Steerpike

Earlier this month, the Rother Valley Labour party made its pick for the next election, selecting Dominic Beck as its candidate for the Tory-held seat. Who he, you might ask? Well thanks to the work of GB News' documentary-maker Charlie Peters, we now know. Beck is a local politician who has served on Rotherham Metropolitan Borough Council (RMBC) since May 2011. In August 2014, Professor Alexis Jay published her report which found that at least 1,400 children were subjected to appalling sexual exploitation in Rotherham between 1997 and 2013. The RMBC cabinet resigned: Beck was appointed in the subsequent reshuffle with responsibility for business growth and regeneration in September 2014.

To 2 Lord North Street, SW1, home of the Institute of Economic Affairs. Once it was the likes of Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng that were feted here, but last night there was a new queen in town. Penny Mordaunt, the leader of the House, swept in with all her magnificent curls, to be the star turn at this year's IEA Christmas shindig. To much applause from her 'pen pals' in the audience, Mordaunt regaled the crowd with a parody of It's a Wonderful Life. In the world envisaged by Mordaunt, Ed Miliband won the 2015 election to be succeeded by prime minister Corbyn and all the horrors that would have entailed. In such a parallel world, 'levelling up' is merely the name of a nightclub in Camden and Boris is still mayor of London, arming the capital with water cannons aplenty.

Is that it? For months now much ink has been spilled about the 'explosive' revelations promised in Harry and Meghan's multi-million pound Netflix bonanza, a 'tell all' sensationalist documentary replete with truth bombs to tear the curtain back on the whole squalid royal cabal. And yet, having digested all three soporific hours of the first edition this morning, Mr S was left rubbing his eyelids and wondering what all the fuss was really about. Of course, there was innuendo aplenty; the ritual breast-beating and eyes watering. There was the full English of Hollywood tricks: dramatic music, sympathetic lighting, dramatic cuts and a smorgasbord of stylistic shenanigans.

Speaking at last year's Tory conference, Liz Truss mocked those 'portents of doom', the 'people who say that it is inevitable that because of Covid we are going to have a permanently bigger state.' But despite the insistence of Truss, Jacob Rees-Mogg and others, all signs suggest that an enlarged Whitehall will in fact be the pandemic's legacy. A series of parliamentary questions by Philip Davies MP – no fan of big government himself – reveal that the total departmental headcount of eleven different ministries has risen by more than 15 per cent during the past two years. The total number of civil servants employed has risen from just over 206,000 in February 2020 to more than 238,000 at the last count in November 2022.

Farewell and thanks for the mammaries, Michelle Mone. The lingerie tycoon has today announced that she will be seeking a leave of absence from the House of Lords with immediate effect. It means she will not attend sittings of the House, vote on any proceedings nor be able to claim any allowance. At 51, she ought to have years of such joys ahead of her – but fate, and the Guardian newspaper, intervened. According to a spokesman: With immediate effect, Baroness Mone will be taking a leave of absence from the House of Lords in order to clear her name of the allegations that have been unjustly levelled against her.

Quick, nurse, pass the sick bag! The wokest couple in all the West is at it again. Harry and Meghan have today released another trailer ahead of their Netflix series, before its release on Thursday. The streaming giant is keen to recuperate the many millions it spent on hiring the dilettante duo back in the heady days of the pandemic, with the Sussexes now required to sing for their proverbial supper in the upcoming tell-all documentary. The trailer for this 'global event' bears all the hallmarks of Harry and Meghan's 'brand': slick shots, moody music, tear-stained cheeks and Hollywood jargon more hackneyed than a Hallmark movie. In one glorious snippet, Harry – that embodiment of English aristocracy – bemoans how 'there's a hierarchy of the family'. In the royals? Who knew!

Oh dear. It seems that the curse of Izzard has struck again. The stand-up comedian and staunch Labour member has something of an unenviable track record when it comes to personal endorsements, having backed the euro, Ken Livingstone in 2008, Gordon Brown in 2010, 'Yes2AV' in 2011, Ed Miliband and then Andy Burnham in 2015, before subsequently advocating Remain in 2016 and then suffering personal defeat in that year's Labour NEC elections. Undaunted by this litany of failure, Izzard opted in October to stand as the party's candidate for the safe seat of Sheffield Central. Much hand-wringing followed, with Sir Keir Starmer refusing to say if Izzard, who identifies as genderfluid, would be eligible for an all-women shortlist.

Tory politicians are dropping like flies at the moment – with former cabinet minister Sajid Javid the latest in a growing line of MPs to announce that he won’t be standing for office at the next general election. So perhaps it’s not surprising that Tory ministers are currently looking for silver linings wherever they can find them. Mr S wonders if that’s why schools minister Nick Gibb was so happy to see Labour Shadow Chancellor Rachel Reeves at the National Teaching Awards last Saturday. According to Mr S’s mole at the event, Gibb wandered over to Reeves, who was chatting with a group of head teachers, and began to boast about all the great work the Conservatives had done for the school she went to growing up in Bromley.

Who'd want to work in parliament eh? The roof is leaking and the toilets don't work, the floor is damaged and the masonry is collapse. Now, Mr S brings news of yet more bad tidings afflicting the House of Commons. It seems the place is stuffed full of vermin – talk about a perfect state-of-the nation parable. Westminster City Council's most recent health inspection – conducted just last month – scored parliament just two out of a possible five on the National Food Hygiene Rating Scheme to show how well food businesses are complying with food law. The subsequent report, obtained under Freedom of Information laws, makes for grim reading.

Since her (first) appointment to the Home Office, Suella Braverman has been at pains to point out that she is no fan of the left. The Fareham MP spent her final day in office under Liz Truss railing against the 'Guardian-reading, tofu-eating wokerati' in parliament, shortly before departing and returning less than a week later under Rishi Sunak. For their part, the Guardian have returned the love, running a string of critical stories of the Home Secretary since her return. But is there now a thawing in relations between the newspaper and the minister? For just weeks after decrying the Graun in the House, Braverman's department signed a £30,000, one-year contract for the press and private office's hard copy newspaper requirements, which of course included daily delivery of...