Steerpike

Steerpike

Steerpike is The Spectator's gossip columnist, serving up the latest tittle tattle from Westminster and beyond. Email tips to steerpike@spectator.co.uk or message @MrSteerpike

Tim Farron’s Christmas roast

Christmas is a time for tradition and nowhere embraces it quite like Westminster. If you work in a building that looks like Hogwarts, it's no surprise that MPs and ministers are keen to celebrate the festive customs, be that spending quality time with your (ever-growing) family like Boris or hanging out the £8 Big Ben decorations on the tree like Liz Truss. https://twitter.com/trussliz/status/1474417298291179523?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw But in recent years a new-tradition has developed in SW1. Whereas once the Tory great and good would spend Boxing Day on the traditional hunt, these days another fox-related ritual has been established: the annual mockery of Jolyon Maugham QC.

Braverman’s brush with the law

Ah student politics: is there anything quite like it? The strange creatures it attracts, the passions it unleashes, the adolescent ambition and the glorious pettiness of it all; so vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. Such an ignoble tradition has spawned many of our lords and masters – Boris Johnson was an unabashed Union hack at Oxford while William Hague was 'convicted of electoral malpractice' in one election of the Oxford University Conservative Association (OUCA). And having spent some time recently in the Cambridge University archives, Mr S is delighted to see the route from the common room to the Commons is still alive and well.

Liverpool’s painting purge

Merseyside – the home of Roger McGough, Willy Russell and the Beatles. But it seems that despite the area's reputation as a hotbed of the arts, not all Liverpool's institutions of higher learning are too keen on resisting the tide of iconoclasm sweeping through Britain's universities.  For in the aftermath of the protests which followed George Floyd's murder last year, institutes across the UK faced demands to remove busts, paintings and statues accused of glorifying imperialism or slavery. Works withdrawn include a monument to Sir John Cass at the University of East London while at Oxford there have been renewed efforts to remove the statue of Cecil Rhodes at Oriel College.

Corbyn chief’s Caribbean dispatch

During their four years running the Labour party, most of the protagonists in the Corbyn project became well-known faces to the British public. There was the hapless Richard Burgon and the sinister John McDonnell; the flailing Diane Abbott and the unctuous Barry Gardiner. Even backroom boys like the gum-chewing spin doctor Seumas Milne briefly became minor celebrities, thanks to celebrated cameos in appearances like the 2016 Vice documentary. But one figure who remained largely unknown to the world outside Westminster was Corbyn's spokesman James Schneider, the co-founder of Momentum. Schneider spent three and a half thankless years at the Corbynista coalface, being sent out to face the media firing squad at daily lobby briefings.

The BBC’s mysterious missing Xinjiang evidence

Parliament has packed up for the holidays, with MPs and peers spending their final days in SW1 desperately dodging the omnipresent Omicron variant. But Mr S was intrigued to see an interesting intervention in the Lords on the day that recess was declared. Crossbench peer Baroness Finlay popped up to grill Foreign Office minister Lord Ahmad about China's treatment of Uighurs in Xinjiang, an unusual topic for the professor of palliative medicine to raise.  She told Ahmad that she understood the BBC 'has film evidence of the atrocities' that have been addressed in the Uyghur Tribunal, but that the Corporation has been 'reluctant to show the programmes to date, having set the evidential test so unrealistically high that it cannot be met.

Did Sturgeon’s publicity trip break NHS rules?

Nicola Sturgeon is continuing her crusade against the Scottish press. Just yesterday, Mr S was pointing out the First Minister's habit of criticising journalists who question her Covid policies, only for her government to then abruptly U-turn a few days later.  Shortly after the article was published, Sturgeon took to Twitter to boast about her latest 'media-free volunteering session' at an Edinburgh vaccine centre, declaring that she was 'not sure I was much help' but that 'it gave me good insight into how it all works.' An apt metaphor for her party's handling of the Scottish health service. https://twitter.com/NicolaSturgeon/status/1473645812328583170?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw Steerpike isn't exactly sure how a visit that is publicised to, er, 1.

Mail exodus to The Times continues

The shenanigans at Northcliffe House have given Mr S much to write about in recent months. Whether it's Geordie Greig's sudden fall from grace, Ted Verity's promotion or Lord Rothermere's designs on DMGT, it appears that the Daily Mail creates as much drama as it reports. Unfortunately it seems that the shock return of Paul Dacre last month has ruffled a fair few feathers in the newsroom, with some hacks fearing a return to what they call the 'bad old days'. Amid the uncertainty and conflicting reports about comings and goings, it's unsurprising that some young guns now see their futures elsewhere.

Sturgeon’s sneers at the Scottish press

Nationalism, grievance politics and a refusal to accept results which don't go your way are not the only things Nicola Sturgeon has in common with Donald Trump. For Scotland's First Minister has launched something of a war on the press in recent weeks, repeatedly rubbishing reporters and outlets which dare to question her handling of Covid.  Unfortunately for Sturgeon, this crusade against supposed 'fake news' has worked about as well as the SNP's handling of education, health and criminal justice over the past 14 years. For her hapless Holyrood government has been forced into no less than three U-turns in five days – despite Sturgeon ridiculing journalists who point out the error of her ways, something noted by Sun hack Chris Musson.

Coming soon: Andrew Adonis’s Blair best-seller

It's always difficult to know what to get a politics-mad relative at Christmas. Another Private Eye annual perhaps? Tickets to see Matt Forde's stand-up tour? A Blu Ray box set of The Thick Of It? Or yet another 'hilarious' satirically themed book like 'Five on Brexit Island' or 'The Illustrated Tweets of Donald Trump.'  Fortunately for those long-suffering politicos anticipating several cheeseboards and a 'witty' festive mug, help will be at hand for next year due to the imminent arrival of what will surely be the Christmas bestseller of 2022.For word reaches Mr S that Lord Adonis, Britain's most ironically-titled peer, is turning his quill to a subject very close to his heart: the definitive biography of Tony Blair.

What is the point of the Metropolitan Police?

As the year draws to a close, it's worth reflecting on which of our national institutions came out of 2021 in the worst shape. There's the Foreign Office of course, whose failure to anticipate or prepare for the fall of Kabul was so brutally exposed by its top mandarin's testimony earlier this month. There's the Church of England, whose war on parishes came close to whipping up an Anglican insurrection. And then there's the Conservative party, which seems to have embraced the dirigisme of Pompidou with none of the shiny infrastructure to match. But in a crowded field, the Metropolitan Police surely take the gold medal for the most incompetent and inept institution. On every count, the force seems to have gone backwards this year.

Foreign honours for Hunt and May

Not many people here in Westminster have a good word to say about the Theresa May years. But down in tiny San Marino, all that appears to be very different. For the landlocked republic recently chose to lavish two of its most prestigious honours on May and her Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt, with both flying there in October to have their honours conferred. Hunt received the prestigious Order of Saint Agatha at the rank Grand Officer; May's was even better, receiving the same order at the highest rank: Grand Cross.

Watch: darts fans jeer Johnson

Oh dear. It appears that Boris Johnson's love-in with the great British public appears to have well and truly concluded. Let's hope that in the wake of ‘Partygate’, Omicron and various scandals, our under-fire Prime Minister didn’t turn on the darts last night for some much-needed respite. For there, on primetime television, the crowd at London’s Alexandra Palace burst into loud and sustained chants of ‘Stand up if you hate Boris’ that echoed around the 2022 Darts World Championship arena. Others held up signs saying ‘All round to Boris’s for afters’ and with pictures of cheese and wine, branded ‘This is a business meeting.

Four times Boris said this Christmas would be better than last

'It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...' Or it certainly was until Omicron intervened. For the latest Covid variant has raised fears the government will be forced into a Groundhog Day style re-run of the awful events of last December, when Boris Johnson 'cancelled Christmas' less than a week before the big day. What followed was somewhere between Planes, Trains and Automobiles and the evacuation of Saigon as thousands of desperate Londoners stampeded through stations to get home before restrictions took effect. Twelve months on and with most of Britain double or triple jabbed, there were hopes such scenes could be avoided this year.

Security fears over missing Whitehall kit

Whitehall has never been known to be at the cutting edge of technology. The mandarin masters of SW1 have had more than their fair share of tech blunders over the years, from accidentally uploading data about the nuclear subs to the failed NHS 'super computer.' And it seems that, for all the numerous headline-grabbing cock-ups, things are getting little better in the monolithic ministries which govern our lives. For now it transpires that nearly 5,000 laptops, mobile phones, memory sticks and external hard drives have gone missing over the past five years by ten government department departments, according to a series of parliamentary questions tabled by Lib Dem MP Sarah Olney.

Thousands of NHS managers earning more than MPs

Throughout the pandemic there have been frequent demands for more investment in the NHS. In October, Rishi Sunak was forced to announce further investment of almost £6 billion  to tackle England’s record NHS waiting list. Between 2010 and 2025, the health budget is expected to have increased by 42 per cent; with NHS England’s resource budget set to rise to £162.6 billion over that period. But is all that money being spent wisely? For new figures from the Department of Health show that, while the public is crying out for frontline services, the number of well-paid NHS managers now run into the thousands.

Big beasts build their war chests

Authority forgets a dying king. And with all of Boris Johnson's current woes, it's no surprise to read reports of would-be successors already on maneuvers. While few Tories think a leadership challenge is imminent, it's no surprise that members of the Cabinet have been building up war chests that could come in handy were one to arise. For Mr Steerpike has been combing the Commons anti-sleaze registers to see which 'big beasts' of Johnson's government have drummed up the biggest sums from wealthy donors since the beginning of the year. Top of the pile is the great survivor Michael Gove, who heads the list with an impressive £167,000 worth of donations since January.

Tories split on Lord Frost’s exit

Gosh. It seems like it was only yesterday Mr S was in the Manchester conference hall hearing Lord Frost telling attendees how he planned to make Brexit a success. Just ten days ago he enraptured the Adam Smith Institute with his small-state calls for a 'bit less social distancing and a bit more socialist distancing.' Now he's gone, the first major Cabinet resignation since Boris Johnson cleared out Theresa May's team in July 2019. How has the bombshell – revealed earlier by the Mail on Sunday – gone down in a Tory party still seething from Thursday's North Shropshire by-election defeat? Early indications are of shock and dismay from across the party.

Osborne’s wallpaper firm blames Brexit

George Osborne hasn't been shy to take the occasional pop at Boris Johnson's government and now the reason why seems clear. His family firm Osborne & Little's annual accounts up until 31 March have just been published and they don't make for entirely happy reading. The leading wallpaper manufacturer has been forced to report a pre-tax loss of £106,000, down from last year's profit of £1.4 million, with Brexit cited as having an 'immediate adverse effect on profits.'  Boris Johnson's successful efforts to take the UK out of the EU on 1 January 2021 caused the company 'unforeseen costs' amounting to an extra £400,000, thanks in part to increased shipping charges and higher duties on goods.

SNP Hate-Finder General declares war on refs

Ping! An email in Steerpike's inbox lands, subject line: 'SNP's attack on refs.' Is this, at last, a moment of nationalist self-reflection? Have the 45 per cent-ers finally clocked most Scots don't want another plebiscite? Could some SNP drone finally have switched off the autopilot to question the wisdom of a neverendum? Sadly for Scotland, the answer to all these questions is: no. For it seems that James Dornan, the hard-of-thinking MSP who frequently features in Steerpike's pages, is once again up to his usual tricks.

Did Number 10’s party-prober attend his own parties?

Oh dear. Ever since Boris Johnson announced that Simon Case would lead a probe into last year’s Whitehall Christmas parties, lobby journalists have repeatedly asked questions as to whether the Cabinet Secretary himself was in attendance at any of the lockdown-breaking shindigs. And now it appears that Case was at least aware of parties being held by Cabinet Office staff in December 2020 if not actively in attendance himself. For this afternoon brought not one, not two but three separate reports that the Cabinet Secretary was somewhat compromised to investigate this matter. First Guido Fawkes reported several incidents of drinking in Case's office – including 'copious booze and music' at a party on 17 December, one day before the infamous Downing Street one.