Alex Massie

Oh, look, it's time for another episode of Jocksplaining. That is, time to remind some people south of the wall that what's obvious to them is not at all obvious to the folk north of the wall. There has been, in recent days, a flurry of articles claiming that, look, there's no need to worry about a British exit from the EU because it will have no negative consequences whatsoever. You certainly shouldn't think that it might prompt fresh demands for a new referendum on Scottish independence (even though the SNP say it might) and you really shouldn't think such a referendum might produce a Yes vote (even though the most recent poll on the matter says it would). There's nothing to see here. Shut-up, everyone.

I love the new politics. It warms my heart even on cold and gloomy winter mornings. The novelty of the always-new, freshly-minted, happy-shiny, more-decent-than-thou new politics will never fade. Consider this stirring tale from beyond the wall. The Scottish Asian Women's Association (SAWA) was launched amidst what tradition dictates we must refer to as great fanfare at a lavish opening gala at Stirling Castle in 2012. The canapes alone cost £4,500. It is likely you have never heard of this charity which ostensibly exists to 'promote religious and racial harmony' by raising the profile of Scottish Asian women. Or, at any rate, raising the profile of one Scottish Asian woman.

Minority sects are often more interesting, and more colourful, than their more popular rivals. That must explain why the Scottish Tories continue to be the subject of so much fascination. Barely a month passes without someone, somewhere, asking if this — at long last — is the moment for a Scottish Tory revival. Spoiler alert: it never is. Logic says that at this year’s Scottish parliament elections, things should be different. It is generally agreed that Ruth Davidson, the party leader in Scotland, had a ‘good independence referendum’; generally agreed, too, that after Nicola Sturgeon, she might be the most impressive politician in Scotland.

Yesterday a new Scottish opinion poll reported that 58 percent of voters intend to endorse SNP candidates when the choosing time comes for next year's Holyrood elections. By any reasonable measure this is excessive, even extravagant. But there we have it. As it happens, I would be surprised if the SNP polled that well on election day itself but we live in a time of astonishment so even the previously impossible can no longer be reckoned entirely improbable. And, besides, what is the alternative? Nicola Sturgeon's greatest strength is that no-one else - or at least no-one outside her own party - can be thought a plausible First Minister.

You know what's tough these days? Being a left-wing polemicist, that's what's tough these days. You don't need to take my word for this. Just ask Owen Jones. Here he is, complaining about the "unfree media" that makes it "impossible to have a rational conversation about Jeremy Corbyn, Labour, or just politics full stop."  Now you may be tempted to say 'Aw shucks, too bad for the poor booby'. But this would be a needlessly ungenerous reaction. Because he has a point. True, it's a point occluded by leftist posturing about the unfree press but, beneath all that guff, there is a point to be made here about the nature of modern political engagement and how that all too easily crowds out common sense. There is, that is to say, a tragedy of the commons at work here.

This morning a pair of judges in Edinburgh dismissed a petition seeking to overturn the result of the general election in Orkney and Shetland. Alistair Carmichael is not guilty of breaking the Representation of the People Act (1983) and may remain a Member of Parliament. There will be no by-election in the northern isles. Obviously this was an outrage and not just because everything in Scotland these days is an outrage. It was a disgrace. A whitewash and an establishment stitch-up. A stitch-up slathered with whitewash. All across Scotland you could hear the screeching as nationalist fury chimps rattled the bars of their cages. A dirty protest of the mind will doubtless follow.

Last September, the House of Commons debated the merit and wisdom of sending British servicemen and women into action yet again. The enemy was the same then as it is now and many of the arguments for and against military action were just as familiar. But back then, back in September 2014, parliament was convinced. MPs voted in overwhelming numbers to authorise military action against ISIS in Iraq. 524 MPs voted Yes and only 43 opposed sending the RAF into the sky again. Then, as now, this was a limited action with a sharply limited set of objectives. As close to a police action as it was to a fully-fledged "war". But it was not, quite evidently, considered hugely controversial. No-one threatened to deselect MPs who voted the 'wrong' way.

Well, this is another fine mess, isn't it? Jeremy Corbyn opposes (surprise!) extending the UK's anti-ISIS mission from Iraq to Syria and this, we are told, is the Labour party's official position. Nevertheless, Labour MPs will not be whipped whenever the matter is eventually put to a vote in the House of Commons. They will be free to vote as their conscience, and their calculation of the national interest, demands. By virtue of discovering that all his other options were unsustainable, Corbyn has blundered into the only choice that was feasible all along. Truly, another memorable profile in leadership.

It's all over. In fact, it was over before it ever really began. I knew it, you knew it, and even many of the poor fish who voted for Jeremy Corbyn knew it. And now everyone knows, as Morrissey put it, That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore. The Labour party, it should now be obvious to everyone, no longer exists as a functional political organisation. Order has disintegrated and it's every man - and woman - for themselves. Save what you can while you can because things are going to get worse - a lot worse - before they get any better. It is a shambles; a once great party reduced to competing rabbles of independent gangs scavenging for whatever meagre comforts they can rescue from the rubble. Love, peace and harmony? Very nice. But maybe in the next world.

Update, 5.59pm: Natalie McGarry has now resigned the SNP whip over the campaign fund probe. First there were 56. Then there were 55. Pretty soon it seems entirely possible there will be only 54. SNP MPs, that is. Natalie McGarry, the 34 year old MP for Glasgow East, is the latest (that is, second) member of the SNP's record-breaking 2015 intake to be in discussions with the police. Ms McGarry was a leading member of Women for Independence, one of the plethora of independent campaigning organisations agitating for a Yes vote during last year's referendum campaign. Unfortunately, it seems as though a substantial amount of money, believed to be in the region of £30,000, has gone missing.

It is shocking isn't it? I mean, who knew Stop The War (sic) threw a Christmas party each year? You'd have thought they'd be more of a Winterval crowd. Perhaps there is hope for them after all. But it is not at all shocking that Jeremy Corbyn, leader of Her Majesty's loyal opposition, is, as matters stand, going to attend the most glittering event of the festive season. This is who he is. This is who he has always been. This has been obvious, too. All you had to do was open your eyes. All you needed was the ability to read. It is not, I think, an exaggeration to think that Jeremy Corbyn has more friends at Stop The War than inside the parliamentary Labour party.