Steerpike

Missing: One Scottish hardline right-wing Tory. Formerly Secretary of State for Defence, last seen leaving government over some confusion with a business card. Warning: An imposter was spotted this morning at the soon-to-be-closed St Stephen’s Club in Westminster extolling the benefits of coalition: ‘The idea that coalitions are new in British politics is just ridiculous, as any who has ever worked in the Tory whips office could tell you. The broader coalition within the Tories the better, and the less chance we will need to rely on external coalitions. Come one, come all, everyone is welcome. We need to broaden out.

It sounds like an episode of The Thick of It: the government is ploughing ahead with its naff “Stoptober” initiative. Next month the country’s eight million smokers will be encouraged by TV adverts and glossy leaflets to work together to kick the habit. Tory Minister Simon Burns's move from the Department of Health to Transport couldn’t have come at a better time: the chain smoker managed to get out just before he was forced to take part in the campaign. Bad news though for Liberal Health Minister Norman Lamb, who was promoted to Health to replace Burns. He told the BBC today that he ‘quit smoking last week’. Of course he did.

Mr Steerpike reported last week that the Tories’ shadowy donor-cum-puppetmaster, Lord Ashcroft was shunned in America. But it’s not all bad news for the man dubbed the sleaze of Belize. Last night Downing Street announced that he has been appointed to the Privy Council and made 'Special Representative for Veterans’ Transition’. While the worthiness of the new role is not in doubt, some observers might raise an eyebrow at the choice of Ashcroft and the timing. The one time Deputy Party Chairman has been very much on the outside since his tax affairs blew up before the 2010 election. And questions about one of companies, BCB Holdings, breaking London Stock Exchange rules arose earlier this year.

In what Bono described to me as ‘the best of the smaller ones’, the stars of Team GB stole the show at last night’s GQ Men of the Year awards. Presented with a special team award by Lord Coe, the A-list crowd were on their feet at the Royal Opera House for the Olympic contingent. Though seemingly dry, high-jump star Greg Rutherford and pommel-horser Louis Smith were amongst the last men standing at the after-party. Cyclist Bradley Wiggins is becoming something of fashion icon, though he might need to work on his people skills. Asked if he would like to meet Liam Gallagher, the cyclist said ‘Nah, I know him already’ and then walked off. But Mad Men’s John Slattery was on much friendlier form.

With a heavy heart Mr Steerpike must be the bearer of bad of news. James Delingpole, of this parish, has ruled himself out of the running in the Corby by-election for UKIP or any other party. In light of the growing Draft Delingpole campaign, he told me this afternoon: ‘After much thought: No. I want to spend more time taking drugs with my millionaire rock band manager wife.’ Bring on the the Euro elections 2014.

The campaign to draft James Delingpole into Parliament, revealed here yesterday, is gathering pace. Delingpole himself has broken cover to declare that he was already moving to Northamptonshire - the scene of the upcoming by-election. ‘I'm torn, I must say... though I can't claim to have taken quite as many drugs as Louise Mensch apparently has, I did make a pretty heroic go of it in my younger, longer-haired days.’ But it’s not all fun and games. ‘On the other hand, I'm skint,’ says the right-wing scribe. In a long rant against the Tories, he confirms that if he were to run it would be on a UKIP ticket - also revealed by me yesterday. So, does he want to be an MP? ‘Probably not.

It’s an open secret in Eurosceptic circles that Nigel Farage has asked James Delingpole to consider standing for UKIP at the 2014 European elections. The prospect of Delingpole sitting on EU environmental committees is enough to chill the spine of even the most devoted pen pusher in Brussels. However, could we see his foray into politics begin even sooner? I was most amused when asked to sign the “Draft Delingpole” petition today. With the departure of Louise Mensch from the seat of Corby, Northants, an internet campaign has been launched to persuade the Spectator’s very own ranter to stand in the November by-election. Mr Steerpike isn’t going to hold his breath, but Delingpole looks very fetching on the site in his World War II fatigues.