Cockburn, Author at The Spectator

Thursday

5 January 2023

Cockburn

Did Prince Harry’s nasty older brother force him to wear a Nazi uniform?

From our US edition

Ahhh, Harry’s truth. This time, instead of optionally wearing a marginally funny Nazi outfit to a costume party in the 2000s, back when nobody really cared about poor taste, Prince Harry was dragged kicking and screaming by Wehrmacht William and Kristallnacht Kate to the naughty shop against his will. Not quite, but not far off. In extracts from Harry’s upcoming memoir, Spare, obtained by Page Six, Hapless Harry says: “I phoned Willy and Kate, asked what they thought. Nazi uniform, they said.” He claims he was originally deciding between a Nazi or pilot uniform, but his big-bad brother and Kate “howled” at the sight of him in the outfit, which won the impressionable prince over. Harry then calls his brother by a pet name, saying: “Worse than Willy’s leotard outfit!

Cockburn

Harry and William’s royal rumble

From our US edition

Britain has spoken. After extracts from Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare, were leaked to the Guardian, the overwhelming reaction to the book's explosive claims is "what kind of man wears a necklace?" Describing a confrontation at his London home in 2019, Harry says that his brother William called Meghan Markle “difficult,” “rude” and “abrasive,” which Harry calls a “parroting of the press narrative” about his American wife. Or maybe those were just the first three adjectives that sprung to mind about moaning Meg. Harry goes on to describe how William “grabbed me by the collar, ripping my necklace, and... knocked me to the floor.” Heroic Haz then writes that he gave his brother a glass of water and said: “Willy, I can’t speak to you when you’re like this.

Wednesday

4 January 2023

Cockburn

The rise of Sudden Oligarch Death Syndrome

From our US edition

Since Moscow launched the invasion of Ukraine in February, the deaths of Russian oligarchs seem to be constantly in the headlines. Despite the official causes of death given, Cockburn has a sneaking suspicion that Vladimir Putin might have something to do with it. Death by unusual, news-making circumstances is a hallmark of his regime. The Russian leader intends for such deaths to make the news and for the world to blame the Kremlin for them. It forms part of his strategy of intimidating potential opponents and dissidents. Enemies of Putin that have gone to the West have faced radiation poisoning and attacks with powerful nerve agents. Those who have countered Putin in Russian politics have been jailed or gunned down in the streets. Now, apparently, oligarchs are in the crosshairs.

Tuesday

3 January 2023

Cockburn

Will Biden ever follow the science on Covid?

From our US edition

Cockburn, like every other American, finally thought we’d seen Covid's last hurrah. But right on cue, in the dreaded month of January, the Wu-flu is resurgent. Public-health experts have begun sounding the alarm about a new Omicron variant dubbed XBB that is rapidly spreading across the Northeastern United States. It's not yet clear if XBB is any more lethal than other variants, but its mutations can make any prior vaccine useless. Growing evidence also suggests that repeated vaccinations may make people more susceptible to XBB and could be fueling the virus’s rapid evolution. “It might not be a coincidence that XBB surged this fall in Singapore, which has among the highest vaccination and booster rates in the world," writes the Wall Street Journal.

Saturday

31 December 2022

Cockburn

TikTok sleuths are convinced Britney Spears is dead

From our US edition

Cockburn understands that the period between Christmas and the new year is a weird time. His own days have been spent knocking back the bourbon and hiding behind the couch when family members come to check in. But it seems that others have been spending the festive period glued to TikTok and convincing the world that Britney Spears is dead. Remember the conspiracy that Avril Lavigne committed suicide and was replaced by a look-alike named Melissa? This is pretty similar. Spears’s fans — which Cockburn should mention aren’t exactly the most sane of people — have alleged that the singer is either missing, in trouble or dead, and have started the hashtag, #WheresBritney.

Friday

30 December 2022

Cockburn

The top 10 Cockburns of 2022

From our US edition

2022 was another landmark year for DC’s most disheveled correspondent. He was outside the courthouse when Johnny Depp won his defamation suit, and outside the Supreme Court when Roe fell. He observed mourners for Queen Elizabeth in London, went to Congress with an NBA star, lifted the lid on the "toxic" work culture at the startup where Prince Harry "works," listened to too many episodes of his wife's podcast and debunked a flimsy hoax about Lauren Boebert. He quaffed his way through several Christmas parties, think-tank mixers, campaign fundraisers and conferences with national conservatives, Texas conservatives, libertarians and sexual deviants.

Saturday

24 December 2022

Cockburn

Putin mentions the war

From our US edition

So much for "don’t mention the war!" Russian president Vladimir Putin has called the conflict in Ukraine a war for the first time on Thursday. Cockburn is quite flummoxed — this is the same Putin who has made an industry out of locking people up who refused to call the war a “special military operation”. On December 22, while addressing the situation in Ukraine, Putin said, “Our goal is not to spin the flywheel of military conflict, but, on the contrary, to end this war.” The irony alone of this statement is too much to handle. The man who invaded his neighbor and disregarded the laws of war is now saying he does not want to “spin the flywheel of military conflict”?

Friday

23 December 2022

Cockburn

Cockburn’s Christmas party chronicles

From our US edition

Shaker Heights, Ohio This year, Cockburn’s annual call for Christmas party invitations took him all over the country: DC, New York, even to one to “the longest-running libertarian-hosted Christmas party in Ohio.” What type of libertarians were these? he wondered, as visions of a drug-laced hors d'oeuvre platter and laissez-faire lovemaking danced in his head. “The party has spawned one marriage and three children,” Cockburn’s invitation said, confirming his suspicion (and hope) that all libertarians are also libertines. The Ohio party was advertised as “multi-generational,” and Cockburn’s would-be hosts helpfully added, “We managed to kill no one attending during Covid years.

Wednesday

21 December 2022

Cockburn

Who should be the next Twitter CEO?

From our US edition

Another day, another headline about Elon Musk. But as the new Twitter CEO has announced plans to resign in the future — only after finding a suitable candidate to replace him — we may see a bit less of him soon. But who would be foolish enough to replace him? Cockburn has put together a list of potential heirs. Jared Kushner The former senior advisor and current son-in-law to Donald Trump may not be accustomed to the tech world, but he does have the face for it. Kushner also is a proven ally of Musk, after appearing alongside him at the Qatar World Cup final last week. He’s also in the market for a job after turning down his father-in-law’s offer to help run Trump 2024...

twitter big tech west elm caleb douglas murray

Cockburn

ProPublica to return SBF cash — will other outlets follow suit?

From our US edition

Sam Bankman-Fried may have been arrested, but he's not the only one with questions to answer following the FTX implosion. ProPublica, the nonprofit investigative news outlet, has finally claimed in an internal email that it will return the $1.6 million it received from Bankman-Fried's family foundation, according to Axios. In a memo, ProPublica president and co-CEO Robin Sparkman and editor-in-chief and co-CEO Stephen Engelberg said the company will be returning the money from Bankman-Fried’s family foundation, called Building a Stronger Future, because "it does not seem appropriate to keep these funds." Go figure.

Tuesday

20 December 2022

Cockburn

MAGA Mean Girls: MTG and Boebert trade barbs

From our US edition

Cockburn loves a catfight. Especially between Congress’s kookiest chicks, and one time BFFs, Representatives Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene. The congresswomen have been dragged into the increasingly ugly war over whether or not to back Representative Kevin McCarthy for speaker of the House. Boebert pulled the first punch on The Charlie Kirk Show, where she, accompanied by some lawmakers like Representative Matt Gaetz, took a swipe at Taylor Greene for whipping the caucus to vote for McCarthy — who sweet-talked Greene with promises to restore her House committee assignments. "I've aligned with Marjorie and been accused of believing a lot of the things that she believes in," said Boebert.

Monday

19 December 2022

Cockburn

Elon Musk’s weird weekend

From our US edition

He may have been racking up the hours at the office lately, but even Elon Musk knows when to take a break. The world’s second richest man was spotted in Qatar yesterday at the FIFA World Cup final between Argentina and France. What’s weird about a rich man going to a rich-person-thing, you ask? The fact that he was in the same box as Jared Kushner… Watching Argentina beat France on penalties capped off a frenetic few days for the new Twitter chief. Earlier, he had kicked a number of tech and "disinformation" journalists off his app for supposed breaches of Twitter policy.

Friday

16 December 2022

Cockburn

Ever wanted to buy Kyrsten Sinema’s old shoes?

From our US edition

Shopping Kyrsten Sinema style Kyrsten Sinema has been honing her independent streak during her time in Washington — a noted departure from the progressive activism of her youth. The Arizona senator who left the Democrats last week has filed paperwork to run as an Independent in 2024, a reflection of her state’s purple values. At the same time, Sinema seems to have developed quite an entrepreneurial side hustle. Slate’s Christina Cauterucci discovered that Congress’s most ostentatious dresser has been hawking old clothes on Facebook Marketplace. The user is currently hawking — among other things — a $215 cycling ensemble, a $25 trucker hat, and a $150 stainless steel watch with a silicone strap.

Monday

12 December 2022

Cockburn

Elon Musk loudly booed on stage at Dave Chappelle gig

From our US edition

Is Elon Musk losing his appeal? Cockburn concedes that being the richest man in the world must be pretty sweet. But, what if you were phenomenally unpopular at the same time? That’s Elon Musk. The Dave Chappelle show last night in San Francisco proved that. The comedian invited Twitter boss Musk to join him on stage. “Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the richest man in the world,” Chappelle said near the end of his set at the Chase Center. And the crowd did — most of them opting to loudly boo the billionaire. The booing only intensified as Musk wandered around onstage, pacing and waving, looking visibly embarrassed. The video, which was initially posted to Twitter, has since mysteriously been deleted. Ahem. https://twitter.

Friday

9 December 2022

Cockburn

Stormy Daniels’s good fortunes

From our US edition

In the lobby of the Holiday Inn Chantilly, there’s a leak in the ceiling. Next to the pail collecting the drips sits Stormy Daniels, her client and a haunted doll called Susan. This is a normal — and paranormal — afternoon for the world’s most notorious porn star. In the time since her hush-money imbroglio with President Trump, Daniels has dedicated her time to directing porn, making some for her OnlyFans, reality TV show appearances… and the supernatural. Her latest venture sees her reading tarot for clients who book with her online. This is what has brought Cockburn to the fringes of the Exxxotica DC convention. “I usually do these up in the room,” Stormy explains, festively dressed in a red-and-black checked shirt and a snowflake necklace.

Cockburn

Harry and Meghan’s expert: ‘never sell out’

From our US edition

Afua Hirsch sells out Cockburn is reeling today after a heavy night, but it was the only thing he could do to make him forget the three hours of Whinge and Ginge that he had to watch at 3 a.m. The Harry & Meghan Netflix documentary wasn’t exactly enlightening: just a rehash of their previous groans of injustice. Although Meghan did go out of her way this time to make fun of Haz’s dear old granny, by doing an overexaggerated curtsy which made even her hapless husband look uncomfortable. https://twitter.com/chrisshipitv/status/1600845696751800321 There were new faces in the mix though, rather than the classic hagiographers. One of the journalists commentating was British journalist Afua Hirsch. Cockburn asked around... and it turns out that Hirsch isn’t exactly, er, well-liked.

Tuesday

6 December 2022

Cockburn

Romance at the porn convention

From our US edition

Northern Virginia is a wasteland. Twenty or so miles due west of Washington, DC you'll find a series of nondescript neighborhoods, with no distinct identity, no true town centers, a barely broken chain of outlet stores and closed restaurants. The stretch of highway leading from Arlington to Dulles Airport is the urban equivalent of an ellipsis: a “loading” screen of locales. There could be no more suitable place to host the most conventional of conventions. And conventions can be frightfully dull. Cockburn would know: his lengthy tenure with The Spectator has seen him grace the stalls of CPAC, AIPAC, the RNC. He is far too familiar with the jangle of elevator musak, the freebie fridge magnets, the plastic press passes. When it comes to corporate America, he has seen everything.

Monday

5 December 2022

Cockburn

Nikole Hannah-Jones to join NYT walkout

From our US edition

The New York Times Guild announced on Friday that about 1,000 of its members would walk out if their demands regarding raises and pensions, among other issues, were not addressed by December 8, this coming Thursday. And Nikole Hannah-Jones, the 1619 Project essayist, has since announced her intention to join the walkout. Do you hear the people sing? Singing a song of angry men?... Cockburn is somewhat perplexed, because to participate in a walkout, you would presumably have to be an active employee doing some form of work for the New York Times. Hannah-Jones tweeted on December 3 that, “I will be joining my NYTimesGuild colleagues in walking out if [the New York Times] doesn’t agree to a fair contract by December 8.

White House Correspondent April Ryan (Photo by Shannon Finney/Getty Images)

Cockburn

Did April Ryan have a bomb sent to her house?

From our US edition

Years ago, Cockburn was punishing himself by watching some CNN when fire alarms began blaring on set and the program anchors were ushered out of the building. Apparently, some nut was trying to send a pipe bomb to MSNBC contributor John Brennan but got his cable news networks mixed up. The perp was a man named Cesar Sayoc. He was a Donald Trump fan who had sent nearly a dozen defective explosives to high-profile Democrats. Naturally, the media made themselves the victims of the entire event, even though they were not the intended recipients of the explosives. Imagine how much hay they would have made if one of them actually was targeted!

Friday

2 December 2022

Cockburn

Which far-right pundit is a ‘twink Ernst Röhm?’

From our US edition

Yeezy come, Yeezy go Kanye West has been permanently suspended from Twitter just one month after his account being locked. Elon Musk tweeted that Ye had “violated our rule against incitement to violence", after he posted a series of erratic tweets — including a symbol combining a swastika and a Jewish star. Now a London tattoo parlor is offering free removals for anyone with a Yeezy tattoo. They’ve nicknamed the campaign “Yeezy come, Yeezy go.” https://twitter.com/mattxiv/status/1598509785225347074?s=46&t=jeqhEGKEQaVSEdSE9A5F4Q Blind item: which far-right pundit is a ‘twink Ernst Röhm?’ Which virulently anti-homosexual far-right figure, who's recently been making headlines, doth protest too much?