Cockburn

Fancy a touch of wokeness on your lunch break? If you work in the United States Senate, you might be in luck. One of Cockburn's many Capitol Hill spies snapped a photo today that gave him quite the chuckle. The Senate cafeteria is hosting a "Latinx brunch" in celebration of "Hispanic & Latinx Heritage Month," which apparently runs from September 15 to October 15. [caption id="attachment_40221" align="aligncenter" width="768"] Senate cafeteria hosts ‘Latinx’ brunch (Photo credit: The Spectator)[/caption] The brunch, located in the Dirksen cafe, features classic Latin meats and dishes such as chorizo, fried plantains, Salvadoran beans and rice, and black beans. The menu also includes something called "Pirujo Frances", but a Google search didn't return a useful translation.

Cockburn is partial to a murder mystery, but in some cases it seems that the mainstream media are going out of their way to hide relevant facts. The Associated Press, for example, serves the important function of scribbling up neutral versions of smaller local stories and syndicating them nation- and worldwide. It's intriguing, therefore, that when the wire service reported on the trial of the Clark County public administrator Robert Telles allegedly killing a Las Vegas investigative journalist, they conveniently forgot to mention that he’s a Democrat. While Cockburn is sure that the AP made an honest mistake, like every yuppie he has found himself on his fair share of crime scenes. Getting a sense of things is generally pretty easy: Colonel Mustard with the dagger in the library.

Cockburn was glued to the television during the memorial and funeral services for Queen Elizabeth II — naturally. There were many highlights, but Donald Trump made sure to spotlight on one of the more unfortunate lowlights of the week’s events, surrounding our very own President Joe Biden. During the funeral service at Westminster Abbey, you see, Biden and First Lady Jill were seated “in the 14th row… only seven rows from the very back,” reports Business Insider. This led Trump to roast the Bidens on Truth Social, declaring that the less-than-stellar seating situation would have been different if he were still commander-in-chief: Indeed, Cockburn had trouble picking out the Bidens, who blended into a blur of the more than 500 other dignitaries in attendance.

More mischief this week from Ron DeSantis. The Florida governor along with his Texas counterpart Greg Abbott have been busing illegal immigrants to blue states that have declared themselves sanctuaries for migrants. Last night, DeSantis escalated this strategy by flying dozens of Venezuelans to the posh and isolated Massachusetts island of Martha's Vineyard, home to the Obamas. Now, the GOP guvs have kicked it up another notch. Cockburn hears that two buses of immigrants have arrived at the Naval Observatory in Washington, DC, home to Vice President Kamala Harris. The result has been a scene of chaos on the residence's lawn as migrants disembarked and journalists showed up to film the spectacle.

What could be more scandalous than one Hunter Biden laptop? How about... two Hunter Biden laptops? Andrew Rice, a contributing editor at New York magazine, floated the idea that the president's prodigal son may have lost more than one computer during a CNN interview on Monday: People close to him have propagated the idea that perhaps actually there’s a second laptop out there that it might actually trace back to, which goes back to the general point that Hunter Biden was capable of losing more than one laptop that potentially contained devastating information about himself in this time period in his life. To recap: Hunter abandoned his first laptop in a Delaware repair shop back in April 2019.

Cockburn has made it about halfway through the third rendition of the National Conservatism Conference and he's already identified some major winners and losers. Loser: Cockburn, whose room was not ready when he arrived drenched in sweat from the airport and thus was forced to change in a hotel lobby bathroom ahead of the conference's VIP welcome reception. Winner: Florida senator Marco Rubio, who made an actually decent joke about the Dallas Cowboys during his keynote address. Loser: New York magazine's Jonathan Chait, who was ratio'd on Twitter when he claimed Florida governor Ron DeSantis's speech was courting "anti-vaxxers" and has now been deemed an enemy of the NatCons. Technically, everyone at this year's conference is a winner.