Steerpike

Ukip types, already with a spring in their step this week, are further buoyed by the fact that they will be going into the Newark by-election with data up their sleeves. The Tory machine is in full swing on the ground, but the playing field has been levelled. Whereas in previous by-elections Farage turned up to the pub or hung about meeting people in the market square, Newark will be different. Thanks to the proximity of the crunch Nottinghamshire ballot to the European and local elections, the self-styled ‘people’s army’ will be on an equal footing with the embedded local Tories, as they will be able to see exactly who voted last week.

The self-styled anti-establishment ‘People’s Army’ chose the most expensive hotel in Westminster to announce the professionalisation of their party machine. Nigel Farage’s post-European election press conference was completely stage managed — from the security on the door to the lack of questions from the floor, right down to the moment he was whisked away from the InterContinental Westminster in a blacked out Land Rover with his key donor Paul Sykes. But Ukip were not done yet, Farage presumably just drove round the block a few times because he was soon back sinking a vat of merlot at his victory party — which your correspondent attempted to crashed with various degrees of success.

Boris and Dave have been enjoying each other's company on the campaign trail in Newark today. Just look how cosy they are at the station: But is that Boris sneaking a longing glance at the red box that the Prime Minister carries with him as a trapping of office? Anyway, the two men got along very well on the train: For a little while at least: Neither seem particularly excited about the sandwiches on offer in Costa, though. Perhaps like Ed Miliband, they'd rather eat a bacon butty...

At first glance Mr S thought that he might be watching Labour’s latest class-war party election broadcast: rich kids at Oxford University trashing restaurants, tussling with the law and generally playing silly buggers in evening wear. Sound familiar? This is, however, the trailer for The Riot Club: the silver screen’s answer to ‘the Buller’, which will bear little or no resemblance to the drinking society beloved by Boris, Dave and George during their time at the university. Labour bods will be rubbing their hands with glee at the timing of the film’s release.

In further proof that the devil makes work for idle thumbs, Labour MP Austin Mitchell described Pfizer as ‘rapists’ in a tweet. All hell has since broken loose. All of which leaves Mr S nonplussed. Definitions of the noun ‘rape’ are as follows: 1. the unlawful compelling of a person through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse. 2. any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person. 3. statutory rape. 4. an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation. Mr S is confident that Mitchell was using the word ‘rapists’ in the sense of the fourth definition – an act of plunder, despoliation and violation.