Offer me
‘But what can you offer me?’
‘Not just a nursery place. It’s never too early to get his name down for an NHS dentist.’
‘Unfortunately we can’t afford a gun to go with it.’
‘I’ve been expecting you, Mr Bond’
‘On the bright side, women’s sport has got a lot faster...’
‘He’s taken up beer and fags to make himself more popular with voters.’
‘I think I preferred fake news.’
‘I think we should get rid of our DEI measures.’
‘I’m required to score your pain levels from 0 to ten, 0 being no pain...’
‘We don’t say mad, Caspar – they’re March hares with complex mental health issues.’
‘Here comes our kettle.’
‘He ruined it with too many spin-offs.’
‘No, that’s a weight loss pen. I have a pen pen somewhere...’
‘It’s not the first time she’s gone missing, but she’s never taken my Oyster card before.’
‘Yes Mr Musk, if Daisy doesn’t present a list of her completed chores she can’t have any pizza...’
‘I can’t wait to go outside to see if the humans have obliterated themselves.’
Writer’s block