Philip Patrick

The Tokyo metropolitan government has announced that it will soon be in the online matchmaking business. It is launching a dating app, which will hopefully appear in the summer, its latest attempt to get people to do their duty to the nation by finding a partner, getting married and procreating ASAP. The rules of the app will be a bit stricter than most commercial equivalents – you will be required to submit documentation establishing you are single and sign a pledge stating that you are willing to get married. It’s not Tinder. You’ll also need to attend an interview and provide a tax slip to indicate your salary.

‘There are two things that I can simply not tolerate: feminists and margarine’.  This is a quote from the novel Butter by Japanese writer Asako Yuzuki, which was published in translation last month to great acclaim. It’s billed as ‘a novel of food and murder’, inspired by the true story of a gourmet chef/serial killer and the journalist intent on cracking her case. It sounds gruesome but has plenty of descriptions of ‘scrumptious food’ apparently. I’m tempted to give it a go. What is it about these oriental offerings that has bookworms so enthralled? As are many others it seems. Butter is just the latest in a string of Japanese novels claiming prime display space in UK bookshops.

The European football governing body Uefa has informed competing nations at this summer’s Euros that only team captains will be allowed to approach referees to dispute decisions. It is hoped this will reduce the amount of pressure placed on referees and allow for smoother and more orderly officiating. So, two’s company but three or more will be deemed an unlawful assembly and could result in yellow or even red cards. It’s a bold move, but is it necessary and will it work? The already crucifying difficulty of refereeing is not helped by having a throng of excitable prima donnas ready to encircle you at any moment  The idea comes from IFAB (the International Football Association Board) who describe themselves as the ‘guardians of football’s laws and regulations’.

A high-ranking member of the yakuza (Japanese mafia) has been arrested in Tokyo for selling stolen Pokemon cards. Keita Saito was taken into custody in April after the theft of goods worth 1,600 dollars, which included a stack of the popular ‘Pocket Monster’ trading cards. What a comedown for the once fearsome lords of the underworld whose domains included extortion, prostitution, loan sharking, and illegal gambling. It's as if Don Corleone had been reduced to running the shell game ('watch the ball, which cup is it under?') on some New York back street.

Is time running out for the oldest knock-out tournament of them all? The FA cup‘s obituary has been written a few times in recent years but the much-loved competition has somehow survived. But, with the latest downgrade imposed by the game’s authorities, its status as a major footballing competition and treasured cultural artefact could be in real jeopardy. From next year, in response to the latest engorgement of the Champion’s League and the calendar war between Uefa and Fifa and the domestic leagues, the FA has announced that not only will there be no replays, but that the final, the traditional culmination of the football season and, once, a truly national event, will be rescheduled, yanked forward to allow a longer summer break.

All good things must come to an end, and that surely now ought to include the footballing career of Cristiano Ronaldo, who disgraced himself again on Monday after being sent off for appearing to stamp on and elbow an opponent in his team Al-Nassr’s Saudi Super Cup defeat by Al-Hilal. He then seemed to come close to hitting the referee. This debacle comes hard on the heels of him making an obscene gesture to fans after a game in February. Yes, he’s still scoring goals, at a low level of football, but as a global sporting icon, he’s in danger of becoming an embarrassment.

Liverpool fans, a significant number at least, booed the national anthem at the Carabao Cup final at Wembley yesterday. It wasn’t the first time this has happened – it’s been going on since the 1980s – but it was the first time since the monarch was diagnosed with cancer. This added a certain poignancy to the ‘save’ bit of the anthem, and might have been expected to persuade the Liverpool boo-boys to take the afternoon off. But no. The usual explanation for this ongoing practice is lingering resentment at how Liverpool was affected by the Thatcher government’s monetarist policies of the 1980s (parts of the city reported 30 to 50 per cent unemployment) and how it has been treated after.

So, farewell then Jurgen Klopp. What memories you will leave us. You were exuberant, passionate and unorthodox. You ran up and down the touchline, gesticulating manically. You had a nice, albeit cosmetically enhanced, smile. You could be charming and witty. You won. seven trophies in nine years for Liverpool, most significantly the Premier League title that ended an excruciating generation long wait and a sixth Champion’s League. Your place in the Pantheon is assured and things will be duller without you. But is your leaving really a ‘disaster’? From the press reaction it would appear that your tenure at Anfield was an unbroken period of glory and joy the imminent cessation of which has precipitated something akin to mourning and existential angst.

‘They are a national disgrace.’ That was the response of a Japanese friend when I asked for her opinion on Fujitsu, the Japanese company at the heart of the recent UK Post Office IT scandal. But her answer was not in any way coloured by the company’s involvement in the affair (they supplied the dodgy software), of which she knew absolutely nothing. But then why should she? There has not been a single news item in the Japanese media. And ITVx is not yet available in Asia. The Japan Times, for example, found space yesterday for a piece on the ‘world’s oldest pyramid’ in Indonesia (which may in fact not be) and a piece on the viability of the Panama Canal.