Steerpike

Yesterday’s PMQs was a sombre affair, because of the untimely death of well-liked Labour MP Paul Goggins. The party leaders made a concerted effort to be a little more civil to one another. And backbenchers seemed subdued by the loss of one of their own. There were a few exceptions, though. Labour’s Chris Bryant took great pleasure in singling out Matthew Hancock for ‘not quite entering into the spirit of today’ when the Tory Minister dared to suggest that Labour’s jobs pledge had been ‘absolutely demolished’. As usual, Bryant gave a running commentary of proceedings online. He made a passing literary reference when the Prime Minister donned some glasses: Cameron wears glasses. Always at my back I hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

The open primary to choose the 2016 Labour candidate for London Mayor is a dot on horizon; but speculation is underway. Mr Steerpike has been reading the form. Tessa Jowell, the former Olympics minister and outgoing MP for Dulwich, had a busy festive period: turning on the waterworks and displaying signs of Tourettes in this Guardian interview. Here is what she said in response to a question about those pressmen who say that her estrangement from her husband David Mills during his run-in with the Italian courts was manufactured: ‘Frankly, you know, those arseholes are so fucking rancid that I just hope every morning they wake up and think: 'I'm ashamed of the job I do.

Did Robert Halfon, the Tory MP for Harlow, get a new suit for Christmas? He was resplendent in this russet/chestnut suit at today's Education Questions. Had he not been wearing short hair, he would have passed for Ron Burgundy of Anchorman fame. Bold.

Ministers have spent the past 12 months in an almighty flap about how to stem a feared flood of Bulgarian and Romanian migrants once transitional controls on their freedom of movement lift. They've announced and re-announced measures on benefit tourism, housing and access to public services. But while they've been tinkering with these measures which may or may not make any difference to the number of people who do pitch up, they've managed to forget one very effective measure indeed. If only David Cameron had exclusively revealed to the worried press months ago that the best way of deterring an influx would be to deploy Home Affairs Committee chair Keith Vaz to personally patrol the UK border.

After a seasonal interlude, rival Tories are back to doing what they do best: warring over the heart and soul of the party. In the cuddly corner, we have Bright Blue; a think tank of hoody-huggers who are imploring the PM to be nice to immigrants. The Guardian has been purring with approval since Bright Blue’s director Ryan Shorthouse ‘specifically called for the Tory Party to adopt a Liberal-Conservative manifesto for the election’: ‘At the moment, the messaging is quite negative and uninspiring – it's not enough to win voters and gain momentum. We need to be more inspiring and bigger picture than that and we need a positive vision, not just pandering to prejudice and uncertainty and anger. There has been a surge in Ukip, but you can't outdo Ukip.

Tory Defence Minister Anna Soubry has never been famed for her delicate, flowery language. An MP recently complained to Mr Steerpike that he'd 'had to leave the smoking room after hearing her and Simon Burns banging on in there'. Today she took the smoking room language to Andrew Marr's sofa. After watching comedian Rory Bremner impersonate David Cameron, Ed Miliband and Nigel Farage, Soubry merrily chipped in that 'I always think he looks like somebody has put their finger up his bottom and he really rather likes it'.

Sanctimonious Lib Dem deputy leader Simon Hughes has accepted a government job, despite having said that he would not. Speculation about who might replace him reached fever pitch last night at the annual Nick Clegg bash, which is always a night to remember. Insiders deride the job as ‘talking to bearded activists about hemp soup’. It’s among the more tedious posts in Westminster; but someone has to do it to keep the Lib Dem grass roots sweet. Tories and right-wing yellows are still sore that Nick Clegg sacked dishy West Country MP Jeremy Browne during the last reshuffle, and #TeamJezza soon gained traction.

The campaigning backbench MP Robert Halfon was invited to say grace at the First Annual Margaret Thatcher Memorial Dinner at Churchill College, Cambridge on Saturday night. It's not often you get table thumping after a prayer: 'For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly grateful for the free market that keeps the price of food down and competition forever and ever. Amen.' Amen to that.