Satire

This article is in The Spectator’s December 2019 US edition. Subscribe here. January to March ‘Caucasians Are The Best’ Remark By Biden At Iowa Caucus Renews Concerns Over Age Declaring An ‘End To These Endless Security Agreements,’ Trump Tweet Announces US Will Withdraw From Nato ‘Why Do We Need To Defend Germany? Did They Defend Us At Normandy? NINE!’ New Whistleblower Bombshell: $391 Million Military Aid To Ukraine Conditioned On Start Of Construction Of Trump Tower Kiev Trump Tweet Hints At Displeasure With Lawyer ‘Rudy Is A Great Guy But He Is Making Trump Look Evil And Should Stop Going On TV NOW!!!

Yesterday we witnessed a stunning and brave victory of tolerance over reality. Vile TERF, Maya Forstater lost her case at an employment tribunal for, amongst other things, referring to former SNP councillor and non-binary transgender individual, Gregor Murray as ‘he’:I mean, does they look even remotely like a ‘he’ to you??! Before quitting the party, Gregor had been suspended for ‘abusing a woman on Twitter’. They has obviously been targeted because in my opinion, calling an ignorant TERF a ‘cunt’ is a perfectly legitimate way for a non-binary politician to behave.

This article is in The Spectator’s December 2019 US edition. Subscribe here. ’Tis the season friends. The season to be merry. But also the season to remember. Especially those who gave their everything. For us. Great Americans who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect the greatest nation on earth. I speak, of course, of the true meaning of Christmas. The Yuletide. The winter festival. The hinge of the Judeo-Christian cultural year. The subject of so much opprobrium from the secular left. Christmas is under attack. It has to be defended. President Donald Trump is fighting back. But we all have a responsibility to stand up. To say ‘No!

Boris Johnson won the UK general election with a huge majority. My country is officially dead to me now. How could this have happened? I was absolutely certain Jeremy Corbyn and his woke Labour comrades would win a resounding victory. The celebrities were out in force posting their achingly sincere videos telling the plebs how they should vote. Actor and comedian Steve Coogan posted a fantastic speech in which he branded anyone who voted Leave in the EU referendum as ‘thick’, and at the time I was sure this would sway any undecided voters.

I was scrolling through the ‘Woke AF’ Twitter list I created on my account in order to help me keep up-to-date with some of the most influential minds of my generation this week. My attention was piqued by a tweet from Jameela Jamil; British actress, radio presenter, model, writer and most importantly, feminist activist. On Friday she had written:‘Receiving THOUSANDS of messages about how I made a mistake having an abortion 7 years ago and how I must be a miserable person... I am in fact a happy, thriving multi millionaire, madly in love, with free time, good sleep and a wonderful career and life.

Once again brave trans activist Jessica Yaniv has hit the headlines after she was refused an examination by a gynecologist. When will this hateful persecution of trans women end? Yaniv tweeted on Tuesday: ‘So a gynecologist office that I got referred to literally told me today that ‘we don’t serve transgender patients’. And me, being me, I’m shocked.. and confused... and hurt. Are they allowed to do that, legally? Isn’t that against the college practices.

Every year we are forced to endure a week long festival of capitalist peacocking, as the world’s largest multi-billion-dollar corporations invade our high streets and inboxes. Like a sex-worker gyrating her hips in the window of an Amsterdam brothel, these brazen online stores spare no shame in their attempts to woo me into their banner-bedecked bordellos with ‘tempting offers’ and ‘unmissable deals’. Not that I’m saying sex work is shameful, you understand, it’s an admirable and empowering trade for anyone who has the proficiency for it. But when it comes to spending my wad, the last thing I want is Amazon dot com twerking like a cheap whore in my inbox.

This article is in The Spectator’s November 2019 US edition. Subscribe here. Portland, Oregon It was a bright April morning and the sun shone benevolent golden rays upon me as I strode purposefully up the steps to the door of a house in the London district of Islington. Pressing the Victorian brass doorbell, I heard the comforting chimes of Toto’s ‘Africa’ emanating from within and nodded my head in approval. After a few seconds the door was opened by a charming white-passing transracial man who called himself Babatunde (I later found out his birth parents had named him Rupert). He graciously invited me into a spacious studio apartment decorated with tribal carvings from Ikea’s African Solnedgång collection.

Comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, made a keynote speech today at ADL’s 2019 Never is Now summit, in which he viciously chided the Silicon Valley tech giants for their irresponsible approach to censorship (or rather the lack of it thereof) on their terrifyingly influential social media platforms. Cohen was at the summit to receive the ADL International Leadership Award, and began by making it clear that throughout his career, the aim of his comedy has been to uncover the insidiously passive acceptance of racism and bigotry that lurks within our society.

Hey Gervais, here’s that huge pile of attention you ordered…When ‘Ricky Gervais’ is trending, it’s never for a positive reason. The man is incapable of saying anything kind. On Wednesday he sent out this vile tweet, mocking the trans community: https://twitter.com/rickygervais/status/1189610636344549377 The subject of this violent attack is none other than Jessica Yaniv, a brave Canadian trans activist who recently, tragically lost her case against several beauticians for refusing to wax her balls. She had battled the legal system for months in order to try and bring about a precedent that would legally force women to perform beautifying treatments on trans women’s genitalia.

Halloween is a holiday we all look forward to, and in the correct setting, provides us with many opportunities to express our unique identities. However, it is also a minefield for those of us who have the threat of cultural appropriation looming over us like Harvey Weinstein leering at a casting couch. If you are devoid of progressive sensibilities, you might very well end up stepping on an unseen hazard (because of the minefield metaphor), hearing a brief yet sinister tutting sound, before the devastating explosion of offense erupts around you.

  Portland, Oregon Allow me to introduce myself. I am Godfrey Elfwick. I am a genderqueer Muslim atheist. I am also WrongSkin, which means I was born white but identify as black (West Indian to be precise). I came out on Twitter as transrace in January 2015. When Rachel Dolezal confirmed her WrongSkin status later that year, it was a great comfort to me to learn I was influencing others to be proud of their transethnic identities. I only wish this level of awareness had been around in 1990. It would have been so much easier for Vanilla Ice. Living with so many levels of minority status can be extremely difficult. As a biologically born white male who identifies as a black woman, I am constantly vilified.

In a devastating put down on Twitter yesterday, Hillary totally slayed like a kween when she responded to a tweet posted by the so-called ‘president’ Donald Trump. As you can see, Hillary beat Trump at the amount of likes her reply to him received by almost 11k! Admittedly after 23 hours, Trump's tweet had garnered more retweets, but seeing as Hillary’s was posted a full five hours AFTER his initial post and, he had the advantage of a head start. My prediction is that by this time tomorrow, Hillary will have bypassed Trump in both likes and retweets, and boy, will he have egg on his face…which for once would account for his orange complexion (because of the yolk, you see).