Spectator Life

It is, England cricket fans must remember, only one match in a five-Test series. They began the Ashes needing to win three Tests and the requirement remains the same despite the humiliation in Perth. There is still a reason to get up at 4 a.m. tomorrow for the next game. Lightning need not strike twice, even if the foolhardy way that England bat reminds me of Terry Pratchett’s line about the man who stands on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting: ‘All gods are bastards!’ Even those who made an 18,000-mile round trip to see the Ashes begin two weeks ago and got three extra days of sightseeing along the Swan River should cling to the fact that England were competitive at halfway.

Trainers Harry Derham and Emma Lavelle will almost certainly leave their mark at Newbury over the next two days. Whereas Britain’s most successful trainers target the Cheltenham Festival in March with their elite horses, this talented pair are more realistic and aim their best horses at this two-day meeting. For both handlers it is their local track, prize money is good and the racecourse is fair to horses so there are plenty of reasons for wanting to single out the meeting. The problem from a punting point of view is which of their horses to back. Derham is due to have six runners over the two days, while Lavelle is due to have no less than nine over the same period. I will start with today’s card.

My friend Allan Lamb calls me a ‘cricket tragic’, a back-handed compliment from a former English international cricketer. So the prospect of flying out to Australia and watching the first Ashes Test in Perth was too seductive to ignore. I knew pretty early on that the cost was going to be exorbitant. A gruelling 24-hour flight – and therefore serious jet lag – meant that either a premium economy or a business-class airfare was necessary. But as this was a bucket-list moment I indulged in the latter. Then hotel prices during an Ashes Test were inevitably ramped up and six nights at an ordinary inner-city hotel ended up costing twice as much as the norm.

Herefordshire trainer Tom Symonds has his string in fine form with four winners from his last eight runners for a strike rate of 50 per cent over the past fortnight. Even his supposed no-hoper Gaelic Saint comfortably outran her odds at Warwick yesterday when second at 50-1 in a mares’ novices’ hurdle. Tomorrow one of Symonds’s stable stars NAVAJO INDY will try to keep up the good work for the yard at Haydock when he contests the Betfair Stayers’ Handicap Hurdle (2.25 p.m.) in search of a first prize to winning connections of nearly £57,000.

The Ashes start this week. If, as an England supporter, you were given the following two choices, which would you pick? First: England win the series 5-0. Second: the series ebbs and flows, the teams arrive in Sydney locked at 2-2, the match goes down to the final hour of the final day, and England lose. If you went for the second option, you’re my kind of fan. I’ve always preferred to see my team (or player) lose narrowly than win easily. Sport is there to entertain us. This is the supporter equivalent of ‘It’s not the winning, it’s the taking part that counts’. As a fan, you get excited by the process rather than the result. Nowhere is this truer than in Test cricket.

Fairly heavy rain fell at Cheltenham overnight and there is a lot more to come today. If there is anything near the predicted 30mm of the wet stuff over 24 hours, the ground could easily turn to heavy which, whether racing is over jumps or the flat, tends to make the results something of a lottery. Of course, punters have to concentrate on horses that have won or run well in very soft conditions but it is not always as simple as that. Today’s Grade 2 Schloer Chase (2.55 p.m.) is an intriguing contest and sees the return of Jonbon, who is trying to win this race for the third year running. Nicky Henderson’s admirable chaser will not mind the soft ground but he has never been his best at Cheltenham.

I’m 11 years old, and I’m crouched inside the broken shell of a former London bus. It’s my friend’s birthday party. He turns 12 today, and he has just been shot. Not by a real bullet, of course, but by a paintball. I look over at his father, who is busy reloading his gun’s hopper. ‘This is my paintball gun,’ he murmurs. ‘There are many like it, but this one is mine. My paintball gun is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it…’ Without warning, his father springs up like a sleeper agent given their activation trigger and unleashes a barrage of bullets (paintballs) on a fleeing group of squealing ten-year-olds. ‘Ooh-rah!’ he shouts. ‘Get some!’ Welcome to the strange world of paintball parties.

This afternoon, just shy of 75,000 fans of American football will flood in to watch the Atlanta Falcons take on the Indianapolis Colts, in what is set to be the Colts’ largest attendance for a home game this season. A few weeks ago, more than 86,000 turned out to watch the Jacksonville Jaguars face the LA Rams in what was the Jaguars’ best-attended home game this year. The most surprising thing about this? Both games were taking place more than 4,000 miles from the NFL’s heartland – one in Berlin, one in London. Recently, Sean Thomas claimed on Spectator Life that America has failed to export its ‘laughable’ sports.

The first race of the season over the Grand National fences at Aintree takes place tomorrow when 17 runners are due to line up for the William Hill Grand Sefton Handicap Chase (2.40 p.m.). A good case can be made for the first three in the betting: King Turgeon, White Rhino and Johnnywho. The former won this race a year ago before showing further improvement later in the season, whereas the other two have clearly been targeted at this contest for some time and are potential improvers. If one of them wins at around 5-1, then so be it but I would prefer to look for value elsewhere. At first glance, OUR POWER was not an immediate pick for this race having been running well at distances of up to four miles last season, whereas tomorrow’s contest is over only two miles five furlongs.

Poor Tom Daley. The cherubic diver, who dazzled as a 14-year-old at the Peking Olympics, turning the heads of Chinese girls like spinning jennies, seems to have banged his head on the board once too often. He won friends everywhere with his easy manner and Colgate smile. The boy next door, people thought, who ran errands for neighbours and lit candles on feast days. But it gets them all in the end, celebrity. He’s gone bonkers. Daley is now 31 and based in California, where he claims to have found a contentment which eluded him in his sporting endeavours, despite grabbing a gold medal at Tokyo five years ago. The pup from Devon has become a transatlantic crasher.

The results of last weekend’s races provided a reminder that it is impossible to know which horses are fit enough to do themselves justice on their first runs of the season. Several trainers sent their horses to Cheltenham thinking they would run well on their seasonal debut only to be disappointed. Three horses tipped in this column a week ago were among those to under-perform first time out. So this weekend I am going to be more cautious. One horse that has already had a run this season, and a winning one at that, is INDEMNITY in the 12-runner Lavazza Handicap Hurdle (Ascot, tomorrow 3.10 p.m.). This improving five-year-old gelding is a consistent performer and he is now on a hat-trick.

Football has a problem: there isn’t enough football. The world’s most popular thing is too popular. Fans seem to find it ludicrous that our entertainment is constrained by flesh and blood, that we can’t – like with everything else – just watch live football when we feel like it. It started to get like this when Sky bought the Premier League rights and set up the Sky Sports channels. They had realised people really like this stuff. People like it enough for you to air football content endlessly. Throughout the 2000s came Premier League Years, where people could watch football that happened ten years ago.

The time seems right to move from the flat to the jumps for tipping purposes. Qipco-sponsored Champions Day at Ascot is not the end of the flat season and the first day of racing at Cheltenham today does not mark the start of the National Hunt season but there is no more appropriate moment to switch. There have been highs and lows on the betting front this flat season but overall the former have outweighed the latter. In fact, it has been my most successful season yet as a tipster under the Penworthy pseudonym, with a profit of more than 84 points. It was certainly satisfying to tip the winners of the Derby, Ascot Gold Cup and the Arc, all at decent prices, plus to land two other Royal Ascot winners at 25-1 and 16-1.

I’m in an urban park surrounded by fast-food outlets: Taco Bell, the Golden Arches, KFC, Starbucks. The sound system is blasting out raucous rap music; all the men are in blingy sportswear, baseball caps, Nike shoes. I can see big shiny billboards advertising iPhones, Pepsi Max or the latest Marvel movies. In short, I could be almost anywhere in the world – Australia, Brazil, Germany – such is the power of American exports: soft and hard, cultural and consumerist, Coke to Tesla to Friends. And yet I know I’m in America, specifically in the SoFi Stadium, Los Angeles, because I’m about to encounter the one thing America has, peculiarly, not been able to export, not with any great success: American sport. And I want to work out why.

As a general betting principle, the idea of ‘horses for courses’ is a good one. It is indisputable that some horses run better at one course than another. This may be because of the nature of the track – undulating or flat, sharp bends or straight – or simply the make-up of the ground itself, particularly if the difference is as striking as between grass and an all-weather artificial surface. I have no idea why DOCKLANDS runs so well at Ascot but there is no doubt he is several lengths better at the Berkshire track than anywhere else in the country. His form figures from seven runs at Ascot now reads: 1132221. Two of his three wins at Ascot came at the royal meeting, no less.

Elitism has had a bad press in recent years. The concept has, alas, been tainted by its association with the numerous elites who have corrupted it by allowing self-interest and prejudice to become self-perpetuating. It’s been sullied by its association with old school ties and masonic-style handshakes – by closed networks which work to exclude those who happen to fall outside the pre-determined in-group. So no wonder we don’t like it any more. Who would? But its gravest sin of all has been its role in pulling up the drawbridge to protect privilege in general, through a kind of unspoken fish-knife test. If you don’t know what it’s for, you don’t get in. One way people used to storm the castle of privilege was through grammar schools, of course.

Newmarket trainer Harry Eustace is a master at targeting his best horses at big races. If there were those who did not know it before this year’s Royal Ascot, they certainly knew it afterwards. He landed two winners at the five-day meeting from his relatively-small string: Docklands (put up at 25-1 in this blog) at 14-1 and Time for Sandals at 25-1. One of his near misses at the meeting was Divine Comedy who was a close fifth in the Ascot Stakes over two and a half miles despite a troubled run in the home straight. Ever since that run, tomorrow’s Club Godolphin Cesarewitch (Newmarket 3.40 p.m.) has been the end-of-season target for this seven-year-old mare.

If you are a horse racing fan but have never been to Longchamp racecourse to watch the Qatar Prix de l’Arc de Triomphe, rectify that at some point and enjoy a long weekend in Paris at the same time. The course, set on the edge of the Bois de Boulogne, is delightful, the crowds for Europe’s biggest flat race are always manageable and, all in all, it’s a wonderful experience. As for this year’s contest (Sunday, 3.05 p.m.), it is open with plenty of foreign horses from Britain, Ireland and Japan trying to prise the race from the grasp of local French trainers, just as British handler Ralph Beckett did a year ago with Bluestocking. The draw for this race is usually hugely influential, with low numbers considerably favoured.

Trainer Jack Channon knows what it takes to win Newmarket’s bet365 Cambridgeshire (tomorrow, 3.40 p.m.) having been assistant to his father, Mick, when the stable won the race three years ago with Majestic. Majestic, now seven and still in the yard that Channon took over from his dad at the start of last year, was 25-1 when he landed the race in 2022 and this is a race that throws up plenty of shocks. Two of the last five winners of the race returned odds of 40-1, one at 25-1 (Majestic) and another at 20-1. Those statistics suggest that, although the two horses at the top of the market, Treble Tee and Fifth Column, have plenty in their favour, those horses’ odds of no better than 5-1 and 7-1 respectively are very skinny for this 24-runner handicap.

The death this week of film legend Robert Redford reminded me of my favourite quotation relating to gambling. It was uttered by his fellow actor Paul Newman, who was Redford’s co-star in two of their greatest films: The Sting and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. When Newman played the part of ‘Fast Eddie’ Felson in yet another film, The Color of Money, he said: ‘Money won is twice as sweet as money earned.’ I have this quote framed on the wall of my office and read it regularly as an inspiration to finding winners. Moving on to the task in hand: trying to find a weekend winner. I usually like the challenge of big-field handicaps but the Ladbrokes Ayr Gold Cup tomorrow (Ayr 3.35 p.m.

It is the last of the five British classic races tomorrow – the Group 1 Betfred St Leger at Doncaster (3.40 p.m.) over one mile and six furlongs. The race has attracted a line-up of only seven runners, which normally means just two places on offer from bookmakers. If this had been the case tomorrow, it would have made each way betting unattractive and I would have given the race a miss from a betting point of view. However, at least three bookmakers are offering three places for each-way thieves like me which means there might be some value to be found. Irish maestro Aidan O’Brien is responsible for three of the four runners at the top of the market: Scandinavia, Lambourn and STAY TRUE.