Steerpike

Steerpike

Steerpike is The Spectator's gossip columnist, serving up the latest tittle tattle from Westminster and beyond. Email tips to steerpike@spectator.co.uk or message @MrSteerpike

Monday

Steerpike

Coffee Shots: Bottles of Bolly arrive at Downing Street

While cases of Moët & Chandon champagne have been photographed making their way to Downing Street in previous years, the new government appears to have developed finer tastes. Sean Clare, a BBC producer, reports that a delivery of Bollinger champagne - the favoured tipple in of Patsy in the BBC's Absolutely Fabulous - has arrived at Number Ten Downing Street: https://twitter.com/Sean__Clare/status/597706072812584960 A bottle of standard Bollinger retails for around £45 compared to Moët & Chandon which is a bargain at £32.50. However, given that the Bullingdon club has the nickname 'Bollinger Club', Mr S suspects it's only right that former member David Cameron sticks with this brand of bubbly.

Steerpike

Anti-austerity protester makes sign out of box for £600 television

Seemingly missing the democratic process that returned a Tory government with a majority and an increased share of the vote, the hard left took to the streets of Westminster over the weekend to protest against austerity. However, has 'austerity' really hurt all of the protesters who took part? Look closely at the box one used to make their 'no cuts' sign: A 50 inch Sony LED TV that retails at over £600. The face of modern Britain's dispossessed. Meanwhile rumours abound that Ed Miliband has already found a new job following his resignation as Labour leader: https://twitter.com/neon_black1871/status/597120242523967488 However, this is at best a short-lived career change as Miliband has since been spied on his way to Ibiza.

Saturday

Steerpike

Laurie Penny defends war memorial vandalism at anti-Tory march

After David Cameron won a surprise Conservative majority in the general election, angry anti-austerity protesters gathered near Parliament Square today to let their outrage be known. During the demonstration, a war memorial, honouring the women of the Second World War, was vandalised with 'F--- tory scum' graffiti. While the crime was greeted with outrage by both the left and right, Laurie Penny, the Guardian feminist, appears to have defended the vandalism on Twitter, saying she doesn't 'have a problem with this': https://twitter.com/PennyRed/status/597115014059810817 https://twitter.

Friday

Steerpike

BBC mistake SNP MP for Nicola Sturgeon’s husband

Given that staff at the BBC have been providing rolling election coverage, it's understandable that they may be rather tired. Even so, Mr S was surprised to see that BBC veteran Huw Edwards described an SNP MP and Nicola Sturgeon as Scotland's power couple. Speaking over footage of Sturgeon walking alongside Patrick Grady, the recently appointed SNP MP for Glasgow North, Edwards mistook Grady for Sturgeon's husband Peter Murrell.

Steerpike

It was the Standard what won it, apparently

In 1992 the Sun claimed it was them 'wot won it', fast forward to the next time the Tories achieved a majority and an editor of a different paper is claiming 'victory': FROM: Sarah Sands TO: ES ALL (editorial) SENT: Fri 08/05/2015 10:16 SUBJECT: Congratulations Well done everyone on our superbly professional election coverage. It is the sweetest victory for the Evening Standard. A million copies today. Mr S's spies report 'dismay' in the Standard newsroom today after their paper endorsed the Tories - against junior staff wishes - and only went and bloody called it correctly. However, a cynic would note that the London results were the only sliver of hope for Labour. Unamused hacks, but a clearly a proud editor and presumably a happy proprietor.

Steerpike

Al Murray faces £500 fine for failing to win five per cent of vote

Nigel Farage has failed to win in South Thanet. However, he can take some comfort that he came second in the hotly contested seat. Alas the same cannot be said for Al Murray and his FUKP party. The Pub Landlord only managed to muster 318 votes. That means that Murray will need to pay back his £500 election deposit. However, given that Murray has used the election publicity to give his tour a boost and bring out a political book, it may not be too difficult to find the funds.

Steerpike

Liberal Democrats face soaring fines for failing to win enough votes

Oh dear. Not only have the Liberal Democrats only won eight seats so far compared to the 56 taken in 2010, many candidates face losing their deposit. If a candidate fails to win five per cent of the vote in their desired constituency then they are subject to a £500 fine. Unfortunately the Liberal Democrats have had many candidates do exactly that. So much so that the Twitter account LibDem Deposits has been set up just to keep a tally of their fines: https://twitter.com/LibDemDeposits/status/596489186162679808 It started off modestly: https://twitter.com/LibDemDeposits/status/596440922369499137 Then spiralled: https://twitter.

Thursday

Steerpike

Let them eat (Sturgeon) cake

An interesting election day parcel has arrived at the Spectator office: it contains a box of 'party leader cupcakes' from Sky News. ‘We recommend eating David, Ed, Nick, Nigel, Nicola, Natalie and Leanne whilst they are still delicious and fresh,’ says the accompanying letter. Funny thing, though, somebody at the channel — we suspect a furtive Scot Nat — has packed our box full of Nicola Sturgeons (see picture). Not a David, Ed, Nick, Nigel, or Natalie in sight. Oh well, we are still grateful. Two of the cakes are now protecting Nicola’s modesty on this week’s Spectator cover image. Thank you Sky!

Steerpike

Why E4’s election stunt may not stand the test of time

Today Channel 4's sister channel E4 has made the bold decision to halt broadcasting any programmes until this evening in a bid to encourage their viewers to vote. The channel, which is aimed at youths between the ages of 16-24, will instead broadcast a cartoon of a purple creature asking viewers to get off the sofa and vote because 'there is nothing more important than democracy and Hollyoaks'. Happily, the broadcaster has managed to find a way to combine both democracy and their popular soap opera among their top priorities. Programmes will resume tonight at 7pm, just in time for Hollyoaks. In fact, statistics by Barb show that all the channel's most popular programmes begin after 7pm.

Wednesday

Steerpike

David Cameron visits a zoo with no animals

The feral travelling Tory press pack were suited and booted this morning in the pouring Cheshire rain and led up a muddy path to a giant rock. No, David Cameron was not going to unveil his answer to a Miliband's carved pledge stone, in fact he wasn't going to say anything at all. You can imagine the spin doctor's train out thought for the last day of full campaigning in the longest, most tiresome election in modern memory. Let's got to the zoo! Let's go to tigers enclosure! Tigers are brave, PMs need courage and so on. Or perhaps they wanted to win Piers Morgan's vote; he has revealed today that he'll be voting for the Animal Welfare Party. Just one problem: there were no animals. The undeveloped part of Chester Zoo the media were treated to today won't open until next year.

Steerpike

Miliband’s adviser Stewart Wood says he is ‘loving’ #JeSuisEd

A little Twitter fad had emerged this afternoon where fans of Miliband tweet pictures of themselves eating sloppily along with the hashtag #JeSuisEd. It came about after the Sun went to town this morning on the Labour leader, reheating his famous bacon sandwich antics. While Labour can hardly stop their supporters from hijacking the #JeSuisCharlie meme that was set up in honour of the journalists massacred in Paris earlier this year, surely Miliband's chief aide Lord Wood, a bright Oxford tutor, should know better than to use it for a quick laugh online? https://twitter.com/StewartWood/status/595948927834320896 The compassionate left out in force again.

Steerpike

Why was Peter Hitchens’ column missing from the Mail on Sunday?

Today's front pages have received criticism across the board for being too party political with the election only a day away. Now questions are also being asked as to why Peter Hitchens' weekly column was missing from the Mail on Sunday at the weekend. Instead, the columnist, who has been vocal about his disdain for David Cameron, tweeted his pre-election column from five years ago on Monday. The article asks readers 'not to fall for the shimmering, greasy, cynical fraud which is the Cameron project': https://twitter.com/ClarkeMicah/status/595229177843953664 So far no explanation has been offered and Hitchens has said that he is unable to comment on why his column was missing from the paper: https://twitter.

Steerpike

Former Tory Brian May backs his local Labour candidate

When Brian May quizzed Russell Brand about his revolution at a screening earlier this month, the Queen guitarist mentioned that he had launched his own campaign, called Common Decency. The scheme supports 'decent candidates' irrespective of their party: 'We've been asking for feedback on who is actually a decent candidate and who would listen, genuinely act for the interests of their constituents, whichever party they are from.' May says the aim is to try and 'unseat MPs in all these safe seats' where 'often the percentage of people who didn't vote is greater than those who voted for one party'.

Steerpike

Bow Group chairman Ben Harris-Quinney removed from Conservatives Abroad website

After the Bow Group chairman Ben Harris-Quinney urged Tories to vote for Ukip in seats where the party can’t win, the Conservative think tank's patrons issued a statement distancing themselves from the comments. Then when Harris-Quinney appeared on the Daily Politics yesterday to discuss the incident he was accused of being a 'Walter Mitty' character who had lied about his titles. Doubt was cast on his claim that he is the President of Conservatives Abroad Madrid, after the association told the BBC that he held no such title having failed to renew his membership.

Steerpike

Labour release leaflets telling non-English speakers how to vote

This week Labour was accused of hypocrisy for allowing gender-segregated seating at a party rally. While the party have since defended their position claiming 'there was no forced segregation', many have accused Labour of pandering to the Muslim vote. Now word reaches Steerpike that Labour activists working alongside Gavin Shuker, the Labour Co-operative MP for Luton South, are posting leaflets to the local community which tell non-English speakers exactly how to vote. The flyer helpfully includes instructions telling the reader to vote by placing an X 'next to every candidate with the Labour logo': Of course no instructions as of yet on how to vote if you are a non-English speaker who doesn't wish to plump for Ed Miliband.

Tuesday

Steerpike

Ed Miliband comes to the defence of the #EdStone

Mr S reported earlier on Lucy Powell's blunder after she unwittingly seemed to contradict the message of the EdStone: ‘I don’t think anyone is suggesting that the fact that he’s carved them in stone means he’s absolutely not going to break them or anything like that.’ Miliband has now come to the defence of his beloved monument. During an interview with the BBC's deputy political editor James Landale, he was asked whether Powell, the vice-chair of Labour's general election campaign, had got the wrong take-away message from his 8ft 6 sculpture. To this, Miliband replied, 'Well, I'm clear about it, yes.' At least somebody is clear.

Steerpike

Sell your Tory glory story: The Sun offers cash for Conservative testimonials

Mr S reported over the weekend that Rupert Murdoch has jetted in to Britain ahead of the election. Now in the UK, the media mogul, and arch rival of Ed Miliband, is expected to be running a tight ship across all News UK titles as polling day approaches. So Mr S couldn't help but wonder which bright spark thought it was a good idea to place an advert from the Sun with a press agency offering money in return for a 'good-news story' about the Conservatives: https://twitter.com/montie/status/595597162030956545 The advert, which conveniently expired at 4.00pm today, offered Tory voters £100 for such stories but also required them to be available to be photographed within the next two hours.

Steerpike

Another joker comes out for Labour

Eddie Izzard, Martin Freeman, Steve Coogan and Russell Brand. What is it with professional funny-men backing Labour? It's a little odd that when Miliband is trying to show the world what a serious, potential statesman he can be, he puts jokers in Labour's election broadcasts. Robert Webb, of Mitchell and Webb fame, is the latest to come out for Ed: 'I don’t need the Labour Party to have the kind of leader you’d want to put on a T-shirt and God knows they continue to oblige me. Ed Miliband’s favourite track is probably “Persuading in the Name Of” by Reform Against the Machine. It’s not my rage he needs, it’s my vote. He can’t do any of the above unless he’s prime minister. I know what to do about that. What will you do?

Steerpike

Coffee Shots: Erection Day approaches for James Duddridge

Mr S has witnessed his fair share of election literature cock-ups this year. First Steerpike revealed how Flick Drummond's campaign posters had to be redesigned after her name could be mistook for another f-word from a distance. Then Matthew Hancock fell victim to a folding issue with his leaflets. As they say bad things come in threes, so Steerpike was hardly surprised to hear that a third Conservative candidate has had an issue with their canvassing plans. James Duddridge, the MP for Rochford and Southend East, narrowly escaped his own Freudian slip: https://twitter.com/JamesDuddridge/status/595191048181305344 Mr S hopes that this will put an end to the party's misfortunes ahead of Thursday.