Steerpike

It was Nye Bevan who claimed that the Conservative party was 'lower than vermin.' But in today's House of Commons, it is not just the Tories who have to serve cheek by jowl with some of nature's less attractive creatures. Since the return of Westminster last year, Steerpike has heard nothing but complaints about the state of parliament's mouse problem. Across the House, staffers talk of horrified encounters with tiny rodents across the estate, be that in cramped researchers' offices, over coffees in Portcullis House or the grandeur of Westminster Hall. One caseworker has promised photographic evidence the next time they find one on their desk while another moans: 'No working WiFi and a pet rodent – it's just part of the Westminster furniture.

Cast your minds back to March 2021. Back then, Britain was emerging from lockdown, the Americans were in place in Afghanistan and Thorntons still had shops. Up in Edinburgh meanwhile, the Salmond Inquiry was raging. The timely leak from a parliamentary committee which concluded that Nicola Sturgeon had misled Holyrood prompted a flurry of accusations as to who was responsible. Now though, a year on, an answer might finally be available. For Andy Wightman, then an independent Member of the Scottish Parliament, has used the one year anniversary of the leak from the committee to speak out about who he believes is responsible.

Boris Johnson is out in Saudi Arabia, urging Mohammed bin Salman to turn on the oil taps again. But the Prime Minister isn't the only politician who's been able to sample the delights of the Middle East this year. No less than nine of his parliamentary colleagues jetted out to the region last month, running up a total bill of more than £44,000 in flights and hospitality to Qatar and the UAE. The Qatar push is especially interesting, given the forthcoming World Cup scheduled to be held there. Some £15,460 was spent in February on flying four MPs including former Defence Secretary Sir Gavin Williamson out to the tiny Gulf state. Indeed Qatar's lobbying efforts in the UK since winning the right to host the FIFA tournament have been considerable.

Nigel Huddleston is Under-Secretary of State for Sport, Tourism, Heritage and Civil Society, hardly the biggest job in government. Yet he seems a little inebriated on what little authority he has – at least if his latest remarks to the Department for the Digital, Culture, Media and Sport committee are anything to go by. Huddleston has taken on board the mood of the moment. He appreciates that sport must make a stand against Vlad the Invader and the invasion of Ukraine, and which sensible person would disagree? But boycotting Russia from major competitions and clamping down on dodgy oligarch football owners isn’t sufficient, apparently. Huddleston wants more.

Which Western leader has been the most shameless when it comes to Ukraine? America's Vice President 'Calamity' Kamala Harris is another contender, given her bizarre, hysterical laughter when asked at a press conference about Kiev's refugees. Nicola 'Strangelove' Sturgeon is up there, after her no-fly zone intervention while Mario Draghi looked like Marie Antoinette without her charms after reportedly demanding opt-outs from sanctions on luxury Italian goods. But for Mr S, there's only one winner. Step forth Emmanuel Macron, the politician whose pronouns are moi/moi/moi.

Whoops! Cripes! The government is in another mess. The cry goes out: send for Gove. Like the elegant Jeeves to Boris's Bertie Wooster, he answers his master's desperate call, ready to extricate him from another self-inflicted mess. Now the PM's latest troubles are not aunts but Ukrainians and the many thousands now fleeing their country.  The Home Office are predictably ineffective so it's once more unto the breach for the oleaginous Aberdonian, the man with more jobs than George Osborne. Levelling up, saving the Union, intergovernmental relations and now processing refugees: is there anything the Gover can't do?

It's been a tough week for poor John Bercow. The release of the report by the Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards into his Speakership on Tuesday saw 21 counts of bullying being upheld against him. Since then there have been calls for universities to strip him of his academic posts, while Commons bosses have delivered the ultimate insult: removing his name from the parliamentary gym spin room. Talk about purging the last remnants of a hated former regime. And Steerpike can reveal that Bercow has also now quit as a trustee of Holland Park school, known as 'the socialist Eton'. His term was due to end in November 2024.

It's been a difficult year for the BBC. Whether it's Emily Maitlis or Peter Crouch, Andrew Marr or Simon McCoy, a whole host of stars have departed the Beeb as the corporation battles to remain relevant in the twentieth first-century. Budget cuts and increased competition mean that journalists with more than 1,000 years of experience have taken redundancy, retired or accepted big money deals from commercial rivals over the past two years. The mass exits have prompted fears of a 'brain drain' of talent with insiders expressing concerns about the difficulties of filling the smorgasbord of top posts which are currently vacant. Now a Freedom of Information request by Mr S has revealed the cost of all these departures to the corporation's hard-pressed coffers.