Royals

“Mr. Morgan,” said the faux-regal voice at the end of the line, “this is Earl Spencer. I’ve got you now, you bastard.” Suffice it to say, this call didn’t happen last week after the alleged “historian” was forced to publicly apologize for publishing a lie about me in his new book. (He accused me of being Mirror editor in 1993 when it published gym photos of Princess Diana in a notorious invasion of her privacy that cost £1 million in damages – but I didn’t join the Mirror until 1995.) However, the irony of what that call was about isn’t lost on me, 31 years later.

It isn’t long now until the joyous day that Harry and Meghan once more make Britain their home, but several aspects of their return are still clouded in mystery. We have no idea, for instance, where they are going to be living – although the Cotswolds have been mooted. Once they arrive there, there is also the rather vexed question as to whether their no doubt hugely expensive security is going to be privately funded or the taxpayer’s burden. Two former home secretaries have gone public to argue that there should be at least some level of taxpayer-funded protection for the Sussexes. This may not be a wildly popular perspective but can at least be justified on humanitarian grounds.

There’s been speculation for some time, mostly hushed, occasionally not, that the Epstein case has not yet run its course. The settlement reached in Virginia Giuffre’s lawsuit was just that: a settlement, not an exoneration, and certainly not the end of the matter. Questions still hang in the air about who else was involved, who turned a blind eye, and what more may yet come to light. Against that background, the decision to remove Prince Andrew’s remaining titles and honours, quietly but firmly, takes on a significance beyond court circular formalities. Whatever language is used to describe it, this was a final severing of public role from private person.

Royal welcomes The Duke and Duchess of Sussex visited Nigeria last week. When was the last genuine royal tour of that country? – The late Queen made a 20-day visit in 1956, four years before Nigeria’s independence. She went for three days in 2003 when she opened the Commonwealth Heads of Government meeting.– The then Prince Charles visited in 2018, when he joined a Peacebuilding and Interfaith Engagement, laid a wreath at the Commonwealth War Graves memorial in Abuja and attended a talk on poultry-rearing. Faith in politics A Liberal Democrat candidate in Sutton and Cheam has been deselected allegedly because of his Christian faith. How do religious groups tend to vote?

Media scrutiny of the Princess of Wales and her personal photoshopping of her Mothering Sunday photograph has been intense. One important set of players has escaped attention, however: the picture agencies. It was they – AP, Getty Images, AFP, Reuters, Shutterstock and PA – who issued a ‘mandatory photo kill’ of the image. They doubted what PA called its ‘veracity’. I hope it is not unduly cynical to point out that these agencies hate the fact that HRH distributes her own pictures (without charge). Her homemade pics take the bread out of the agencies’ mouths. Suppose other world figures get the DIY habit: what will become of the professionals then? Are the agencies trying to teach the Princess a lesson? Trinity College, Cambridge, houses de Laszlo’s portrait of A.J.

Driving up Royal Deeside last weekend, I spotted a harvest under way on that magical Hobbit-esque green/gold/purple hillscape. It all came flooding back. One year on from the death of Elizabeth II, it’s the sight of the tractors lined up next to the A93 which remains among the most enduring images. It wasn’t just that they all had their shovels dipped in tribute, like the dockers’ cranes saluting the Havengore as it carried Churchill down the Thames in 1965. It was the fact that they were all spotless. At the busiest time of the year in this lush agricultural belt of Aberdeenshire, farmers had paused their harvesting, taken their machines out of the fields and given them a very thorough hosing down before lining up for hours to salute the late Queen.

A lovely posh woman once told me that should things ever become too much in my life, there was a simple solution: “Just book yourself into a five-star hotel and forget about it. Works every time.” When Prince Harry arrived back in Britain last week to take on the British press in court, rumor has it that he did just that. Instead of spending the night at his previous home, Frogmore Cottage, or one of the many rooms at Buckingham Palace or Clarence House, he stayed at Soho House, the private members' club and hotel. It would not be surprising. Harry is accustomed to a luxurious life and some of these castles are getting far too shabby nowadays. There’s also the fact Meghan and Harry’s first ever date was at the Soho House on 76 Dean Street, London.

As the Princess of Wales draws plaudits for appearing at last night’s BAFTA awards in a subtly reused Alexander McQueen dress, and the Duke and Duchess of Sussex continue to keep the world guessing as to whether they will appear at the Coronation in less than three months, the younger members of the Royal Family are the ones who seem to have momentum behind them. Yet Prince Andrew is not to be outdone – even if the attention that he receives may not always be welcome. Not only was it recently announced that he would – flatteringly – be played by Rufus Sewell in a forthcoming dramatisation of his notorious 2019 Newsnight interview, but it has been suggested that he will lose his £249,000 annual allowance as from April.

The news that his security experts are conducting an urgent review of the King’s safety during his expected traditional Christmas Day walkabout near his Norfolk home, Sandringham – where he will be accompanied by his wife – is sad but scarcely surprising. Already in his short reign there have been two disturbing incidents: eggs were thrown at Charles during royal visits to York and Lincoln. Fortunately, the perpetrators missed both times. But, given the tendency for copycat behaviour among the more moronic of the monarch’s subjects, the danger that an egg thrower may score a hit next time is obviously high.