Grade: D
A Montreal band led by a Ukrainian/Canadian called Ivan Doruschuk, with a histrionic baritone, famous solely for having had the most ludicrous hit of that ludicrous decade, the 1980s, with ‘Safety Dance’. Perhaps more famous still was the hilarious video that accompanied the song: Mr Doruschuck in medieval gear cavorting in fields with peasants, throttling a dwarf and entrancing a very pretty blonde woman who looked well up for it. Status Quo, bizarrely, covered ‘Safety Dance’, but the band had no more hits. Why on earth are they still going? Who gave them the advance for a new album? And is it any good?
No, of course not. It’s portentous synth pop-by-numbers, with the kind of execrable lyrics you got back then. So the opener ‘I Love The Eighties’ borrows the band’s only real tune – the aforementioned ‘Safety Dance’ – and appends to it the words: ‘I remember so much fun/ Back in 1981/ Ain’t no place I’d rather be/ Except for 1983.’
Meanwhile, ‘If You Try’ has a kind of OMD riff which turns into a ghastly anthem, and ‘Run Away’ is only the latest forlorn attempt to wrench a hit out of Pachelbel’s Canon. On this, they sound like Yazoo fronted by a High Court judge who has English as a second language. They then mangle Lennon’s ‘Jealous Guy’, but I don’t mind that because I can’t stand the song. Lennon being drippy is far worse than McCartney being drippy, even if he did it less often.
And that blonde girl? She is now a senior executive with Time magazine. She moved on, Ivan. Take the hint.
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