Cockburn

Cockburn

Mischief, mayhem and Washington gossip. Send tips and party invites to cockburn@thespectator.com.

Christine Blasey Ford to release memoir

From our US edition

Christine Blasey Ford is back and ready for more — disbelief, tears? Perhaps all of it. The professor of sociology who testified in 2018 that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh had committed sexual assault against her in high school is set to release a memoir this March detailing the trial.   Cockburn suspects your opinion on whether the book will be fiction or nonfiction depends on how you vote, though One Way Back promises to be “the compelling true story behind the testimony that awed the nation.”   According to St. Martin’s Press, the memoir recounts the months leading up to the Kavanaugh confirmation hearing as Ford attempted to get information “into the right hands” without bringing backlash on her friends and family.

In defense of Susanna Gibson, the camgirl running for the Virginia House of Delegates

From our US edition

Susanna Gibson isn’t your average suburban mom of two. The forty-year-old nurse practitioner is running for a seat in Virginia’s House of Delegates. But before that, she was earning tips by performing online sex with her husband, on her account called the “Hotwifeexperience.”   As recently as last year, Gibson was live-streaming videos of herself and her husband to the website Chaturbate where she encourages viewers to pay her tokens for incrementally flagrant acts to, she jokes in one clip, “raise money for a good cause.” Cockburn doubts this is the most undignified thing a candidate has done for donations. It sure is a lot livelier than Doug Burgum’s giftcard scheme to qualify for the GOP debate stage.

susanna gibson

Treachery! Americans rank Britain the world’s best country

From our US edition

It turns out the Revolutionary War was fought in vain. According to a US News and World Report survey, most Americans prefer the United Kingdom to these United States. In Cockburn’s estimation, this a betrayal, a national embarrassment and the least patriotic thing an American could say. We might as well join the Commonwealth.  According to the US News annual Best Countries ranking released on Wednesday, Americans believe the UK is the best country in the world. The report, which aggregates data from respondents worldwide about cultural influence, quality of life and power among other categories, ranked Switzerland first for the fifth time in eight years. America came in fifth, falling one spot since last year.

nigel farage britain united kingdom country

Will Trump stop using reelection money on legal bills?

From our US edition

Donald Trump is in the process of setting up the Patriot Legal Defense Fund, a fund to help pay off legal bills for him and his co-defendants in the four indictments he is facing, according to a report in the Messenger. Up until this point, the former president’s legal fees had been paid by his Save America super PAC. “Save America wasn’t really designed as a legal defense fund, so as the legal landscape evolved, so did this effort,” a Trump official told the site’s Marc Caputo. So who can expect to be covered? Rudy Giuliani, presumably, who is named as a co-conspirator in Fani Willis’s Georgia case, and was the beneficiary of a Trump-hosted legal fundraiser at Bedminster last night. Giuliani’s fellow election attorney Jenna Ellis?

donald trump legal reelection funds

Vogue circles wagons around the Biden admin with KJP profile

From our US edition

Vogue is on a hot streak when it comes to elevating the underqualified ladies of the Biden administration, with Karine Jean-Pierre the latest to receive the magazine's star treatment. The women's fashion mag gave Vice President Kamala Harris the cover just one day before her inauguration in January 2021... a cover which was heavily criticized for its awful lighting and less-than-chic fashion direction. The VP's famously restrained entourage let anyone who'd listen know that they had not approved the image, and cowed the magazine into releasing their preferred shot as a digital edition. First Lady Jill Biden — a "joy multiplier" and "goddess" — nabbed her own cover that July.

vogue White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)
george santos

The George Santos report that led half his campaign staff to quit

From our US edition

If you want something done, do it yourself — that includes getting a report on your fake résumé written up before your political adversaries can. It's advice that the George Santos campaign took to heart when he was running for Congress in 2022.   Months before the media began to pounce upon Santos’s seemingly endless stream of lies, he already had them well documented. In 2021, his campaign paid $16,600 to Capital Research Group in Washington, DC, to deliver a secret internal report on Santos’s storied past.

National Symphony Orchestra declared a ‘nut-free zone’

From our US edition

It seems DC’s thirst for restrictions did not end last April when the city dropped its mask mandate. Washingtonians still feel an incessant need to be regulated and the National Symphony Orchestra has just found the most recent method — nut bans.   In an email passed to Cockburn by a tipster about a concert starting this week at the NSO, orchestra management has established a “nut-free zone” in the building. Per their order, all performances September 5-8 will be strictly nut-free — and that’s not all. Trace amounts of nut oil will also be prohibited.  “No foods with peanuts or hazelnuts or foods cooked in nut oil can be brought onstage or backstage,” the email reads.

nut-free zone

Barron Trump for the NBA Draft?

From our US edition

Can Barron Trump dunk? That’s the question posed by one opportunistic sportsbook this week, who started taking bets on which college the former president’s youngest son will play basketball at (their top choices I are the U and St. John’s at +300). The company is also offering odds on whether he’ll be drafted by an NBA team and in which round. So could he make it? On the one hand, at 6’7”, he’s the same height as NBA All-Star Luka Dončić — and, through his mother, the same nationality. On the other hand, Barron is on the record as preferring soccer.

barron trump

Elon Musk wants your biometric data, please

From our US edition

Get a sample of your bodily fluids ready: Elon Musk is coming for them.  X, the social media company formerly known as Twitter, announced in its updated privacy policies that it will begin collecting users' biometric data next month. “Based on your consent, we may collect and use your biometric information for safety, security, and identification purposes,” the policy says. The catch — you don't have a choice. According to X users, they have already been prompted to accept pop-ups for the policy that wouldn't close unless they hit "got it." But the new policy, which goes into effect on September 29, won't be the first time X has gathered biometric data.

elon musk remote work biometric data

Everyone must watch this One America News rap song

From our US edition

Move over Oliver Anthony: there's a new parallel economy music sensation in town. Forgiato Blow, the self-described "Mayor of Magaville," released a new fiery masterpiece: "REAL AMERICA." The song, which features Dan Ball, the host of One America News Network’s Real America, is in fact very Real; the bars in it are Realer still.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znoFeicCJl8&ab_channel=MayorOfMagaville The music video begins with an introduction from OANN's Ball, “We got breaking news: the 45th president of the United States Donald J. Trump has been indicted for the fourth time by a corrupt Biden regime justice system, and patriots are fed up.” Following this, with smooth slow-motion transitions, South Florida white rapper Blow joins Ball on set.

forgiato blow one america news network

The MAGA mugshot cash-in

From our US edition

It’s finally here: the Donald Trump mugshot, already one of the most iconic images of the twenty-first century. Trump scowls into the camera at the Fulton County Sheriff’s Office, clad in his trademark navy suit and red tie, eyes brimming with contempt. And his campaign is well aware of the image’s power. “If you are a campaign, PAC , scammer and you try raising money off the mugshot of  @realDonaldTrump and you have not received prior permission …WE ARE COMING AFTER YOU    you will NOT SCAM DONORS,” Trump 2024 senior advisor Chris LaCivita posted on X Thursday.

Trump mugshot composition

Doug Burgum maims himself playing basketball on eve of debate

From our US edition

Just call him Dunk Burgum! North Dakota governor Doug Burgum suffered a late setback on the eve of the first Republican presidential debate. Burgum was whisked off to the ER Tuesday night, according to CNN’s Dana Bash, after “suffering an injury while playing a game of pick-up basketball with his staff.” The rumor on the ground in Milwaukee is that Burgum has injured his Achilles, per Cockburn’s spies, throwing his appearance at tonight’s debate into doubt. Cockburn has reached out to the Burgum campaign for confirmation. Billionaire Burgum made a surge for the debate stage thanks to a creative fundraising scheme that saw a $1 donation rewarded with a $20 gift card. Could that mega-splurge have been in vain?

The Democratic Party goes alpha

From our US edition

Is the Democratic Party trying to be more masculine? An eagle-eyed political observer pointed out recently that the DNC’s official logo has mysteriously changed color without any public fanfare. The logo, which features a “D” inside of a circle, used to be a sky blue. At some point in 2022, the “D” went quite a few shades darker to a royal blue. You can spot the difference in this side-by-side: A graphic design expert tells Cockburn that the change might have been an attempt to make the party’s colors better match its newfound lip service to the working class under Biden. Alternatively, they may be trying to cash in on those “dark Brandon” memes! A tale of two Naomis There are few things more annoying than being mistaken for someone else.

joe biden

MTG the triple threat: VP? Trump cabinet? Senate?

From our US edition

Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene is considering taking Donald Trump’s advice that she run for the Senate (he said he’d “fight like hell” for her), but she’s also thinking about whether she’d be asked to join Trump’s cabinet — and maybe even be his vice president — should he win the GOP’s 2024 presidential nomination. When the Atlanta Journal-Constitution asked her if she’d be running for Senate, MTG said she has “a lot of things to think about,” including a potential cabinet position. If Trump asked her to be his running mate, MTG said she’d consider it “very, very heavily.

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tiffany gomas

Is Tiffany Gomas real?

From our US edition

Tiffany Gomas, the woman that found global fame after claiming, and pardon Cockburn's French, “that motherfucker is not real,” on an American Airlines flight in July, has recently uploaded an apology video to her brand new Twitter account.  https://twitter.com/Tiffany_Gomas/status/1690805418635952128 In the video, Gomas, a Texas native says, “Hi, everyone, it’s me, Tiffany Gomas, probably better known as the ‘crazy plane lady,’ which is completely warranted. “My use of profanity was completely unnecessary, and I want to apologize to everyone on that plane, especially those that had children aboard. “We all have our bad moments, um, some are far worse than others, and mine happened to be caught on camera for the whole world to see multiple times.

Inside Never Back Down’s bar fight in Iowa

From our US edition

It sounds like Never Back Down, the PAC supporting Florida governor Ron DeSantis, is having a little too much fun at the Iowa State Fair. Politico reported Sunday that a group of Never Back Down officials got into a shouting match at a local bar with a Trump supporter who was sporting a "Back to Back Iowa Champ" hat. According to two witnesses, the fight was started by communications director Erin Perrine, who told the supporter: "You know you lost." "The resulting shouting match lasted several minutes," the outlet reported. "Multiple 'F'-bombs were dropped. At one point, a Trump supporter made a lewd comment to Perrine, a fourth person familiar with the events told Politico. No physical fight ever occurred.

ron desantis never back down
kamala harris style aesthetic

Kamala Harris’s home aesthetic is as charming as a Super 8 hotel room

From our US edition

Nothing says “you have a fantastic sense of style!” quite like... your choices offer “a valuable lesson in color trends.” Cockburn can’t imagine what Mrs. Cockburn’s reaction would be if he said that about her eveningwear, yet that’s the best Homes & Gardens could come up with in describing the “controversial” paint colors Kamala Harris chose for the interior of her official residence. Harris’s Number One Observatory Circle home is full of “anti-fashion” gray hues, explains the publication, with the open-place space boasting “a strikingly gray color palette — from the painted walls to the drapes, dining chairs, and large rug atop the wood floor.”   In other words, the vice president’s domicile is drab AF.

‘No comment’: Biden’s response to deadly Maui wildfires

From our US edition

Let them eat pineapple? President Joe Biden, who was approached by reporters while leaving the beach on Sunday, declined to comment on the deadly Maui wildfires that have thus far claimed ninety-six American lives. "No comment," Biden told the press as he trudged back over the sand dunes after a few hours catching some rays. Cockburn is shocked he didn't check his watch before bothering to offer those two words. The president's reaction has prompted disdain — even from apparent allies. “Not a great moment for Biden here,” tweeted former CNN political editor and current Substacker Chris Cillizza. Biden’s indifference to the death and utter destruction caused by the fires is quite perplexing, given his only job is beach.

joe biden maui

No one in politics gets football

From our US edition

Fumble! Everyone is dropping the ball when it comes to mixing sports and politics. President Joe Biden tried to relate to former Democratic senator Martin Heinrich with a ham-fisted football reference, telling him, “I’m glad I was a flanker back. I’m glad I didn’t have you on the other side as a tight end.”  https://twitter.com/greg_price11/status/1689355172957323265 Unfortunately, the term “flanker back” is only known to anyone under the age of eighty as a wide receiver. Plus a flanker would never be squaring off against a tight end, since they’re both offensive positions. Oh, Uncle Joe!  Meanwhile, one of Biden’s potential 2024 opponents, Florida governor Ron DeSantis, clearly should have stuck to baseball.

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Lady Gaga’s dad takes on NYC’s ‘Bad Romance’ with migrants

From our US edition

Lady Gaga’s dad is giving New York City a Million Reasons to tackle the 90,000 migrants and asylum-seekers who have descended on the city since last spring. Sixty-six-year-old Joe Germanotta is fed up with “all the mayhem” some 500 illegal migrants staying at the Stratford Arms Hotel are inflicting on his Upper East Side neighborhood, he told the New York Post “If it was like this when my girls were growing up, I wouldn’t be living in New York,” Germanotta said. According to the Post, he’s also “compiling a list of local residents’ concerns to take to lawmakers, the NYPD and the homeless services in protest.” Germanotta said the influx of migrants was carried out as a rapid “stealth operation” because “they didn’t want anybody to know what was going on.

lady gag joe germanotta bad romance