You’re mad to go to war
‘You’re mad to go to war with Putin and insane not to!’
Nick Newman
Thursday
I can’t enlighten
‘I can’t enlighten you as to the meaning of “woman”.’
Thursday
No wonder it’s expensive
‘No wonder it’s expensive – it tastes like petrol.’
Why haven’t I got a peerage?
‘I’m your best friend – why haven’t I got a peerage?’
Too scared to watch the news
‘It’s for being too scared to watch the news’
Your father’s made a lot of sacrifices
‘Your father’s made a lot of sacrifices to get you into a good school.’
Thursday
I want chicken Kyiv!
‘I don’t want chicken Kiev – I want chicken Kyiv!’
Thursday
Dammit — we’re missing This Is Going to Hurt
‘Dammit — we’re missing This Is Going to Hurt.’
We’ve found traces of river in the sewage
‘We’ve found traces of river in the sewage.’
Thursday
Never a policeman around
‘There’s never a policeman around when you want one.’
The property ladder
‘It’s the property ladder.’
Thursday
‘ONWARDS!’
‘ONWARDS!’
Thursday
Can you keep the noise down?
‘Can you keep the noise down? I can’t hear myself drink.’
Thursday
i be dyslexic
‘Arrrrrr, sorry ladies, I be dyslexic.’
We’re having a bit of a don’t
‘We’re having a bit of a don’t.’
Thursday
Woking from home
Woking from home
I’m afraid the school insists on masks
‘I’m afraid the school insists on masks.’
Thursday
Wearing masks should keep us safe over Christmas
‘Wearing masks should keep us safe over Christmas.’
So who’s been naughty and nice?
‘So who’s been naughty and nice?’
Daddy’s videoing your Nativity play cancellation
‘Daddy’s videoing your Nativity play cancellation.’