Steerpike

In recent weeks, partygate has felt all but a distant memory in Westminster. After Russia launched a full-scale invasion of Ukraine, Boris Johnson has focussed on recasting himself as a statesman focussed on the foreign affairs crisis.  Even as the Metropolitan police announce their investigation has reached the stage of ‘interviewing key witnesses’, Johnson’s supporters are keen to play down the whole affair in light of the international situation – with Jacob Rees-Mogg suggesting it is ‘trivial fluff’. Meanwhile, signs of the new regime are visible – with MPs at a recent drinks reception with the Prime Minister disappointed to be served soft drinks only.

Boris Johnson is doing rather well on Ukraine at the moment, thanks to Britain's role in sending arms and training instructors there. But now another military crisis from the not-so-recent past threatens to block the greased pig's escape from political danger yet again. For this afternoon the Foreign Affairs Committee (FAC) will be taking evidence on Operation Ark, the evacuation of Pen Farthing's sanctuary Nowzad from Afghanistan amid claims that the lives of animals were put before Afghans. The blame game about who was responsible for the sorry episode has raged since August.

It was Nye Bevan who claimed that the Conservative party was 'lower than vermin.' But in today's House of Commons, it is not just the Tories who have to serve cheek by jowl with some of nature's less attractive creatures. Since the return of Westminster last year, Steerpike has heard nothing but complaints about the state of parliament's mouse problem. Across the House, staffers talk of horrified encounters with tiny rodents across the estate, be that in cramped researchers' offices, over coffees in Portcullis House or the grandeur of Westminster Hall. One caseworker has promised photographic evidence the next time they find one on their desk while another moans: 'No working WiFi and a pet rodent – it's just part of the Westminster furniture.

It was just 12 weeks ago that a sleaze scandal threatened to rock the Commons to its core. Owen Paterson’s efforts to overturn the findings of a probe into his lobbying activities triggered weeks of revelations, controversy and bad headlines about MPs’ outside earnings and second jobs. But three months on, are things going back to the bad old ways already? Take the register of members’ interests, on which our elected masters detail their consultancies, part-time gigs and share dealings. This list – supposedly designed to encourage transparency and enable scrutiny – is already difficult to scrutinise. Data scientists complain that it lists information in a highly variable free text format and is both not machine readable or available via bulk download.

With the BAFTAs last Sunday and the Oscars next week, film award season is well underway. And while it's too late for new entries this year, Mr S hears of a dark horse for next year's competitions. Step forward, Labour's Barry Gardiner, who is the unlikely star of a documentary about his recent private members' bill to ban 'fire and rehire' practices. Gardiner, Jeremy Corbyn's colourful shadow trade secretary, ran a series of eye-catching stunts to raise publicity for the campaign, including gatecrashing the 1922 drinks at Tory party conference: a move that prompted frenzied speculation of an imminent defection. His efforts to change the law might have been unsuccessful but at least they have been captured for posterity.

War in Ukraine, soaring inflation, spiralling energy bills and the shadow of the bomb – things are all looking pretty grim in Westminster at present. So what better place to find solace and a quiet moment to reflect than the rarified atmosphere of the House of Lords? Unfortunately for one septuagenarian, meditative contemplation went slightly too far yesterday after the ageing peer accidentally drifted off to sleep. The offender in question was the ironically named Anthony Young, who at 79, is by no means the oldest member of their noble lords' chamber. Popping up last night in the genetically modified organisms debate, Lord Young, a trade unionist and Labour party peer, was slapped down by the indignant Baroness Bloomfield.

After apologising to witches and advocating nuclear armageddon, what next for Nicola Sturgeon? Why, a healthy dollop of virtue-signalling, of course. The selfie-loving satrap spotted an opportunity to put some clear blue water between her and Westminster this morning, leaping on a tweet from today's No. 10 briefing that confirmed Boris Johnson would accept the forthcoming pay rise being given by IPSA to all MPs. Sturgeon declared to her 1.4 million followers on Twitter that: Ministers in @scotgov have not taken a pay rise since 2008 and I can confirm we will not do so this year either. We donate increases back to the public purse for spending on services. Where there is a will there is a way. Noble stuff.

Who should be on this year's Honours' List? For Mr Steerpike, the answer is clear: Matt Hancock, MBE, for services to comedy. In recent months the rule-breaking romantic has performed a series of eye-catching antics to try and aid his bid back to power.  There was the Capital Jingle Bell Ball where he rocked up with Gina looking like a metrosexual Bond villain. There was the Serpentine swimming sesh when he ended up in hot water and the excruciating podcast interview in which he spoke about casual sex. And then of course there was the HarperCollins incident where the American publishing house had to distance themselves from reports Hancock was planning a self-justificatory Covid memoir.

Sajid Javid was something of a breath of fresh air when he was appointed as Health Secretary last June. Gone was the libidinous, lockdown-loving Matt Hancock; in came the Thatcherite free-marketeer promising a 'return to normalcy.' Since then, some of the shine has come off the Saj. First, there was the debacle over Covid passes at Christmas. And now the Health Secretary faces the perennial problem which faced his predecessors: how to pay for a creaking health service with an ageing population? In his first major policy speech last week, Javid spoke candidly to the Royal College of Physicians (RCP). He warned that the NHS is on an 'unsustainable financial trajectory' and urged new methods to 'reduce costs.