Steerpike

As if MPs haven't wasted enough time on Gaza, a select committee has found another pressing national crisis to investigate: why Britain is so crap at Eurovision. The Digital, Media and Sport committee will probe the country’s ‘dismal’ record, examining how songs and acts are selected for the musical jamboree. Westminster has finally found a subject on which it can speak with authority: public humiliation. In May, UK act Look Mum No Computer came last with a pitiful one point. In 2023, ultra-woke songstress Mae Mullet finished second from bottom, while James Newman came last in 2021. The BBC is responsible for selecting our acts. An embarrassing performance, inflicted on the public at its own expense? At least the corporation is sticking to what it knows.

Zack Polanski was left red-faced at City Hall this morning after Sadiq Khan answered a question from the Green leader in Urdu. In a cringeworthy bid to woo Muslim voters across the country, Polanski this week released a campaign video for the Holborn and St Pancras by-election in which he butchered Pakistan’s national language. Fewer than 200 people in the constituency use Urdu as their main language, but the Green leader evidently thought his linguistic gymnastics would establish him as a better voice for Muslims than the actual Muslim Labour candidate running for the seat. Today, the Mayor of London decided to put Polanski’s newfound proficiency to the test.

Ooh là là, Zack Polanski is at it again. Two days after his Urdu campaign video landed with a thud, the Green leader has returned with a sequel, this time en français. The accent, Mr S hears, has already caused quite a stir across the Channel – off the coast of Calais, a small boat has turned back in confusion. In the clip, proudly displayed on his feed, Polanski tells the good citizens of Holborn and St Pancras that the Greens have forced the government into a U-turn, before urging them to back him on 8 October. The French is, er, a work in progress: barely a sentence goes by without a slip. In terms of charm offensives, it seems to be more offensive than charming. Perhaps stick to Urdu, Zack?

Reform’s leader in Wales has stood down after being arrested over the weekend on suspicion of assault and controlling or coercive behaviour. Dan Thomas was released on bail without charge and insists that he has ‘done nothing wrong’. But in a sign of possible further trouble ahead for Nigel Farage’s party, he said he did not want ‘coming headlines’ to distract from Reform’s work in the Senedd. Thomas said: ‘Over the weekend, I was reported to the police and was released without charge. I stress that I have done nothing wrong, but I do not want the coming headlines to be a distraction from the fantastic work our Senedd team is doing in holding this government to account.

After securing the Green party nomination to stand in the Holborn and St Pancras by-election, Zac Polanski’s campaign is already in full swing. Today the Green party leader released a video in Urdu calling on voters to support him on 8 October, in the by-election triggered by Sir Keir Starmer’s resignation. آٹھ اکتوبر کو گرین پارٹی کو ووٹ دیں pic.twitter.com/xzqVkDpXLv— Bold Politics (@_BoldPolitics) September 14, 2026 The bad news for him though: only 156 people even speak Urdu as their main language in the Holborn and St Pancras constituency, according to census data. Even they might need a translator to make sense of Polanski’s nonsense.

https://twitter.com/BBCPolitics/status/2098410321769574625 MPs have voted to kill off the assisted dying bill by 286 votes to 270, making it highly unlikely that such a policy will become law before at least 2030. The legislation was defeated after a number of its former supporters declined to back it this time around. When MPs last voted on the bill in June 2025, 314 backed it. Today, that number fell dramatically. Labour’s Liam Byrne, who opposed the private member’s bill, called on ministers to ‘urgently’ establish an expert commission to examine how end-of-life care could be improved. He posted on X: ‘My conclusion remains that genuine choice does not exist without universal palliative care.

Nigel Farage faces yet another headache after the Met confirmed today that it will launch a criminal investigation into allegations that Reform breached donation rules. The force said detectives will conduct a full inquiry into claims aired in the Channel 4 News sting. A Met spokesman said: ‘Following a broadcast by Channel 4 News on Thursday, September 3, the Met received a number of reports relating to donations and polling involving a political party. Detectives have assessed the information provided and determined that there are potential offences requiring investigation. The potential offences are similar in nature to matters already under investigation by the Met’s Special Enquiry Team relating to donations made to the same political party.

https://twitter.com/stellacreasy/status/2096718546633924850 Ardent feminist Stella Creasy appears to have set her principles aside today to cheer on a gender-segregated Muslim march through Walthamstow. The Labour MP took to X to gush over the ‘46th Milad Al Nabi’ parade, an annual celebration of the Prophet Mohammed’s birthday. Creasy boasted: ‘Food, sweets and roses all shared by those marching with the local residents. #loveWalthamstow’. Puzzled social media users soon asked why only men appeared to feature in the footage. Times columnist Jenni Russell questioned: ‘Where are the women, Stella? Why are they excluded? Do explain.

Nigel Farage has just come off stage here at Reform conference, after a speech marred by disruptions. It started almost an hour late for security reasons, and once underway, Farage found himself interrupted four times by shouting protestors. Reform anticipated it, and had a graphic ready to go that said ‘Boring!’ After the third interruption, Farage proclaimed ‘that’s what a university education gets you’, and hazarded a guess that they were sociology students. Mr S’s colleague Henry Lloyd was in the audience, and got this stunning footage: Protesters who disrupted Nigel Farage's speech at Reform's autumn conference have been escorted out of the venue by security.

The Green party’s resident tit-whisperer, Zack Polanski – formerly Dave Paulden – looks set to take on Labour in the race to succeed Sir Keir Starmer as MP for Holborn and St Pancras. After days of will-he-won’t-he speculation, the former Lib Dem has finally confirmed that he will seek local members’ approval to stand in what is shaping up to be a nauseating contest over who is the biggest leftie. Writing in the Camden New Journal, Polanski declared: “Holborn & St Pancras has everything that’s the best of our country and so much potential, but for too long now it’s been held back by governments who have failed to make the changes to improve people’s lives.