Cockburn, Author at The Spectator

Wednesday

9 August 2023

Cockburn

Lizzo doesn’t want anyone to out-fat her, dancers claim

From our US edition

Earlier this month, a lawsuit was filed against Lizzo, the plus-size flute-playing singing sensation. It was alleged that she created a “hostile work environment and engaged in sexual harassment.” Lizzo has denied the allegations. But one week later and lawyers representing three of Lizzo's former dancers say they've received new complaints. Ron Zambrano said that his firm, which specializes in employment law, is vetting new allegations from at least six people who said they toured with Lizzo, including other dancers and some who said they worked on her Amazon reality show, Lizzo’s Watch Out for the Big Grrrls. The allegations are of a “sexually charged environment” and failure to pay employees.

Tuesday

8 August 2023

Cockburn

Jen Psaki’s MSNBC propaganda hour

From our US edition

If you’re looking for accurate, hard-hitting, unbiased journalism, look no further than former Biden administration press secretary Jen Psaki interviewing the former chief of staff who hired her, Ron Klain, about the administration they both worked for. That’s just what MSNBC tried to pass off as balanced coverage of current events, as Inside with Jen Psaki this weekend looked more like a segment of propaganda you’d see on the Korean Central News Agency than on a major American news network trying to be taken seriously. Of course it’s par for the course for former press secretaries to move onto TV jobs, but something about a former administration mouthpiece becoming a mainstream media administration mouthpiece seems a bit off to Cockburn.

Cockburn

Mike Pence makes the Republican debate stage

From our US edition

The list of attendees for the first GOP presidential primary debate keeps getting longer. Former vice president Mike Pence has apparently just succeeded in reaching the 40,000 unique donor milestone, granting him a spot in Milwaukee on August 23 alongside Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis, Tim Scott, Nikki Haley, Vivek Ramaswamy, Chris Christie and a governor from one of the Dakotas (not the one you like looking at). Trump may or may not attend, but whatever he chooses, Cockburn expects him to be at the center of the debate. The RNC also gave candidates some prompts about what to expect: some pre-taped questions from student members of the Young America's Foundation, one minute for answers, thirty seconds for follow-ups, forty-five seconds for closing statements, no opening statements.

Cockburn

Does Joe Biden know who the White House cocaine belongs to?

From our US edition

You may have forgotten about the White House’s resident coke fiend after weeks of headlines about Hunter Biden’s various court battles, but now the story of drugs in the Executive Mansion is back in the news. A publication is claiming that Joe Biden knows whose dime-bag it was — and it’s not Hunty. “The Secret Service told President Joe Biden the name of the person who brought a packet of cocaine into the White House last month, according to three security sources with direct knowledge of the incident," Susan Katz Keating of the relatively forgotten Soldier of Fortune magazine wrote Monday. "All three sources independently told Soldier of Fortune the same name, which arose from an investigation into the incident.

Monday

7 August 2023

Cockburn

The online fight between Musk and Zuck is more fun than the real one will be

From our US edition

Social media was always a weird place — and it's only gotten wackier. When Mark Zuckerberg’s Meta, which used to be Facebook, announced it was starting Threads, a rival to X, which used to be Twitter (catch all that?), X owner Elon Musk “took a dig about the world becoming ‘exclusively under Zuck’s thumb with no other options,’” the AP reminds us, “but then one Twitter user jokingly warned Musk of Zuckerberg’s jiu-jitsu training.” Musk responded, “I’m up for a cage match if he is lol.” Since then, Musk and Zuck have continued to poke one another (remember when “poking” someone on Facebook was a thing?) with infantile barbs that show them to be the tech nerds they really are. Cockburn is enjoying the taunting tweets (if they’re still called that?

Cockburn

How old is Meghan Markle… really?

From our US edition

There are plenty of legitimate reasons to shave a few years off your age. Sportsmen do it all the time for example. Cockburn did it in a bar last week. But if you’re in the public eye, are known for not being particularly popular and are estranged from your fame-hungry family, it’s possible that you'd raise suspicions if doing so. Meghan Markle has recently been accused of lying about her age as she celebrated her forty-second birthday on August 4. The conspiracy arose on the internet, as all the best ones do. A YouTube video viewed tens of thousands of times claims that the duchess is actually several years older. "The court papers filed by her sister state Meghan was born in 1977," the narrator says.

Friday

4 August 2023

Cockburn

The end of American retirement

From our US edition

Cockburn has been mulling over in his mind a gloomy new report about his retirement prospects. “In a July poll conducted jointly by Axios and Ipsos,” the Hill writes, “29 percent of workers under fifty-five answered a retirement query with, ‘I don’t think I will ever retire.’ Asked why not, three-quarters of the never-retire group said they could not afford to stop working. A smaller share said they didn’t want to.” With inflation doing a number on folks’ 401ks and future inflation fears rising, Cockburn is not surprised by people’s responses to this poll (except for those who don’t want to stop working — seek mental evaluation). Still, he wonders: what does our future workforce look like if it’s composed of geriatric personnel refusing or unable to retire?

Cockburn

It’s Hot Divorced World Leader Summer!

From our US edition

Are you a NATO member, single and ready to mingle? Following former Finnish prime minister Sanna Marin’s split from her husband of nineteen years, Canadian PM Justin Trudeau announced, via a heartbreaking Instagram post, that he and his wife Sophie were set to separate. Rumors that two of the world’s most photogenic leaders could shack up appear to be jumping the gun — but Cockburn is somewhat curious that Sophie, a close pal of Meghan Markle’s from her Suits-taping days in Toronto, is set to ditch her powerful hubby. Needless to say, the leaders of Finland and Canada could have existed in marital bliss had they only considered the very French option of marrying your schoolteacher, as Monsier le President Macron did... Jared Kushner’s uncle donated to... Chris Christie?

Thursday

3 August 2023

Cockburn

Women’s Health magazine’s love letter to Dr. Jill

From our US edition

First Lady Dr. Jill Biden has graced the cover of another magazine, this time Women's Health, a health and fitness periodical for female-identifiers. Brace yourself for the interview that accompanies the beach photoshoot; Liz Plosser, the mag's editor-in-chief, has a difficult time disguising her puppy-dog crush on the community college English teacher. Given the fact that Mrs. Biden is a doctor, Cockburn was hopeful that she would share some of her health-related expertise. Alas, thanks to Plosser's mighty gentle probing, we only found out a few odds and ends regarding Biden's exercise routine and love of fish and vegetables.

women's health Jill Biden attends the 2023 National Medal for Museum and Library Service ceremony (Photo by SAUL LOEB/AFP via Getty Images)

Wednesday

2 August 2023

Cockburn

Juul developing age-restricted e-cigarettes

From our US edition

Juul, the once dominant e-cigarette company, is back with a new proposed product that it hopes will rescue it from the brink of bankruptcy: age-restricted vapes. In their attempts to make smoking less accessible for minors, the company is prepared to make the simple pleasure a pain for everyone. Users first must buy a new e-cigarette that pairs with a phone app. They will then upload their government ID or a real-time selfie to the app and have a third-party database verify their identity. A unique Pod ID chip within the Juul device will detect counterfeit cartridges made by other companies, who have flooded the market with illegal fruity flavors that appeal to minors. To further combat the problem, the new device only comes with just one flavor—Virginia Tobacco.

Cockburn

Report: Meghan Markle backed for president by Biden’s sister

From our US edition

From the palace to the White House? Joe Biden's sister, Valerie Biden Owens, endorsed Meghan Markle as a woman she would back to be president, the Daily Mail reports. The former actress is topping a poll after Democrats asked which woman they would vote for. She is tied with Vice President Kamala Harris and ahead of Hillary Clinton. While this may seem impressive considering Meghan has yet to make any serious moves in the political world, polling experts have put the positive result down to the "fact that the choices the Democrats have are not great," according to the Mail. Cockburn isn’t sure how strong an endorsement Valerie Biden Owens is: by all accounts she has no idea what is actually going on in the world.

Tuesday

1 August 2023

Cockburn

Musk wades into South Africa’s ‘white genocide’ spat

From our US edition

It may be hard to trust many of the storylines pushed by the media, but Cockburn must admit that looking to new Twitter — now X — isn't likely to solve any problems either. The owner of that troubled platform, Elon Musk, illustrated Monday exactly why. The SpaceX and Tesla CEO, who has over 150 million followers, replied to a series of tweets asserting that white genocide is on the verge of erupting in South Africa. One response came to Benny Johnson, who posted a video of Julius Malema, the firebrand head of South Africa’s far-left Economic Freedom Fighters Party, singing the apartheid-era anthem “Dubul’ ibhunu,” or “Shoot the Boer” at a political rally.

Monday

31 July 2023

Cockburn

Cardi B is dangerous with a mic — literally

From our US edition

2023 has the summer of unruly concertgoers. So far, bras, phones and a woman’s ashes have been thrown, pelted, and flung at the likes of Bebe Rexha, Drake, Kelsea Ballerini, Kid Cudi, Pink and Harry Styles. Now that Cardi B has become the latest victim, the celebrities are finally fighting back. On Saturday, Cardi B was performing her 2018 hit “Bodak Yellow” at Drai’s Beach Club in Las Vegas when a concertgoer threw her drink at the rapper. Cardi B immediately hurled her microphone into the audience before unleashing a string of expletives. Cockburn commends Cardi for her excellent aim — she hit the culprit squarely in the chest. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlYU3Lpx9b0&ab_channel=CNN Cardi had warmed up her throwing arm the night before.

Cockburn

Meghan and Harry versus the Beckhams

From our US edition

David and Victoria Beckham are the latest celebs to be Markled. In case you don’t know what this is, Cockburn includes the Urban Dictionary definition below: Markled: To be "Markled" is when a new friend appears in your life, bombards you with attention and favor requests, once you are secure in the friendship things settle down, however, after a period of no communication you attempt to contact your friend only to be ignored and ghosted without warning, explanation and every avenue of open communication is now closed and you are effectively deleted from the friends life once you have served your purpose and are no longer of any use to her as she has now ascended the next rung of the social ladder.

Friday

28 July 2023

Cockburn

Nancy Mace’s hot summer

From our US edition

South Carolina congresswoman Nancy Mace has been floated as a potential vice presidential pick for Donald Trump. If her remarks at a prayer breakfast this week are anything to go by, she’d be a great fit, as she shares the Donald’s knack for scandalizing evangelicals. “I woke up this morning at 7,” Mace told the group Thursday morning. “Patrick, my fiancé, tried to pull me by my waist over this morning in bed and I was like, ‘No baby, we don’t got time for that this morning. I gotta get to the prayer breakfast, and I gotta be on time.’” An online furore followed, with some puritans pearl-clutching over the fact that Mace, a divorcée, was bragging about having premarital sex. “I go to church because I’m a sinner not because I’m a saint!

Thursday

27 July 2023

Cockburn

Prince Harry’s UK phone hacking claims dismissed

From our US edition

Prince Harry’s recent run of bad luck is continuing, after it was ruled Thursday that his phone-hacking claims against a UK publisher have been thrown out by a High Court judge. The judge also dismissed Harry's conspiratorial claim that there was a “secret agreement” between Buckingham Palace and the British press, calling the arrangement Harry described “implausible.” In his ruling, the judge said that the prince’s case had “not reached the necessary threshold of plausibility and cogency.” Harry’s lawsuit accusing the publisher of the Sun tabloid of unlawfully snooping on him, can go to trial.

Cockburn

Old buff dudes, just stop: women are not into your bodies

From our US edition

There’s a disturbing trend Cockburn has noticed lately that involves men d'un certain âge being inappropriately ripped. We’re not talking about the darling geriatric mall-walkers taking laps for their heart health; Cockburn is referring to the Jeff Bezoses (Bezii?) and the RFK Jrs. and the Sylvester Stallones of the world who are buffer than their aged bones might naturally allow. For starters, when you see Jeff Bezos’s fifty-nine-year-old “muscular physique” as he climbs aboard his “$500 million superyacht,” admit it: you’re disturbed. Before his billions, Bezos was a skinny nerd with the brawn of a wet spaghetti noodle.

Cockburn

DC outsider Doug Burgum at the Capitol Hill Club

From our US edition

North Dakota governor Doug Burgum is used to being counted out — and he brought that underdog energy to a meet and greet to Washington, DC, just in time to celebrate his surprising qualification for the Presidential Republican primary debate stage. At the swanky Capitol Hill Club he made his case. He was surrounded by his state’s congressional delegation along with Senator Susan Collins, former senator Norm Coleman and a room of curious onlookers, many of whom told Cockburn they first learned of his campaign when he launched a clever scheme to mail out $20 gift cards in exchange for a $1 donation—a way to reach the 40,000 donor threshold to make the stage.

Tuesday

25 July 2023

Cockburn

The Biden family dog’s biting spree

From our US edition

The Biden family seems to care more about its dogs than the men and women who work to keep them safe every day. After numerous biting incidents, often but not exclusively of Secret Service agents, their dog Major was expelled. Now it may be Commander’s turn to hit the road — the question is how many agents need to get bitten first. The New York Post reports that over the course of four months, September 2022 to January 2023, the German Shepherd bit seven people, and there are likely more incidents outside that block of time. Cockburn finds it a bit strange that neither Joe nor Jill are willing to take the proactive step of muzzling their dogs — after all, hasn't this White House been all too eager to muzzle Americans?

Cockburn

Allan’s big moment: discontinued doll’s price rises thanks to Barbie

From our US edition

If you saw the Barbie movie this week, chances are you enjoyed Michael Cera's performance as the long forgotten Allan doll. Cockburn must admit he doesn’t have much experience with kids’ toys (thanks to his lawyers, who fight paternity suits like pitbulls), but even he’s surprised at how lucrative a market the doll market is becoming. After its opening weekend, where Barbie raked in an estimated $155 million, now anyone with an Allan doll can make their own small fortune by selling it. Over the weekend, several eBay listings for old Allan dolls increased their prices. Before the film came out, some were priced as low as $30; now, the valuation has increased to over $300. Since the movie's release, Allan has turned into a fan favorite.