Here’s an interesting question: had Thomas Tuchel been Portugal’s manager rather than England’s, would he have picked Cristiano Ronaldo to go to the World Cup finals? I am pretty sure not. The reason England are better under Tuchel than they were under Gareth Southgate is that the German chose a squad equipped to go the full five weeks.
In the epic win over Mexico last weekend, what England needed in those nerve-shredding closing minutes was not for a Cole Palmer or a Phil Foden to tiptoe into the fray but for a battle-scarred old soldier like Dan Burn to take his place and start banging out the 40-yard headed clearances that kept his goalkeeper safe. (Tuchel had another old soldier in reserve, but unfortunately dear old Jordan Henderson has now wrecked his wrist on, irony of ironies, an advertising hoarding. Still, with a bit of luck, he will be back to cheer up the dressing room at the weekend.)
Tuchel looks like a history professor ready to roast his unruly students
Had he been in charge of Portugal, Tuchel wouldn’t have allowed Ronaldo to ‘waddle around like an old grandad’, in Chris Sutton’s harsh but not inaccurate words, during the defeat to Spain. It is Tuchel’s selections that have been so brilliant. To take just one: Barcelona must be thinking they have the bargain of the century in the £70-odd million they paid for Anthony Gordon, who has made a series of immense contributions to England’s fortunes in this World Cup. He laid on both Harry Kane’s goals against DR Congo and won the crucial penalty against Mexico. Above all he runs like a proper winger, happy to beat defenders on the outside and not so determined to cut inside all the time.
Tuchel looks the part too, like a cadaverous history professor ready to roast his unruly students but desperate to drive them forward to greater glory. Unlike, say, Carlo Ancelotti, heavily garlanded of course but sweating uneasily in his three-piece suit and looking as if he was wondering where he could get a decent plate of pasta. Ancelotti’s latest berth was with Brazil, and it must have been a relief when they were put out of their misery by an exemplary Norway.
On no account should England fans underestimate Norway. This is one of the most in-form teams in world football and the country has revolutionised the game at home by working on the sensible theory that it’s pointless being any good at sport if you can’t play it anywhere. Norway is not built for year-round open air football. Winters are long and daylight scarce. Grass is often either frozen or muddy. So they have installed or renovated huge numbers of artificial pitches. With more pitches, there’s more time for training, school leagues and so on. It’s the perfect breeding ground for a new surge in skilled footballers. All knockout games are tricky at this stage but good luck trying to call England’s game against Norway.
This is no time to be thinking about rugby, sadly, but anyone who missed last weekend’s Nations Championship should catch up on the opening match between the All Blacks and France at Christchurch. This was the very best of rugby, a jaw-dropping thriller from which the Kiwis emerged just 34-32 victors. It was Dave Rennie’s first Test as New Zealand coach, and he made a point of promising ‘optimistic’ rugby. If this is to be the look of the 2027 World Cup, there’s a lot to be optimistic about.
While we’re at it, English rugby’s policy of not picking players based abroad is rubbish. South Africa and nearly every other country in the world (bar NZ) just pick their best players. Imagine if the FA had a similar policy: England wouldn’t have made it out of the group stage. But England are good and could be even better given our personnel. Italy’s players ply their trade all over the place, as do Australia’s and Scotland’s and Wales’s. Why not England?
The Open looms large at Birkdale. I just hope it’ll be won by someone other than an American. I rather fancy Norway’s Viktor Hovland or Kris Reitan: could we be in for a Norwegian summer in more ways than one? For England’s sake let’s hope not.
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