Steerpike

https://twitter.com/BBCr4today/status/2083111844114252129 Convicted fraudster-turned-cabinet minister Louise Haigh has pleaded with the public to forgive her former sins. Haigh, a key operator in Andy Burnham’s coup against Sir Keir Starmer, is now First Secretary of State and will help oversee Labour’s new devolution agenda. The arch-leftie was booted out of Sir Keir’s top team after it emerged that she had falsely reported to police in 2013 that her work mobile phone had been stolen during a mugging. Haigh insisted it was a genuine mistake after later finding the device, but pleaded guilty to fraud. Naturally, that hasn’t stopped Burnham rewarding the ally who helped propel him into No. 10 with one of the plummest jobs in Westminster.

https://twitter.com/PatrickChristys/status/2082822376387953083 Europe’s illegal migration crisis plumbed astonishing new depths today as thousands of undocumented men from Morocco stormed the border into the Spanish enclave of Ceuta. Distressing footage shared on social media shows men entering the territory, perched on the northern tip of Morocco, by both land and sea. As they broke through border barricades and poured into Spanish territory, the jubilant migrants chanted: ‘Viva España!’ Authorities in Ceuta have begged Madrid for help, declaring a ‘total humanitarian and social emergency’. But naturally, Spain’s left-wing Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez has refused to deploy the military to contain the invaders.

https://twitter.com/CPhilpOfficial/status/2082467448264016191 Chris Philp’s boots-on-the-ground exposé of the small boats farce took another shocking, if unsurprising, turn today. Fresh from having a French warship fire live rounds near him in the Channel, the Shadow Home Secretary watched as gendarmes south of Boulogne-sur-Mer did absolutely nothing to stop dozens of illegal migrants hurling themselves into dinghies destined for Dover. Despite British taxpayers coughing up half a billion pounds for the French to intervene, candid officers on the beach made an astonishing confession to Philp: Our order is to let them go. We just have to say to them “don’t do that it’s dangerous”.

https://twitter.com/CPhilpOfficial/status/2082034278612037836 Chris Philp has had a rather eventful morning. While filming an interview about small boats aboard a fishing vessel in the Channel, the Shadow Home Secretary watched as a French warship fired a volley of shots just 300 metres away. A French naval officer standing at the stern of the vessel, a couple of miles off Boulogne-sur-Mer, fired 17 rounds from a handgun. The shots were aimed away from Philp – but he believes the display was intended to intimidate him into abandoning his coverage of dinghy crossings. Philp said: ‘On the channel today monitoring illegal migrant crossings … as I was being interviewed by the BBC just now a French warship approached close and fired 17 live rounds behind us.

What is it about tragedy that brings out the worst in some people? After the horrifying attack on Berlin Pride, most politicians have rushed to offer their sympathies to the city and condemn the identified perpetrator: 21-year-old Abdul Ballout, an alleged Islamist extremist. But for some, it seems, this sad occasion is just another chance to parade their idiocy in public. Sadly, among them are two of Labour's MPs: Kate Osborne and Chris Bryant. Osborne, the hard-of-thinking Labour MP for Jarrow and Gateshead East has been quick to point the finger of blame at those who are REALLY responsible – including, er, GB News.

Just in case you were worried it had slipped off the agenda, Labour MP Samantha Niblett has confirmed that her parliamentary dildo exhibition will go ahead. Her ‘summer of sex’ campaign now has the firm backing of none other than John Lewis, alongside luxury sexual wellness company Coco de Mer. The high-street giant even hosted a launch event for Niblett’s campaign on Wednesday night. Never knowingly under-stimulated, eh? Attendees at the soiree were given luxury goodie bags containing biscuits, canned cocktails and intimate bodycare products. At the event, Niblett confessed: ‘I was a little worried about putting my head above the parapet because actually, who wants to hear their MP talk about sex?

Usually the phrase ‘car crash interview’ is only a metaphor, referring to a politician after a terrible exchange. But now a more literal example of the term has occurred in Clacton, where Nigel Farage is busy stumping around on the campaign trail.  As the Reform leader stood on the pavement in Essex, campaigning in the by-election he triggered, a passing motorist wound down her window to swear at the Reform leader. Mr S will let readers watch the clip for themselves to hear the obscenity: https://twitter.com/Nigel_Farage/status/2080238160961843616?s=20 Unfortunately for the driver, her focus on Farage came at the detriment of her driving skills. Mere seconds later, her grey Vauxhall Astra had ploughed straight into the back of the car in front, waiting at a red light.

https://twitter.com/stellacreasy/status/2079596796498636827 You may have thought it nigh-on impossible, but Stella Creasy has outdone herself today. The lefty Labour MP posted a video on X showcasing what she believed to be an escaped pet parrot in a Walthamstow park. Turning the camera on herself, Creasy declared: ‘If you have lost a parrot, not a parakeet, there is a parrot on the loose in Lloyd Park. If you’ve lost an actual parrot, because it’s too big to be a parakeet, it’s in Lloyd Park right now.’ Alongside the bizarre video, she posted: Walthamstow has anyone lost a parrot? There’s one in Lloyd park right now! Please share to help reunite it with its owner!

Andy Burnham has made moving civil servants oop North a key plank of his promise to revive prosperity across the country. But the great mandarin migration is hardly a novel idea – and, if attendance figures are anything to go by, relocating our intrepid public servants has not exactly worked wonders so far. Take the MHCLG campus in Darlington. Figures for the most recent working week available show that only 44 per cent of staff assigned to the office actually turned up in person. That equates to 74 people out of a total assigned workforce of 168. Then there is the UK Statistics Authority quango and its various non-London campuses. How, Mr S hears you ask, is attendance looking there?

Taking a leaf out of Jeremy Corbyn’s playbook, Andy Burnham today used his first pledge as Prime Minister to promise an end to rough sleeping in Britain. It was Jezza’s dream to make such an announcement from the steps of No. 10, but the new MP for Makerfield got there first. There is, however, one glaring problem with Burnham’s grand vow: he does not exactly have the finest record on tackling homelessness. In his 2017 Manchester mayoral manifesto, the now-Prime Minister pledged to end rough sleeping by 2020 – only to admit in 2019 that the target would be missed. Far from eliminating the problem, in fact rough sleeping in Greater Manchester has risen for four consecutive years.

https://twitter.com/sdphq/status/2078102425106583729?s=48&t=iNz_e1VP6R_ERWsNA9_Yjg While the mainstream parties have refused to contest the Clacton by-election, one long-suffering fringe outfit has decided to join Count Binface in the race against Nigel Farage. William Clouston, leader of the Social Democratic Party – remember them? – today announced that he will have a crack at the constituency. In a video posted on social media, he said: I think it’s wrong that the major parties are boycotting this election because the people of Clacton deserve a better choice than Binface or Nigel Farage. And now they will. The SDP will make its case: Britain is not a shop or a charity, it’s our home. We must save and invest and rebuild our country.

https://twitter.com/annaroseridgway/status/2077676558169289202 Oh dear. Liz Truss’s CPAC Great Britain bonanza does not appear to have got off to quite the flying start she envisaged. Images from the InterContinental London – The O2, along with testimony from those inside, suggest the conservative jamboree is proving rather less Reagan and rather more relegation. Attendees have been struck by the emptiness of the main auditorium, while the corporate stalls have hardly been doing a roaring trade. The American-style flashing lights and thumping music have failed to summon the masses, with several observers noting that there appear to be more hacks in the room than genuine delegates.