Q. We have recently moved out of London and have met charming, married lesbians who are living locally. They are coming to supper next weekend for the first time. Also present will be two heterosexual couples, who will be staying with us. One of these lesbian ladies is quite clearly the ‘stud’ and my wife and I are at a loss to know how to do the places at table, i.e., should we put the stud on my right or on my wife’s right?
– J.O., Snape, Suffolk
A. On this first occasion it would be slightly heavy-handed to let on that you have spotted who is the stud, etc. Instead just work out who would most enjoy sitting next to each other and do the seating plan accordingly.
Q. We have a lovely housekeeper who’s looked after us for years and is super-efficient. However, she doesn’t have enough time to clean and hoover the whole house as well as move all the furniture and beds. We are inundated with carpet moths and I would love to get a younger person in to help but she would be mortified if I suggested it. What should I do? – Name and address withheld
A. Why not say your insurance company has stipulated you must have a deep clean twice a year or it won’t pay out for carpet replacement. Your housekeeper will probably be thrilled to have the help as long as it is given in this occasional context and does not imperil her own position.
Q. I’m getting married next year, and instead of having a wedding list my boyfriend and I would like to ask for donations towards our honeymoon. We are aiming to travel to South Korea with any proceeds. My future mother-in-law has said it would be very rude to ask people for money, but the problem is that, between us, my boyfriend and I have got everything we need to equip our flat. Any advice, Mary?
– S.D., Epsom
A. It’s not so much that it would be rude to ask for money but that it would be unproductive. Most wedding guests are psychologically primed to want to play their part in furnishing a happy home for the couple to live in. They enjoy buying, for example, a table lamp and imagining the couple thinking of them each time it is turned on or off. They instinctively don’t enjoy contributing towards something ephemeral such as a honeymoon. Instead, create a list of things that you are bound to need in the future, even if not now.
Incidentally, the late Queen Mother liked to give a set of superb, top-of-the-range pillows as wedding presents. She declared that if a couple could depend on being extremely well rested every night they would be much less inclined to divorce.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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