I have been scouring the internet for a Christmas bauble for my mother-in-law. I have fond memories of the blown glass baubles of my childhood – the little wooden cabin in the trees, covered in powdery snow; the half papaya, its orange cocoon concealing bright purple seeds inside. Last year I bought myself a glass bauble of Big Ben which, though perhaps not traditional, is still charming. We have a red post box too, which occasionally disappears and turns up in my son’s Lego set.
This year, though, I ventured to Etsy for a bauble and was shocked by what I found. The first one that caught my eye was a cartoon-like depiction of the nativity, with a speech bubble pointing to the babe in the manger and saying: ‘Spoilers: he dies.’ I did not laugh at this, though I was clearly meant to. I found it not only distasteful but utterly irreverent, and not in a fun way. (Besides, surely the better spoiler is that Jesus comes back from the dead?)
During my search for a straightforward and charming nativity bauble, which is surprisingly hard to find, I discovered many other Etsy offerings celebrating the birth of Christ: ‘Go Jesus, it’s your birthday’, for example; and another one of Jesus with a party hat on and a birthday cake which states: ‘All the cool people are born in December.’ Possibly the most annoying of the baubles I came across is the one with an image of Jesus in shades, with two thumbs up saying: ‘6, 7.’ For anyone who doesn’t know, the phrase ‘6, 7’ has spread like a plague through classrooms across the world and has been the bane of teachers’ lives this year. Primary students have taken to shouting out this call-and-response phrase, which their peers then repeat over and over, sending the class into hysterics and leaving the teachers baffled and powerless. I don’t know where this tedious ritual came from, but it was probably TikTok. Now not even Jesus is immune to it.
I hate to say it, but I suspect these snarky baubles are particularly prevalent among the British, whose long-held aversion to sentimentality jars with the earnest spirit of Christmas. To test my thesis, I visited the American version of Etsy. I was right. While there are plenty of silly baubles (including a pickle-shaped one with Nicolas Cage’s face on it called ‘Picolas Cage’) ironic Jesus baubles are nowhere to be found. Instead, the nativity-themed decorations all depict straightforward images of the baby Jesus where he belongs, in the manger beneath the star, Mary and Joseph beside him. Some are garish and poorly done, but the sentiment behind them is sincere.
The long-held aversion to sentimentality among the British jars with the earnest spirit of Christmas
The British find Americans overly sentimental, and often mock them for it. This was the biggest culture shock when I first came to the UK from Montana nearly 18 years ago. I quickly learned that there was no taste for my earnestness. The British also cannot tolerate public declarations of emotion. Even at a wedding, there is an expectation that the speeches will be somewhat tongue-in-cheek and self-deprecating. Perhaps it is not surprising, then, that Christmas decorations are prone to the same treatment.
When I was growing up I attended a Catholic school in Montana, and every December the priest and nuns used to put up a sign on the lawn in front of the school that said: ‘Keep Christ in Christmas.’ I remember feeling slightly embarrassed by it, but nonetheless moved by the image of Mary with the baby Jesus. More than 20 years later, I still remember it. Maybe years from now I’ll remember too the Christmas bauble on Etsy that says ‘Spoilers: he dies’ – but I doubt it. If there is any time to allow sentimentality, it’s Christmas.
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