Steerpike

Po-faced Labour MP Grahame Morris has been crying into his bitter this morning at young Tories up at York University who hold an annual ‘Hagueathon’ in honour of the fourteen pints the Foreign Secretary necked when he was a student. The game is very simple: right-wing students try to drink fourteen ales, with varying degrees of success. ‘I suspect William Hague’s capacity for 14 pints of Yorkshire bitter was a figment of his imagination,’ moans Morris to the Mirror. ‘In the current climate when the Government is supposed to be doing something about the alcohol crisis, this sets a bad example.’ Steerpike hears that Barrel Scrapper Morris has missed a trick.

The Lords’ terrace was transformed into a theatre yesterday evening to stage an adaptation of Blair Babe Oona King’s House Music diaries, which recount her career as MP for Bethnal Green and Bow between 1997 and 2005. Many of New Labour’s faded hopes, like Ruth Kelly, turned up to roll back the years and remember the good times; although those wanting to catch a glimpse of Gordon had to make to do with an actor, because, of the Great Man himself, there was no sign (again). Ed Stoppard and comedian David Schneider were treading the makeshift boards in this dramatisation. They nailed compelling impersonations of Brown, Blair and George Galloway (King’s nemesis), all of which raised laughs and reminiscence.

The Lord Rennard scandal is spreading, not least because of Nick Clegg's willingness to bring in other characters. He even directly named Danny Alexander as central to the disastrous investigation five years ago. Clegg's statement says they didn't know the specifics involved or the names of the women. A line that does not hold much weight when one of the victims was his own Special Advisor. As many Liberal Democrats lie low, it would not be a 'show trial' without everyone's favourite yellow clown. Enter stage left Lembit Opik who popped on Sky News. The last person that the party leadership would want to see, and he did not upset the punters: 'I don't want to hear all the emotion from Clegg, I don't want to hear how angry he is.

Mr Steerpike spotted an interview in today's Evening Standard with ex-Westminster luminary Louise Mensch. Across a double page spread, she offers her tips on keeping a marriage alive. In particular, she suggests relationships based around romantic 'date nights' are a sham: 'By the time you've got to that, you've already lost the battle ... You've got to grab him when he comes out of the shower every day. You can't save it for a special evening' Unfortunately for Mrs. Mensch, her ex-boss feels otherwise. Young Dave has been frequently spotted hitting the town with his better-half Sam on just such a night.

On Monday, Polly Toynbee told her shrinking Guardian audience that ‘Britain is a country profoundly ignorant about the distribution of its wealth.’ Well, allow Mr Steerpike to do his part in solving this plight and shine a little light on where that wealth goes. I’ve been passed an invitation to host an ‘audience’ with the very same Ms. Toynbee, who is apparently ‘renown for her left-leaning, social democratic stance’. The enticing offer will let profoundly ignorant Britons learn from the lady ‘seen as the epitome of leftwing, politically correct reactionism’ for a small sum. Though at £2,750 for a couple of hours work, we might have to do a whip-round.