Steerpike

Not long ago Westminster wags nicknamed Sir Jeremy Heywood, Downing Street's top Sir Humphrey — ‘Wormtongue’ after Tolkien's poisonous power behind the throne in the Lord of the Rings. Since being tasked with investigating the Andrew Mitchell affair (and managing to miss the glaring differences between the CCTV footage and the police notes long before the tapes were sent to Channel Four News) the Cabinet Secretary — disliked by many at the best of times — has earned a new nickname from Tory types. Watch out for that eagle-eyed Sherlock Heywood. Now it emerges that the forensic inspector will be making a rare public appearance in front of the Public Administration Committee and will be grilled about the bungled investigation.

As David Cameron was leaving his lunchtime date with Westminster’s lobby journalists, my spy overheard him asking an aide: ‘I don't think I gave them anything too interesting, did I?’ Quite so, except that the Prime Minister showed once again that he has an odd relationship with the truth. Commenting on Nadine Dorries' trip to the jungle, young Dave claimed that he had not watched the show and certainly did not vote. Apparently he had only ever engaged in such plebeian entertainment once: voting for Will Young on X-Factor because ‘his daughter had made him’. Two problems here. One: Will Young was not on X-Factor, rather Pop Idol in 2002, as any fan would know. Secondly his daughter Nancy was born in 2004.

Luvvies have never really liked Tory governments. Poor Tracey Emin was nearly lynched by the arts crowds when she had the audacity to let David Cameron hang  one of her neon pieces in Downing Street. Things are getting heated with the new no-nonsense Culture Secretary, Maria Miller, who seems to have upset the triumvirate of darlings: Danny Boyle, Stephen Fry and Stephen Daldry. They have all laid into the government this week for apparently choking off arts funding, with the less-than-subtle undertone being that Tories are philistines. Needless to say, their star quality has given the story some glittering legs.

Two thousand spice lovers crossed the river last night for the enormous British Curry Awards at Battersea Evolution. Between dousing my tongue with milk to calm the fiery dishes, I chatted about Leveson with the Justice Secretary and adoption with the leader of UKIP. The former was coy, the latter seething. Other political heavies braved the curries' heat: a dinner jacket-less Patrick McLoughlin sat at a top table, as did Francis Maude, who was wearing a tie for a change. Maude was not too chatty with Nigel Farage; but sources close to the pinstriped-one say that Grayling was much friendlier.

Last month I brought you news that Prince Charles was blocking Freedom of Information requests to ensure that his communications with government ministers remain hidden. Word is that the contents of these letters would threaten the future king's claim to political neutrality. Today, we got a small clue about the subjects on which the royal mind might be less than impartial. Whilst on a health campaign visit with the Prince to an academy school in Sutton, TV chef and professional irritant Jamie Oliver told the crowds: ‘His Royal Highness has been doing this for a long time. At some stage possibly the royal family would have thought you were getting a little bit of a hippy, and that may be true, sir.

The enemies of a free press, also known as the mysteriously funded Hacked Off campaign, are positively salivating at the prospect of new legislation to regulate the press. I hear that their press conference, held after lobbying the three party leaders, at Four Millbank yesterday gave a glimpse of things to come. Professor Brian Cathcart and former Liberal Democrat MP Evan Harris waxed lyrical about their relentless pursuit of justice for their celebrity backers like Hugh Grant, and the lesser known victims of press mistreatment. Despite being promised the chance to quiz the victims, journalists in the room got increasingly irate as the double act hogged the limelight.