Bernie

‘Yes, I’m quite sure that Mary and Joseph did not wear “One Love” armbands.’

‘Sorry kids, we’ve had to cut out all treats this year.’

‘I’ll just test your blood pressure.’

‘Your call for unity got a mixed response.’

‘Thank heaven life can at last return to normal.’

‘And order something you won’t enjoy. It’s still too soon.’

‘Don’t throw it away woman, there’s a water shortage!’

Hosepipe ban lifted

‘I bought baby her first booties!’

‘I’m terribly sorry, we’ve had to put a cap on numbers.’

‘Looks like Boris is flying again.’

‘Much longer in this go-slow protest and we’ll miss our cancelled flight.’

‘Next, an anonymous caller who asks: “Can I get monkeypox from groping two men?”’