Cockburn, Author at The Spectator

Thursday

1 December 2022

Cockburn

Thank God: Netflix releases Harry and Meghan doc trailer

From our US edition

Sorry for the delay: Cockburn has been busy bleaching his eyes after watching the trailer for Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s newest venture, a Netflix documentary on "their story." https://twitter.com/netflix/status/1598287753774477312 People magazine claimed, “It's Meghan Markle and Prince Harry like you've never seen them before,” which makes Cockburn question if the publication has had its eyes and ears shut for the last two years. The documentary series, which is composed of six episodes and will premiere in December, includes personal footage of the pair at their wedding reception, on a trip to Africa and while Meghan is pregnant. But what’s a Meghan and Harry venture without the doom? The trailer also includes footage of Meghan wiping away tears. Perfect timing!

Tuesday

29 November 2022

Cockburn

Invite Cockburn to your Christmas party

From our US edition

The last of Mrs. Cockburn’s turkey was scraped into the trash can late on Monday night. As she trudged up the stoop of her Dupont Circle manse, she caught a glimpse of her bedraggled husband through the window. Dimly lit by the glow of their hearth, Cockburn was slumped in his armchair, eyes twitching with discomfort. Both sleeves of his Charles Tyrwhitt shirt were rolled up; an IV drip was affixed to each forearm. The crumpled correspondent shifted in his corduroys as the clear fluids trickled in. Mrs. Cockburn shook her head as she entered the house and headed straight upstairs. “The Ritual” had begun early this year. Cockburn usually wouldn’t kick off his fierce pre-party season hydration regimen until Advent at least.

Monday

28 November 2022

Cockburn

No, the word of the year isn’t ‘gaslighting’

From our US edition

“Gaslighting” is Merriam-Webster’s “word of the year,” you say? Doesn’t sound right. Cockburn wonders who told you that? Maybe it’s just your terrible memory causing you to imagine crazy stuff… again. It’s likely you just think searches for the word “gaslighting” increased at merriam-webster.com by 1,740 percent this year, but everyone knows you tend to exaggerate things and can often be a little, shall we say, dramatic.

Cockburn

Prince Harry’s travails in cougartown

From our US edition

Prince Harry’s life has been as dramatic as an episode of the Real Housewives franchise over the past few years — yet now it has resurfaced that he once dated an ex-cast member. Catherine Ommanney, who once featured on The Real Housewives of DC, appears to be so small-fry that she doesn’t even justify a Wikipedia page. In fact, when Cockburn was searching her name, a he noticed she periodically flashes up from time to time to rehash the sordid details about her fling with the prince. Maybe that’s his type: a woman that can’t keep schtum.

Friday

25 November 2022

Cockburn

Kanye’s Thanksgiving feast with Trump, Milo and Nick Fuentes

From our US edition

While you were carving the turkey with your family last night, Kanye West was on Twitter, unveiling his 2024 masterplan. On Thanksgiving night, the rapper posted a video titled “Mar-a-Lago debrief,” in which he said Donald Trump was “really impressed with Nick Fuentes.” That would be the same Nick Fuentes who heads up the far-right incel-adjacent "groyper" movement, attended both the Charlottesville and January 6 protests (he was on the steps of the Capitol) and has spoken critically about the notion that America is a "Judeo-Christian" nation. Also, like Milo Yiannopoulos, he's now working on the Kanye 2024 campaign. With friends like these... https://twitter.

Wednesday

23 November 2022

Cockburn

Ron Klain ruins Thanksgiving

From our US edition

Top Twitter user Ron Klain is at it again. This time, the terminally online White House chief of staff tweeted out a list of talking points to bring up when your Uncle goes after Joe Biden at Thanksgiving dinner. Putting aside the fact that uncle should only be capitalized when it is being used as a proper noun, Cockburn is stunned at the daftness of the compilation. https://twitter.com/WHCOS/status/1595414110438662144 Klain claims that “gas prices are down by $1.35/gallon since June and inflation is moderating”, which while technically true, requires you to ignore the fact that gas prices were over $4.90/gallon in June. He uses the same laughable logic regarding inflation: it has "moderated" from a multiple-decade’s high of 9.1 percent in June to a still painful 7.

Tuesday

22 November 2022

Cockburn

Revealed: which industries have lost the most workers this year?

From our US edition

The Great Resignation continues, with a new study revealing that employees in many industries are quitting at higher rates than 2021. Accommodation and food services lost 5.8 percent of its workforce — 773,600 workers — in 2022, an increase of about 128,000 over the same period in 2021. Retail lost 3.82 percent, or about 600,000 workers, though this is 109,000 fewer than the same period in 2021. In third is the entertainment sector at 3.58 percent, accounting for 82,200 jobs, rising 7,000 compared to 2021. These industries happen to be where employees are in closest contact with customers — which would probably cause Cockburn to quit too, given how rude folks can be. Manufacturing and mining, by contrast, saw 2.42 and 2.3 percent respectively.

Cockburn

Why is Milo Yiannopoulos working for Kanye’s 2024 campaign?

From our US edition

Just eighteen days after Kanye West vowed that he was taking a thirty-day cleanse from talking, drinking alcohol, watching porn and having sex, the disgraced rapper is back. And like his idol Donald Trump, he's even announced a 2024 presidential bid. If at first you don’t succeed, maybe don’t try again? In a video shared on YouTube this weekend, Kanye revealed far-right provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos as a new campaign staffer. "This is Milo right here, working on the campaign," the mogul said. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1FQXbqRuMs&ab_channel=X17onlineVideo When the cameraman asked if that was an announcement, Kanye laughed as Milo confirmed: "I guess it is. Thanks, I accept." The cameraman then asked Kanye: "So you are running?

Monday

21 November 2022

Cockburn

Naomi Biden’s White House wedding: in pictures

From our US edition

Wedding bells are ringing! President Joe Biden’s granddaughter, Naomi, was treated to a White House wedding to Peter Neal over the weekend. The ceremony was the nineteenth White House wedding — and the first for a presidential family member held on the grounds since the Clinton era. Naomi's nuptials come just a week after Tiffany Trump's private wedding in Mar-a-Lago. And the pair have more than November weddings in common: Tiffany and Naomi overlapped at the prestigious University of Pennsylvania, the Ivy League college that Donald Trump attended. Cockburn's spies claim they even used to be spotted at the same parties. The Biden wedding was also a strictly behind-closed-doors affair.

Friday

18 November 2022

Cockburn

The Qatar World Cup is sport’s Fyre Festival

From our US edition

Two days before the start of the FIFA World Cup in Qatar, authorities have decided to ban the sale of alcohol within the eight stadiums hosting matches. Only non-alcoholic options will be available. Cockburn is appalled at the audacity of such a move — soccer without booze!? How will anyone cope? Beer will apparently be available at the Fan Festival among other areas, but that's little consolation. Not to mention the fact that Budweiser had a sponsorship deal with FIFA for the World Cup. Who knew that the Gulf nation could be so ruthless? (Lots of people.) Qatar is already struggling to attract fans, with inadequate lodging options and incredibly high fees.

Cockburn

Elizabeth Holmes’s new sidekick

From our US edition

NRSC OOO The National Republican Senate Committee has found itself under the microscope lately as the post-election finger-pointing intensifies. They have faced calls for a review of the GOP campaign arm's spending, after chairman Senator Rick Scott blamed "unauthorized and improper bonuses" awarded to staff. Cockburn can’t help but wonder if the NRSC would be better prepared for this flurry of bad press had they not let their comms staff work remotely all summer... *** Holmes’s new sidekick Elizabeth Holmes, the disgraced Theranos founder, has got herself a fanboy.

Thursday

17 November 2022

Cockburn

The best places to watch the Qatar World Cup in DC

From our US edition

Winter is just around the corner — and you know what that means: the Soccer World Cup? Yes, as sleigh bells ring and children listen, a motley crew of twenty- and thirtysomething millionaires will be kicking balls around in hastily constructed stadiums in the desert. The tournament is in Qatar for the first time — not known as a great footballing nation (their men’s team has never qualified on merit), but the head of their FA was deputy head of FIFA during Sepp Blatter’s appallingly corrupt tenure, so that’s got to be a good enough reason to host it there. In the middle of the regular season. In new arenas that thousands of migrant workers died building.

Wednesday

16 November 2022

Cockburn

Meghan Markle: America’s laziest interviewer

From our US edition

Remember Oprah Winfrey's bombshell "interview" with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry earlier this year, in which she stroked her subjects’ egos and failed to probe them on any of their hyperbolic claims? Well, Cockburn has found an even worse interviewer than Oprah: Meghan Markle. Listening to Archetypes, Meghan’s podcast about "dissecting labels," Cockburn found it a little weird that the guests never spoke over each other. You’d think that as the interviewees they’d try and get a word in edgeways through Meghan’s babbling. After labeling the show a "candid conversation" it seems the conversation is actually happening without Meghan. One of the podcast guests has revealed that she didn't actually speak to Meghan for the show in an Instagram post.

Monday

14 November 2022

Cockburn

HOW?! Pete Davidson dating Emily Ratajkowski

From our US edition

Ladies and gentlemen, he’s done it again. Pete Davidson is reportedly dating Emily Ratajkowski: model, businesswoman and certified stunner. The news isn’t that shocking to Cockburn after seeing the string of babes Davidson has dated in the past. The list includes Ariana Grande, Kate Beckinsale, Margaret Qualley, Kaia Gerber, Phoebe Dynevor and most recently Kim Kardashian. Pete’s whirlwind romance with Kardashian ended earlier this year after just nine months together. Thank goodness Skete got rid of his tattoos dedicated to Kim that read, “My girl is a lawyer,” and also the initials of Kim and her four kids; KNSCP, representing North, Saint, Chicago and Psalm.

Cockburn

Tiffany Trump’s Mar-a-Lago wedding: in pictures

From our US edition

After a rough week — in which American voters rejected several of his handpicked candidates at the polls — at least Donald Trump got to wind down at his daughter Tiffany’s wedding at Mar-a-Lago. It should have been one of the best days of the former president’s life, but as the Champagne was flowing and Trump was making a heartfelt father-of-the-bride speech at the reception, the Democrats gained control of the Senate. Cockburn had a snoop at the special day. Here are some of the best pics: View this post on Instagram A post shared by Ivanka Trump (@ivankatrump) To Trump's credit, he makes some good-looking daughters. Clearly Ivanka got the memo that they needed "something blue.

Friday

11 November 2022

Cockburn

Scoop: top GOP donors to meet in Miami in plot to stop Trump

From our US edition

Everybody hates Donald? An emergency gathering is set to be held in Miami next week to talk about “the Trump problem,” a source tells Cockburn. Steve Wynn and other big-shot GOP donors are said to want to “move on from Trump,” so are coming together to decide how to keep him from securing the 2024 nomination. The former president has been said to be in a “terrible mood” and “throwing regular tantrums” after the failure of his chosen candidates in the midterms. He is also facing mutiny from previously die-hard fans who adored him before Tuesday, such as: Candace Owens: "Trump needs to take a good look in the mirror and he needs to take a good look in the room, and he needs to read the room accurately.

Thursday

10 November 2022

Cockburn

WATCH: Germans are dancing to stay warm this winter

From our US edition

The world's eyes have been on America this week, thanks to the midterms. Cockburn, however has been gazing across the Atlantic with amusement. A new dance class is being offered in Germany called "Let’s Move — Tanzt Euch Warm," or "dance yourselves warm," to combat rising energy costs as the temperature falls. https://twitter.com/reuters/status/1590588816716242944 Watching the footage of the chilly krauts cha-cha-cha-ing, Cockburn can’t help but recall former president Donald Trump’s speech to the United Nations back in 2018, where he warned that "Germany will become totally dependent on Russian energy." At the time, the German delegation laughed and shook their heads at what they considered yet another absurd broadside from the American president. https://twitter.

Cockburn

Hurricane Nicole backs Ron DeSantis over Trump

From our US edition

The red wave didn’t happen, but Mother Nature is unleashing waves of torrential rain on Mar-a-Lago ahead of the wedding of Donald Trump’s daughter, Tiffany, to billionaire Michael Boulos, set for this weekend. Cockburn can’t help but marvel how Hurricane Nicole spared Ron DeSantis’s reelection on Tuesday, but is now, along with Republicans everywhere, unleashing some Old Testament-style vengeance on the Trump family. Tiffany Trump is reportedly “flipping out” as Mar-a-Lago has been partially evacuated and staff sent home ahead of the impending storm. Much like the red wave Trump was prepared to take credit for, Page Six reports that many Trump friends “might not make it” to the party (just as they failed to make it to their own victory parties earlier this week).

Wednesday

9 November 2022

Cockburn

Is Mastodon the new Twitter?

From our US edition

It’s been less than two weeks since Elon Musk took over Twitter — and Cockburn is finding the app more chaotic than ever. The news of the tech takeover really separated the kids from the grown-ups. One by one, the haughtiest users have bravely announced their departure from the bird website. Ciao! The latest to go is the British actor Stephen Fry, who posted a picture of Scrabble letters spelling out "goodbye" to his 12.5 million followers. He’s since headed over to Mastodon. Never heard of it? Neither had Cockburn until he got his tech-savvy nieces to give him a hand. And now he can say, with authority, that it is even worse than Twitter. When signing up to Mastodon, users choose a "server," which is based on your interests. "Mindly.

Tuesday

8 November 2022

Cockburn

Trump calls for McConnell’s ouster on eve of election

From our US edition

Former president Donald Trump called for Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell to be replaced by Senator Rick Scott during a rally in Ohio late Monday night. Cockburn is not terribly surprised that the former president would choose to attack his party a day before what promises to be a Republican wave — after all, he's aligned with the voices on the left who consider the GOP "the Trump Party." Trump branded McConnell a “lousy leader,” saying he “has been very bad for our nation” and “very bad for the Republican Party.” He also praised Scott as a “very talented guy” who is the “likely candidate” to replace McConnell.