Spectator Life

I am on a mission to befriend my new next-door neighbour. This is the sort of neighbour who has not one, but two, 'DO NOT PARK HERE' signs outside his house – both significantly bigger and shinier than his house number. He is the kind of neighbour that refuses to take parcels for me when I am out. When I asked him once what he did for a job, he muttered 'Work' and shut the door. The closest I have come to having a conversation with him was when he accused me of dislodging another neighbour’s gutter when pruning an overgrown tree. Even that was via text to the guy with the gutter I was just about to reposition. But I’m not giving up. I figure a friend may be just what he needs. And I need a friend too. I don’t even mind the sort with limited social skills.

What’s happened to seagulls? They used to be rather charming. The plaintive cawing of gulls used to be the nostalgic soundtrack to any seaside holiday. In the banal, best-selling book Jonathan Livingston Seagull, the eponymous bird flies for the spiritual joy of it and learns great truth and wisdom. The one thing it doesn’t do is nick your chips. How times have changed. Today, if you go to a harbour town in Cornwall, say, and buy an edible treat, there’s an even chance you’ll see out of the corner of your eye a white flash and — whoosh! — the top half of your pasty has gone. 'Bastard!' you shout vainly at the culprit. The other gulls all yak with mocking laughter. Local news outlets are full of gull attack stories in the summer months.

With the recent rumours of increasing tension between Prime Minister Boris Johnson and Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak, a look at feuding, fall outs and rivalries in the movies. Infighting between Prime Ministers and Chancellors has a storied history, harking back to the earliest days of the Parliamentary system in the UK. We’ve had spats between Harold Wilson and Roy Jenkins, Mrs Thatcher and Howe/Lawson, May vs Hammond and of course the long-running Blair/Brown psychodrama. The reported comity between Cameron/Osborne and Callaghan/Healey appears to be a relatively rare occurrence when it comes to the two most important offices of state in the British government.

What are the unexpected benefits to have come out of Covid? Letterbox cocktails? An irrefutable excuse for you to bail on a social occasion? An end to gouty Great-Uncle Matthew lunging for a slobbery kiss at Christmas? Like a booster shot, most of these will wear off over time, so we should make the most of them. Similarly, a recent trip to the National Gallery prompted a flurry of bookings as soon as we got home. For the first time, it was possible to appreciate favourite paintings unencumbered by a sea of iPads held aloft by un-seeing tourists. 'Just buy a postcard in the shop!' snapped no-one at all. It was bliss. Peaceful. Civilised. Of course, this isn’t sustainable.

I worry too much; I struggle with the unknown and I don’t like it when life doesn’t turn out as planned. This time last year Harry and I had hoped to say our vows under blue skies, witnessed by our friends and family. Instead we got married in a pandemic and a rainstorm. My sister Pandora says; ‘It’s dangerous to have high expectations - you will almost always be disappointed.’ On this occasion, however, this disappointment turned out to be the best thing that could have happened. We refused to let covid or the weather dampen our day, resulting in no hangovers of failed expectations. We must learn to live with the things we cannot control; our sanity depends on it. My chief worry is about my parents and my imagination runs wild.

It looks like Barbie is having another makeover: last week toy maker Mattel announced that they were launching a range of dolls to honour women in STEM, making miniature models of pioneers such as US healthcare workers Amy O’Sullivan and Dr Audrey Cruz, Canadian doctor and campaigner Dr Chika Stacy Oriuwa, and - of course - Oxford vaccine designer Professor Dame Sarah Gilbert. Of all the accolades Gilbert has received this year - a damehood, the Albert Medal from the Royal Society of the Arts, a standing ovation at Wimbledon - I’m sure she is most thrilled by being immortalised as a pant-suited plaything. Whilst I am all for greater representation and diversity in toys designed for girls, I’m not convinced by Barbie’s feminist rebrand.

If the sun is shining and the likelihood that all holiday destinations barring the South Sandwich Islands will probably be on the amber or red lists, the prospect of a British seaside break doesn’t look half bad. Of course, 50 per cent of the UK population will be thinking the same thing, so be prepared for packed beaches, overpriced hotels, melting Mr Whippys, undercooked burgers and screaming children. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. To get you in the mood, here are ten motion pictures that feature the sea.  A Bigger Splash (2015) Amazon Prime, Rent/Buy https://www.youtube.com/watch?

When it comes to source material for decent drama, police archives have a track record for delivering the goods. If you've binge-watched all the best true crime documentaries already, here are eight of the best fictional adaptations to keep you on the edge of your seat: The Salisbury Poisonings iPlayer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekoW6g_wg7A Televised back in spring 2020, this portrayal of the shocking events in Salisbury came with uncomfortable topical parallels: not least a frazzled public health official trying to identify and contain a mysterious deadly pathogen. Screenwriters Adam Patterson and Declan Lawn wisely choose to eschew the geopolitical intrigue and instead focus on the everyday Brits whose lives were turned upside down by the state-sponsored attack.

The reopening of theatres continues to be a vexed issue in the light of the pandemic. The closure of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cinderella hours before curtain up on press night due to some cast and crew being forced to self isolate being a high profile example of the struggles the theatre industry is facing. Despite these travails, theatres are gradually reopening across the country, and with school’s breaking up, plenty of venues are putting on family friendly productions to entice audiences back. Many of these shows are being staged outdoors, and there are online options, too.

It would be fair to say that despite working in a similar genre and having a propensity for making cameo appearances in many of his movies, filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan is no Alfred Hitchcock. That’s not to denigrate Shyamalan; he’s made some entertaining pictures, but he’s unlikely to reach the exalted status of the ‘Master of Suspense’, despite his best efforts. Like Hitchcock, Shyamalan has also ventured into scripted television with the short-lived Wayward Pines (2015-16) and the current Apple+ psychological horror series Servant, which is picking up some of his best reviews to date.

The NHS App is playing a vital role in keeping us safe. It monitors those around us and identifies potential risk. We are alerted to the danger, given the right advice, and then compelled to take immediate action. It would be a pity if this multi-billion pound investment wasn't utilised to its full potential to protect us from all the perils that blight us. The NHS App could be expanded to help us make ‘informed decisions’ in all kinds of everyday scenarios. AI algorithms would replace the flawed notion of ‘working things out for ourselves’. Protection from disease-spreaders Many of us are frightened to use public transport because we don’t know which of our fellow passengers is Covid safe.

The postponed 2020 Tokyo Olympics have not been without controversy. After being delayed for a year, a survey commissioned in May by the Asahi Shimbun newspaper revealed that 83 per cent of those polled were not in favour of the event going ahead in 2021, as COVID-19 cases soared and vaccine rates remained low. One of the few pleasant side-effects of the pandemic in Japan was the lessening of air pollution which means that iconic Mount Fuji (the country’s highest peak) is now visible from the city on the increasingly frequent smog-free days.

Before she became associated more with tragedy than comedy, there was a joke which went: ‘What’s Amy Winehouse’s favourite tube station?..High Barnet’. Not the best joke admittedly and one that required a degree of knowledge of rhyming slang - but it did anchor the beehived chanteuse and the borough she came from together in the popular imagination. I should be clear from the outset that I’m a fan. For me she was the last great pop star. Back to Black is one of the best albums of all time and she isn’t remotely out of her depth in that dead-at-27 club alongside Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin et al. Even if she was out of her depth in life.

Over the past 16 months, many things in our society have changed: we stayed at home, we baked, we zoomed, we tutted at people enjoying green spaces, we seamlessly slid ‘lockdown’, ‘pandemic’ and ‘social distancing’ into our vocabularies. But one thing that has stayed absolutely, stubbornly, admirably the same is the British public’s dedication to a Big Night Out. Forget Shakespeare, Constable, the Beatles, our true culture is best embodied by our seemingly primal urge to drink to excess, scream the lyrics to cheesy 80s music and generally make a tit of ourselves on the dancefloor. So, doing my patriotic duty, I found myself queueing to get into a bar at 12.

When Sir Richard Branson blasted off into space on Sunday he broke – or rather established – several important records. While he wasn’t the first billionaire to go into space – the extra-terrestrial ten-digit honours belong to Hungarian-born Microsoft Office software magnate Charles Simonyi, who went up to space on a Russian rocket in 2007 – Branson was the first man (billionaire or no) to go to space in a rocket that he had funded and built himself. For what it’s worth, he’s also the first knight of the realm to go into space, which has a certain anachronistic cachet, like a time-travelling Roman senator.

Is it any surprise that research carried out by the corporation for its annual report found that more than a quarter of men feel that the BBC 'no longer reflects people like me'? In a concerted effort to redress gender imbalance men are gradually being airbrushed out. Across much of the BBC men have become something of a rarity. Many of the corporation's high-profile dramas are now female-focused, including the Pursuit of Love, I May Destroy You, Starstruck and Motherland. Female presenters dominate shows such as BBC Breakfast, The One Show and Songs of Praise. A rejuvenated BBC Three will be almost exclusively female led while Radio 4 has turned into one long episode of Woman's Hour.

A giant chess board appeals in much the same way as a giant cake. Rationally, one realises that the size doesn't affect the essence of the thing. But the inner child knows that the jumbo version is just more fun. So I'm excited that a game of 'human chess', in which actors take the place of chess pieces, will be played on a giant board in London's Trafalgar Square later this month. I'm expecting a strong showing from the Red Queen and the White Knight, as the costumes draw inspiration from Lewis Carroll's 'Alice Through the Looking Glass' which celebrates its 150th anniversary this year. Their performance will pay tribute to the 'Immortal game', one of the most celebrated in history, which was played 170 years ago, just a couple of minutes down the road at Simpson's in the Strand.

Back in the summer of 2015 as I awaited the birth of my second son, when people asked me about my burgeoning bump — as they are wont to do of heavily-pregnant women — I kept receiving the same, curious response. ‘Oh you haven’t timed that well,’ random strangers would say. ‘August babies don’t do so well at school — and they never become Premiership footballers.’ As I smiled politely and thanked them for their unsolicited advice, I thought again and again, ‘What right-thinking mother would want their son to be a Premiership footballer?’ The sleaze, the moral corruption, the obscene salaries and conspicuous consumption.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines patriotism as ‘the quality of being patriotic; devotion to and vigorous support for one's country.’ Which is fine as far as it goes, but (at least to me), there is a uniquely ‘English’ kind of patriotism, one which I like to believe is not overtly jingoistic or nationalist in tone. This expanded characterisation of the word in relation to the Land of the Angles represents what may be thought as typically 'English' values, those of fair play, decency, hope, eccentricity, collegiality, individuality, humour, grace under pressure, courage and standing up for the persecuted. Whether we always conform to or live up to these ideals is another matter, but the England football team are certainly giving it a try.

On 25 June Netflix launched its latest offering, Sex/Life, which quickly became the service’s most-watched show in the UK.  The show revolves around Billie Connelly (no, not that Billy Connolly) a beautiful but unfulfilled suburban mum, whose mundane life is peppered with flashbacks of the raunchy youth she spent living it up in the Big Apple. She is married to Cooper, an investment banker with a big heart who possesses the looks and intellect of a Ken doll. You know the story already. Billie has everything a girl should want. A husband who adores her. A Dutch colonial mansion in upstate New York. A nanny. But she can’t help lusting over her ex-boyfriend, Brad, a hot shot record executive, and the tumultuous relationship they once had.