Mark Wood

‘CDs? You’re so old-fashioned, Dad.’

From our US edition

‘CDs? You’re so old-fashioned, Dad.’

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‘I’ve had to get rid of the naughty and nice lists, it was affecting mental health.’

‘Oh, I don’t go to every house any more.’

‘It’s very modern. There’s a different takeaway driver behind every door.’

I may have been asleep for 100 years, but my deep sleep was only 21 per cent

Wanting to be a real boy was one thing – now he talks of wanting to be a real man

‘The former Duke of York was marched to the top of the hill and left there.’

I’ve had to learn how to throw it myself

Thank God, that’s the Christmas shopping finished

The uncontrolled numbers coming in does concern me

Halloween Christmas

Do you have any “Sorry I misgendered you” cards?