Steerpike

Tony Blair, international superstar, has jetted into London to deliver the inaugural Philip Gould Memorial Lecture at Progress, a think tank. The speech would have enraged the likes of Len McCluskey, in the unlikely event that he listened to it. Blair trotted out all the pleasing soundbites of the past. The ‘third way’ was, he said, ‘a hard-headed examination of the world as it really is.’ Progressive politics was ‘not a cast of policy but a cast of mind. It’s not a programme but a philosophy. It’s not time limited but perpetual.’ The audience drank of these comfy platitudes and were nourished. Mr S, meanwhile, wondered what Ed Miliband, who has flown to America in pursuit of a photo-op with Barack Obama, made of it all.

The other darling of the CLA Game Fair — alongside former Environment Secretary Owen Paterson — was Charlie Brooks (aka Mr Rebekah Wade), who appears to be back on the country scene in a big way. ‘I’m a big fan of Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage’, the former litigant tells me. ‘I’ve always been a convert to be honest, which tells you what I make of politicians these days’. Curiously, it turns out Farage’s pub landlord was a juror in the Brooks’ recent trial, a fact that only came to light when the Ukip leader met Brooks for the first time on Friday. ‘You talked all sorts of nonsense, but you seem to have got away with it,’ joked one well wisher to Brooks over lunch.

Sacked Environment Secretary Owen Paterson was the darling of the CLA Game Fair at Blenheim Palace today. A steady trickle of well wishers queued, as if at a wake, to shake the right-winger’s hand. Even Nigel Farage publicly endorsed O-Patz, and was almost upstaged by the grey man. Country folk are sharpening their pitchforks in support of their displaced defender. ‘He’s the only one of them that actually got it’ lamented one attendee. ‘Bring back the badger slotter’, added another. Paterson is, in rural eyes, a tough act for his replacement Liz Truss to follow, and she has her work cut out to earn the respect of countrysiders. ‘I have to say I immediately mistrust this Miss Truss,’ one fair-goer said.

Talk radio station LBC are coy about the prospect of a Michael Gove phone-in show, mooted by Mr S yesterday. When asked if such a show is on the cards, a spokesman said: 'We enjoy Michael Gove appearing on LBC, as we do the many other politicians who also enjoy getting the opportunity to talk to LBC’s listeners.' That’s diplomatic. But, when it comes to election season LBC will be bound by Ofcom rules on impartiality to balance out coverage. We already have Call Clegg and Phone Farage. Someone call for the Minister for Broadcasting...

Some big egos are set to join David Cameron's rubber-stamping Cabinet meetings, which will make life interesting. There is a physical problem, too. Mr S makes it 11 ministers awarded the right to attend (in addition to the 22 full Cabinet ministers) — and the reshuffle is not even complete yet. Sue Cameron reported during last year's minor ministerial tinkering: 'A 4ft-long section has been made to fit perfectly on to the coffin-shaped Cabinet table, originally commissioned by Harold Macmillan more than half a century ago. It makes the table look “more coffin-like than ever”, according to one minister.' Mr S hears that even with the extension, it was still a tight physical squeeze. Will they have to get a bigger table; or perhaps they could install a dress circle?

The Speaker’s House hosted the launch of 'Women in Parliament', a cross-party initiative to get more women into parliament, today. Fittingly, there was barely a man in sight — besides wee John Bercow, obviously. 'Women in Parliament' is led from by Mary MacLeod — former PPS to ex-Culture Secretary Maria Miller, who is also closely involved in the project. The group has received a lukewarm reaction from Downing Street. The ambition to get more women onto the Tory benches is welcomed by No 10; but the timing of the launch has clashed with the upcoming female-focussed reshuffle. Tongues wagged at this afternoon’s event when the waiter described the menu.

Mr S likes a flutter. His eyes were drawn to the latest speculation about Boris’s return to the Commons. Ladbrokes are offering 3-1 that the Blond Bombshell will be selected in Uxbridge, which is to be vacated by John Randall at the next election. Uxbridge is hardly K&C (Mrs S is agin it); but, it is a safe Tory seat in the capital: Ladbrokes have it 1/50 on for the Tories. Perfect for Boris, you might think… Here are the latest odds on Boris, courtesy of Ladbrokes: Where will Boris stand in 2015?

‘Hypocrisy of the stars who shielded cash from taxman’, cries a headline in today’s Daily Mail. But are we sure that it's really hypocrisy? Among those ‘outed’ as hypocrites is the actor Michael Caine. But Mr Steerpike seems to recall that the cockney lad has been a vocal campaigner against our tax system, which seem to be one of his pet peeves. In fact, in the late 1970s Caine moved to the States to avoid them. A country that charges 82 per cent tax on its highest earners isn't a democracy - rather ‘a communist country without a dictator’, he has been quoted as saying. Another tax ‘hypocrite’ is TV’s Anne Robinson, according to the Mail.

In 1975 Margaret Thatcher said in her 'Free Society' speech to the Conservative Party Conference: ‘Some Socialists seem to believe that people should be numbers in a state computer. We believe they should be individuals. We are all unequal. No one, thank heavens, is like anyone else, however much the Socialists may pretend otherwise. We believe that everyone has the right to be unequal but to us every human being is equally important.’ Mr S could not help but recall these fine words after an email arrived from the Labour Party asking him to enter chunks of personal data into its website, such as his postcode and date of birth, in order to find out his ‘number’. Since Labour created the NHS 66 years ago, croons the propaganda, it’s delivered 44m babies.

‘I’m like any parent,’ says Nick Clegg (Deputy Prime Minister, privy councillor and universally derided leader of the Liberal Democrats). Speaking to the Radio Times, as any old parent might do, Average Dad Nick pleaded with his offspring: 'The first, most visceral instinct you have as a parent is you want to protect your children, and politics is a very rough business you know. It’s absolutely not for the faint-hearted or the thin-skinned, so I wouldn’t likely recommend to my children to go into politics.' Pity. Mr S was getting rather misty eyed at the prospect of young Miguel or Antonio seeking high office in order to restore the family name. Who will avenge self-pitying Clegg now?