Ukip MEP Roger Helmer, Rajan denied all knowledge of the green, deer-horned number. Apparently, he bought it from a charity shop for sixty pence. I'm not sure whether that says more about the Countryside Alliance, the shop or the Indy editor.
First Ed Miliband was papped with a teenager holding a ‘bong’ (above). Now the Labour leader is being offered dope on the street by passing fans. According to the Ham & High, little Ed and his team believed that builder Robert Quinn had offered them his ‘last Rolo’ on a walkabout in Camden. In fact, Quinn had offered his ‘last rollie’, referring to a joint. And there was Mr Steerpike thinking that they must be smoking something already.
The European Commission, having done nothing about recent Spanish sabre rattling over the self-determination of Gibraltar, has launched a full investigation into the Gibraltarian tax system. And who heads up the department that has launched this EU investigation? Señor Almunia. And what country does he come from? Have a guess.
Epping Forest has erupted into scenes of jubilation after Eleanor Laing won the Deputy Speaker election. The Tory MP remained composed as MPs kissed and patted her on her £36,360 pay rise.