Cockburn

Cockburn

Mischief, mayhem and Washington gossip. Send tips and party invites to cockburn@thespectator.com.

Tuesday

Cockburn

Is Papa John’s no longer God’s pizza?

Cockburn saw Papa John last week at CPAC — and he had some strong words about his old stomping grounds. John Schnatter, founder of Papa John’s Pizza, was ousted from his company in 2018 after saying the N-word on a conference call. Cockburn thinks he had it coming. Schnatter, who ate 800 pizzas from the chain over the last eighteen months, claims the company is now “down with Little Caesar’s,” among the gravest insults you can level in the pizza business. The Pizza Papa made it clear that he knows why the company is losing its way: "We built the whole company on conservative values. Conservative ideology has two of the most critical attributes: truth and God." Without truth and God, he said, the pizza had gotten worse.

papa john
Cockburn

Liz Cheney is no Obi-Wan Kenobi

Cockburn was finishing a bottle of brandy the other day when he nearly spat out his drink. A columnist from the Washington Post, Jonathan Capehart, compared Liz Cheney to Obi-Wan Kenobi. Capehart said on PBS: I keep thinking about the scene in Star Wars: Episode IV, when...Obi-Wan says to Darth Vader, "If you strike me down, I will come back more powerful than you can imagine." And to me, Liz Cheney is Obi-Wan Kenobi. If she loses...she could very well come back more powerful than Donald Trump has imagined. After laughing hysterically for the better part of four hours, Cockburn decided to weigh Capehart's point. Unfortunately he was forced to conclude that Liz Cheney is nothing like Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here's why.

Saturday

Cockburn

Cockburn does Dallas

Dallas, Texas Howdy from the Lone Star State, where Cockburn is braving 100-degree heat, overpriced IPAs and America First applause lines to bring you coverage of CPAC Texas. The conservative conference has come to the Hilton Anatole in Dallas for the second year — and is once again headlined by former president Donald Trump, set to speak this evening. Appropriately, the hotel’s two bars are called “Media” and “Gossip,” as if they’d been purpose-built for your intrepid correspondent. Cockburn managed to finagle his way into the $375-a-head Cattleman’s Ball for free on Friday night, where he sat at a table with a cadre of fellow hacks, chief among them John Fredericks, the “Godzilla of Truth.

sean hannity cpac texas dallas

Thursday

Cockburn

Is Jon Stewart trying to be the head of the Democratic Party?

Jon Stewart has been a pretty busy guy lately. Not only is he hosting a new show-cum-podcast, The Problem with Jon Stewart, but he’s also been spending a good chunk of time in Cockburn’s hometown, Washington DC. Stewart has been making the waves while campaigning for HR. 3967, otherwise known as the Honoring our PACT Act of 2022, as he bashed Ted Cruz for initially not supporting it. His on-the-ground activism in DC garnered media attention this week after he held a press conference with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senators Kirsten Gillibrand and Jon Tester. Stewart made a passionate plea that would make Matthew McConaughey proud. The TV host also found himself embroiled in a spat with conservative firebrands Jack Posobiec and Raheem Kassam.

jon stewart
Cockburn

Democrat judge mysteriously takes over Paul Pelosi arraignment

While Paul Pelosi, husband of Nancy Pelosi, was supposed to be arraigned on Wednesday (only his lawyer showed up), Cockburn learned something suspicious about his recent car crash. Court documents reveal that Pelosi had been in the crash “while under the influence of an alcoholic beverage and a drug and under their combined influence.” What could that drug possibly be? Cockburn wouldn't know: he's a committed drinker but plays it safe with the harder stuff. Amanda Bevins, Pelosi’s attorney, told Fox News Digital that she believed “the drug reference is part of the statutory boilerplate language in the complaint.” Either way, as it stands right now, Paul Pelosi not only failed to appear for the trial, but his attorney put in a not guilty plea.

Wednesday

Cockburn

Prince Harry’s ‘toxic’ mental health startup tied to royal ventures

For a man that supposedly wanted to cut his connections with the Big Bad Royal Family, Prince Harry still appears to be reaping the rewards of his blue-blooded lineage. Last week, Cockburn discovered that BetterUp, the mental health company that named the Duke of Sussex as its “chief impact officer” in 2021, has been branded by people purporting to be former employees as a “psychologically unsafe place to work” on Glassdoor, a website where posters can review companies. Posts on the site allege that the leadership “lie, play games, test/watch/spy on employees” and say the company “a pretty nasty underbelly.” BetterUp did not respond to a request for comment regarding the claims.

betterup
alex jones
Cockburn

Revealed: Alex Jones’s emails accidentally sent to opposing lawyer

Cockburn has witnessed a lot of legal screw-ups in his day (and has been apart of several himself!), but revelations in the Alex Jones defamation trial have taken it to a new level. In a surprise twist while Alex Jones was on the stand, it was revealed that Jones's attorneys had accidentally sent the entire contents of the Infowars chief's phone to the Sandy Hook parents' attorney. A startled Alex Jones seemed taken aback when emails he claimed didn't exist appeared on a screen in front of the court room, with the Sandy Hook attorney asking, "You know what perjury is?" https://twitter.com/acyn/status/1554875445253812225?

Cockburn

Black Lives Matter’s $40,000 dog

Outspoken Black Lives Matter activist Shaun King has unleashed his Grassroots Law PAC campaign finance disbursements, and it appears he used $40,000 of donor money to buy a dog for his family. The financial disclosures reveal that the “PAC” paid Potrero Performance Dogs in California a total of $40,650 over the course of two months. The Washington Free Beacon reports that a few days after the second and final payment was made, “King welcomed a ‘new member of the King family’: an award-winning mastiff bred by Potrero named Marz.” (King’s Facebook post about the pup is now gone.

Tuesday

Cockburn

Nancy Pelosi’s husband to be arraigned

Paul Pelosi, husband of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, will be arraigned on Wednesday due to multiple charges of driving under the influence of alcohol and causing injury. Pelosi was involved in a car crash on May 28 where a Jeep hit his 2021 Porsche. Pelosi was then arrested for having a 0.08 percent blood alcohol content (another charge against him) and had his bail set at $5,000 (though that's pennies for the wealthy Pelosis). Mr. Pelosi was formally charged on June 23. Yet the Pelosi corruption doesn't end there. About a month later, Pelosi sold $4.1 million worth of Nvidia stocks at a loss on the same day the Senate passed a bill bailing out the semiconductor industry. Suspicious given that Paul's wife is one of the most powerful politicians in Congress.

paul krugman
Cockburn

The top five things Paul Krugman has gotten wrong

Every two years or so, the Spectator World issues a takedown of New York Times columnist and “expert” economist Paul Krugman, who has a notable history of being wrong about absolutely everything. Well, it seems it's that time of year again. The Australians are getting in on the Krugman-dunking game so why shouldn't we? Here’s Cockburn's authoritative ranking of Paul Krugman's Greatest Hits. Krugman denies the recession Fresh from his New York Times opinion piece titled “I Was Wrong About Inflation,” Paul Krugman decided it was time to be wrong about the recession. On Brian Stelter's CNN show Reliable Sources, Krugman said, “I think that what's happening now is that there's been a kind of a negativity bias in coverage.

Monday

Cockburn

Trump endorses Eric

Erics across Missouri and indeed this great nation of ours were delighted on Monday when Donald Trump endorsed them for Senate. In Missouri, two candidates, Eric Greitens and Eric Schmitt, have been duking it out for months in the Republican Senate primary. Both have courted Trump, both claim to be America First, and both accuse the other of being a RINO. After begging for some attention from The Donald, the Lion of America at last stepped forward with an endorsement: I trust the Great People of Missouri, on this one, to make up their own minds, much as they did when they gave me landslide victories in the 2016 and 2020 Elections, and I am therefore proud to announce that ERIC has my Complete and Total Endorsement!

rick santorum
Cockburn

Families are in, free trade is out at the ISI conference

Cockburn last weekend headed over to the Intercollegiate Studies Institute’s American Economic Forum. The speakers were on fire with ISI's particular brand of pro-working-class zeal, and Cockburn was lit at the VIP reception bar. Since Johnny Burtka took the helm at ISI, the right-leaning think tank has acquired a more socially conservative, economically protectionist flair, in line with Pat Buchanan, the founder of the magazine where Burtka used to work, the American Conservative. After dodging the Vice News journalists begging for an interview, Cockburn made his way over to a speech by former Trump administration trade representative Ambassador Robert Lighthizer.

Cockburn

Listening and learning at the Young Americans for Freedom conference

Last week, Young Americans for Freedom (YAF) hosted their National Conservative Student Conference with more than 350 attendees from all across America (and parts of Ireland). While Cockburn already mentioned this event in another article, it's worth expanding a bit on what was an interesting right-wing confab. The conference itself had a total of 29 speakers, ranging from Oliver North to Dr. Ben Carson to Zuby. It was held in the local JW Marriott hotel, and conducted via a tight, almost straitjacketing schedule. Staff were constantly hurrying people along to the next event, so much so that the attendees ended up with little free time.

Friday

Cockburn

Democrat flips the bird at the congressional baseball game

Cockburn watched in awe from the cheap seats at the Congressional Baseball Game last night as the Republicans swept the Democrats 10 to nil — hopefully a forecast for the midterms. Clutching his $12 Michelob Ultra, Cockburn was on the edge of his seat all night. One of the feats of athletic prowess was Democrat Representative Linda Sanchez’s lead-off walk in the sixth inning. Walks, for non-baseball fans, require almost zero work on behalf of the batter. When she took her base, she decided to throw decorum out the window as she flipped off the Republican dugout. After her no-work walk, a pinch runner came to take her place. The congresswoman didn’t have to swing or to run — pure Democrat athleticism! https://twitter.

Cockburn

Republicans crush Democrats at the congressional baseball game

Cockburn on Thursday headed over to Nationals Park in Washington to watch members of Congress play a friendly game of baseball. The friendly game soon turned into a brutal slaying when the Republican team beat the Democrats 10-0 in the seventh inning. The air was alight with excitement. Crowds bustled into the stadium, though not without some trouble. Outside the park was a small crowd of people wearing red — a protest that included a band with a very ecstatic tuba player. It turns out these people were from the Ikiya Collective, an activist “news” organization that focuses on protests, and were advertising for NowOrNever.earth, a climate activist group. Some particularly observant readers may ask what this had to do with baseball. Absolutely nothing, as it turned out.

Wednesday

Cockburn

New York City wants to rename monkeypox because racism

Color Cockburn shocked that the medical establishment is once again enforcing political correctness. The New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene recently issued a letter begging the World Health Organization to rename the highly contagious monkeypox virus. Why? They were concerned the word “monkeypox” was offensive to minorities. Cockburn — and Twitter for that matter — know this is a misalignment of priorities. Some names are purely innocent and playing PC police is not the job of the NYC Department of Health. Also why is it that New York authorities hear “monkeypox” and immediately think about black and brown people? Physician, heal thyself! And how far are we supposed to take this?

Tuesday

Cockburn

Mike Pence mouths his talking points

Former vice president Mike Pence spoke to a crowd of college students on Tuesday as part of the Young America’s Foundation National Conservative Student Conference, which Cockburn attended. Pence appeared alongside others, including Kirk Cameron, Ted Cruz, and Ben Carson. When Pence eventually came out, he received a standing ovation and cheers, as warmly welcomed as Cruz had been the night before. He then proceeded to lay out his “freedom agenda” which toed the line between caricature and pander. In a world of sharp wit and cutting remarks, Pence is more like a club. It was not that Pence’s speech was ineloquent, but rather that he trod on old ground that conservatives were already well acquainted with.

Monday

Cockburn

Where in the world is J.D. Vance?

Cockburn loves campaign gossip, and the latest gossipy article from the Daily Beast does little to inspire confidence in Ohio GOP Senate hopeful J.D. Vance. Last week, Vance made a speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Israel, which is pretty far from his home state in the Midwest. And apparently the fact that he wasn't campaigning in the Buckeye State has ticked off more than a few Ohioans. This isn’t the first of Vance’s abandonment issues. He’s been missing from Ohio speaking events and conferences, and even ghosted some of his donors according to the Beast’s source in the GOP. This comes a few days after the Beast posted about Vance’s finance issues, stating plainly in the very first line that “The J.D. Vance Campaign is broke.

hunter biden
Cockburn

Why wasn’t Hunter Biden prosecuted for illegally buying a gun?

This morning, Cockburn's eagle eye was drawn to an exclusive in the Washington Examiner, which reports that the Delaware police considered Hunter Biden a victim in the infamous gun-in-the-trash incident from 2018. That episode involved Hunter's sister-in-law Hallie, with whom he had a romantic relationship after his brother Beau died, throwing out a gun in a public trash can near a grocery store. Hunter then asked Hallie to go retrieve the gun. A source in the Delaware Police Department said, “He was technically a victim of a theft of a firearm. But in Delaware, we don't prosecute unless a victim is willing to pursue prosecution, so that incident was cleared out with no victim cooperation...which means the victim does not want prosecution.

Friday

Cockburn

Run, Josh Hawley, run!

Cockburn can't help but chuckle. Last night, the January 6 committee showed video of Senator Josh Hawley running from Capitol rioters, mere hours after he'd infamously given them the thumbs-up. Twitter, in its comedic wisdom, pounced all over the footage, and here's the best of of what one particularly resourceful user, @The_Mal_Gallery, came up with. https://twitter.com/The_Mal_Gallery/status/1550290085882564608?s=20&t=YlAB-XpczT1TiCzbDPmAOQ  https://twitter.com/The_Mal_Gallery/status/1550297459943002112 https://twitter.