Cockburn

What could be more scandalous than one Hunter Biden laptop? How about... two Hunter Biden laptops? Andrew Rice, a contributing editor at New York magazine, floated the idea that the president's prodigal son may have lost more than one computer during a CNN interview on Monday: People close to him have propagated the idea that perhaps actually there’s a second laptop out there that it might actually trace back to, which goes back to the general point that Hunter Biden was capable of losing more than one laptop that potentially contained devastating information about himself in this time period in his life. To recap: Hunter abandoned his first laptop in a Delaware repair shop back in April 2019.

Cockburn has made it about halfway through the third rendition of the National Conservatism Conference and he's already identified some major winners and losers. Loser: Cockburn, whose room was not ready when he arrived drenched in sweat from the airport and thus was forced to change in a hotel lobby bathroom ahead of the conference's VIP welcome reception. Winner: Florida senator Marco Rubio, who made an actually decent joke about the Dallas Cowboys during his keynote address. Loser: New York magazine's Jonathan Chait, who was ratio'd on Twitter when he claimed Florida governor Ron DeSantis's speech was courting "anti-vaxxers" and has now been deemed an enemy of the NatCons. Technically, everyone at this year's conference is a winner.

Kamala Harris fulfilled her duty as vice president by answering questions about Biden’s decision to cancel student loan debts on Monday. Ha. Just kidding. Did Cockburn get you? Once again, it seems that any meaningful words have escaped her. While Kamala and Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff (still the funniest title ever) made an appearance for the Artemis 1 launch in Florida on Monday — which, in true Democratic Party fashion, was later aborted — a Fox News reporter rightly asked her why the Biden administration hasn’t bothered to tell Americans where the money will come from for the loan cancellations.

It’s been less than a week since the trailer for Gutsy, Hillary and Chelsea Clinton’s new Apple TV+ docu-series, was released — and now the former FLOTUS is seeking other means of stealing the limelight. On Sunday, she told Finnish prime minister Sanna Marin to “keep dancing,” in what seemed to be a selfless act of support for a fellow #girlboss. Forgive Cockburn for his cynicism but he can’t help but wonder if Hillary wants to make this all about her, seeing as the leaked video of the Finnish PM drunkenly dancing with friends was published online, er, twelve days ago. In a Twitter post, the ex-presidential candidate wrote: As Ann Richards said, "Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.

Cockburn is no stranger to chaos, in fact, his career depends on it. But even he wasn't prepared for the clusterfuck that ensued during Florida’s primary elections this week. The last few years have been a testament to the fact that anything can happen in US politics, but Cockburn was shocked to hear that Laura Loomer, the conspiracy theorist who claimed that mass shootings in Parkland and Santa Fe were staged, lost to Dan Webster by a mere six points. Running in the Republican primary for Florida’s 11th congressional district, it seems that Loomer gained traction with the gerontocracy. But does the retirement community and Republican stronghold really know who they endorsed? I mean, Loomer makes Alex Jones look sane.