Theresa may

Finally, we have a date: March 29th will see Theresa May trigger Article 50 and set the Brexit train in motion. After all the hype, what can we expect? The Sun says it hopes that the European Parliament will handle things better than its ‘muppet of a President’. Jean-Claude Juncker, who the paper says is a man who sees his bottle as ‘completely empty’ rather than half-full, has surpassed himself with his latest ‘belligerent Brexit ­outburst’, according to the paper. Juncker, who suggested that Britain’s Brexit punishment will put other countries off from jumping ship, clearly thinks he can use ‘fear’ to ‘whip millions of disenchanted voters across Europe into line’, says the Sun.

Brexit and Budget 'omNICshambles' are enough to keep any Prime Minister busy. But even with her bulging in-tray, the Prime Minister has still made time for a vital appointment: her photoshoot with US Vogue magazine. Theresa May is pictured relaxing at Chequers and is also photographed on a well-dressed stroll with her husband Philip. In the accompanying interview, May insists Donald Trump was just 'being a gentleman' when he held her hand during her US visit: 'We were about to walk down a ramp, and he said it might be a bit awkward'. After her last photoshoot in the Sunday Times sparked a row over the PM's decision to wear a pair of leather trousers costing £1,000, Mr S notes that the PM has tightened the purse strings this time around.

Theresa May's omnishambles of a week is showing no signs of improvement. As the Budget U-turn and expenses probe play out, many have been left asking: is this a government that is ready for Brexit? But fear not -- they have a plan. In fact, Theresa May has even had a website built so she can share her 'Plan for Britain' with the nation. Only there's a snag. The website isn't working. On the day of its launch, it's down as a result of technical issues. Visitors to the page are told that it 'isn't working' -- much like Theresa's government at the moment.

It's not turning out to be a great day for the government. After announcing a u-turn on the NICs rise in last week's Budget, Philip Hammond has spent the afternoon having to face down angry MPs in the Chamber. Now it turns out that a 'clerical error' has meant Michael Heseltine has been temporarily 'unsacked' from his post as a government advisor. After the government sacked the Tory grandee last week over his Lords rebellion on Article 50, many were surprised today to receive a letter from the Welsh Secretary declaring that he was counting on the 'expertise of Lord Heseltine' for the upcoming City Deal for the Swansea Bay City Region. Mr S has since been assured it's just a mistake -- rather than the second u-turn of the day. Don't worry Theresa, it's only two days until Friday...

In their frequent moments of self-congratulation, conservatives describe themselves as level-headed and practical people. If there were a scintilla of truth in the stories they tell themselves the government would not think of activating Article 50 this week. Unfortunately, for our country, actual conservatives and mythical conservatives have next to nothing in common. Unconstrained by a political opposition and egged on by a Tory press that makes Breitbart seem like a reputable news service, modern Tories resemble no one so much as the right-wing parody of left wingers: utopian, contemptuous of detail and convinced the world owes them a living. No practical government would invoke Article 50 this week, this month or any time before the end of the year.

You might argue that the self-employed enjoy less security than the employed, so it’s fair they contribute less; you might argue that the ‘sharing economy’ is a nifty pocket-money source for hard-pressed families, and that tax grabs will swiftly kill it. But revenue-starved Chancellor Hammond will retort that all income and commerce, however novel in form, must be taxed unless specifically exempted, otherwise government can’t make ends meet: tax should keep pace with changing patterns of life and technology. Thus Microsoft founder Bill Gates recently proposed that if robots are replacing humans in business, then companies operating robots should pay income tax on their behalf.

Guy Verhofstadt thinks Brexit is a 'disaster', a 'tragedy' and a 'catastrophe'. That verdict, from the European Parliament’s chief Brexit negotiator, won't surprise many. But Verhofstadt has a solution to what he sees as a looming crisis for despairing Remain voters. During his interview on the Today programme this morning, he brought up the prospect of British citizens being allowed to keep their EU benefits as part of a ‘special arrangement’. This isn’t the first time we’ve heard this pitch from Verhofstadt. Back in November, the Belgian touted the idea that Brits could pay a fee to retain free movement and a vote in EU elections. 'Many say 'we don't want to cut our links’, he told the Times.

Philip Hammond had, in his first few months of Chancellor, gained rather a reputation for being an ‘Eeyore’ about the consequences of Brexit. In the run-up to today’s Budget, it was briefed that he would be much more upbeat about things, while also storing up a ‘war chest’ to guard against any future shocks to the economy caused by Britain leaving the European Union. In the event he barely talked about it at all.  He told the Chamber that ‘as we start our negotiations to exit the European Union, this Budget takes forward our plan to prepare Britain for a brighter future’, and ’our task today is to take the next steps in preparing Britain for a global future’.