Prince harry

I’m just going to say it: I’m Team William. In that scrap that Prince Harry says happened at Nottingham Cottage, where Prince William allegedly lost his rag and pushed Harry to the floor, I’m cheering Will. Everyone who has a brother — I have five — knows they sometimes need a clip round the lughole. And I trust Will made the right decision when he physically reprimanded his little bro. There are many reasons I’m in the Cambridge camp. The Sussexes are just saps, aren’t they? I’m far more shocked that Harry called his therapist after William allegedly attacked him than I am by the incident itself. After having an altercation with his brother? Harry really went from killing radical Islamists in Afghanistan to phoning his life coach because his brother broke his necklace?

And you thought we'd seen the last of them in 2022. The new year kicks off with some old score-settling: for next week will see the publication of Prince Harry's pithily-titled memoir Spare (or Going Spare, quips one royal insider). As the title suggests, the book is expected to focus on the fraternal frictions between the runaway royal and his brother William. Other topics covered include Harry's hatred of the press (quelle surprise) and his reflections on Diana's death. And, in a delicious irony, Harry will be forced to give multiple media interviews to promote the book. Sadly, he has ducked the chance for a no-holds-barred, sit-down grilling with one of Britain's popular papers like the Sun or the Mail on Sunday.

‘Calling someone crazy or hysterical completely dismisses their experience,’ says Meghan Markle in her strangely throaty professional podcast voice. ‘It minimises what they’re feeling. And you know it doesn’t stop there. It keeps going to the point where anyone who has been labelled it enough times can be gaslit into thinking that they’re actually unwell. Or sometimes worse to the point where real issues of all kinds get ignored. Well that’s not happening today.’ Cue the intro music – ‘I am woman, I am fearless, I am sexy’ etc. – to the latest episode of Archetypes, the Duchess of Sussex’s Spotify series. ‘I feel pretty strongly about this word crazy,’ says Meghan. She does.

'Privacy' was the reason given for Harry and Meghan upping sticks and leaving Britain in early 2020. The dilettante duke and his Hollywood beau were supposedly fleeing this sceptred isle to find sanctuary in Canada, away from the beastly British press. So it's such an awful shame that the right-on royals keep finding themselves embroiled in endless public spats of their own making in their new-found home in America. A persistent theme in these spats appears to be Prince Harry's barely-concealed contempt for the American system of government, which makes it all the more baffling as to why he chose to live there. Seemingly unaware of the monarchy's role in the very creation of that country, Harry first criticised the First Amendment which guarantees free speech as 'bonkers.

Steerpike is fond of a periodical check-in with modern Renaissance men. And they don’t come much more multi-talented than Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, Mr. Meghan Markle, formerly HRH. Following his departure from official royal duties, the people’s prince has kept busy by locking himself into lucrative positions at some of the planet’s most prestigious companies. His multiple deals — Netflix and Spotify to name two — were not uncommon for an up-and-coming sleb, but the most bizarre of his roles was joining the ‘mental fitness’ start-up BetterUp as ‘chief impact officer.’ Oh, how we smirked, with the occasional eye roll, firm in the belief that he’d be back in Britain soon enough, grovelling to granny for his lovely old life back.

Washington, DC Prince Harry is once again mouthing off about American politics despite a rudimentary understanding – at best – of our founding principles. The pampered Brit delivered a speech at the United Nations on Monday insisting that we are witnessing a 'rolling back of constitutional rights here in the United States'. Prince Harry, who only lives here because his wife dreams of doing animated voiceovers for Netflix, routinely opines on our constitution with all of the British pomposity that led to the Revolutionary War. Newsflash: Americans do not like it when foreigners tell us what to do or how we should feel, and yet Prince Harry (do I even have to use his title anymore?) is too arrogant and lacking in self-awareness to sit down and shut up.

Well 2021 is at an end and what a hell of a year it's been. There were laughs, tears, shock, disgust and despair – and that was just the reaction to footage of Matt Hancock's video nasty. The past twelve months have seen various ups and downs in Britain and abroad, ranging from the highlights of the vaccine rollout and England's Euro run to low points like the Capitol coup, the Afghanistan debacle and various pandemic pitfalls. And Mr S has been there throughout it all to chart the gossip, drama, high politics and low shenanigans. Tony Benn once sniffed that it was 'issues, not personalities' that mattered; Steerpike holds that the inverse is true when looking back at the events of 2021.

Democracy is in crisis, faith in institutions is at an all-time low. The public's trust in our leaders has collapsed; cynicism is all around. Which pillar of integrity can save us from the morass and rescue our crumbling polity? Step forward erstwhile aristo Prince Harry, the hereditary hedonist reborn as a fearless fighter of fake news. Since joining the beautiful people in LA eighteen months ago, the exiled royal has gone round collecting pseudo-jobs like a less employable George Osborne. Eco-warrior, occasional podcaster, ethical banker and interminable speech-giver: there are many hats now worn by the dilettante Duke.

Just when you thought Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s collective victim complex couldn’t get any more vast and cavernous, up they pop again to make clear, in pained tones, just how persecuted this multimillionaire formerly royal couple believe themselves to be. We already knew that their allies think ‘Megxit’ was all about racism. That their departure from the monarchy, freeing them up to cut lucrative deals in the United States, was forced by their supposedly racist treatment by the tabloids. Now we learn it was also all about misogyny, and that the term ‘Megxit’ is itself shot through with hatred for the Duchess of Sussex.

In Glasgow the green games are well underway, with a roll call of world leaders reading from the COPacabana hymn sheet to a genuflecting press corps. British premier Boris Johnson claims it's 'one minute to midnight,' Prince Charles believes 'time has literally run out' while UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres argues 'we are digging our own graves.' Cheery stuff.  And where there's media, there's celebrity too, with every camera-loving eco-warrior quick to jet in. Jeff Bezos eulogised about his, er, rocket trip to space with star turns also provided by yacht-loving Leonardo Di Caprio and the New York-residing SNP supporter Brian Cox. Angry adolescent Greta Thunberg meanwhile had to make do with an unwashed mob outside.