For Britons, there could scarcely be worse news. The national drink – tea – and its usurper, coffee, is killing us. Probably. Because if you like your beverage very hot – above 65C – or if you drink six or more cups of the stuff daily, you may be increasing your chances of contracting oesophageal cancer.
A study by Oxford University found that people who had their drinks “very hot” had around a three times higher risk of the cancer than “warm” tea or coffee drinkers. The good news is that experts insist the overall chances of developing this cancer are low. But the bad news is that oesophageal cancer is one of those relatively common cancers with a low survival rates. (Just 15 per cent or so over five years).
How on earth could Lapsang Suchong, Earl Grey and Assam find themselves on the medical naughty step?
The findings are shocking. The next thing you know, they’ll discover that Morris Dancing causes testicular cancer, or that yoga gives you osteoporosis or that ‘wild’ swimming causes gluten intolerance.
How on earth could Lapsang Suchong, Earl Grey and Assam find themselves on the medical naughty step alongside cigarettes, booze, red meat, bacon and the real Grim Reaper of the kitchen, butter?
Tea was meant to be the one drink worth drinking that didn’t actually kill you. It’s full of antioxidants and other chemical goodies, and, what’s more, while you’re drinking it’s very hard to be doing something bad for you, like drinking booze or engaging in an extreme or dangerous sport, so it’s doubly beneficial. (In fact, you’re normally sitting down so it’s really very safe indeed).
But now we discover that tea may be the silent tannin assassin, one which has presumably dispatched, very quietly, generations of Britons ever since tea became a staple in the 1700s. It’s a bit like finding out that Miss Marple is really the killer.
Jokes aside, tea and coffee are a serious business. Having just downed my fourth pretty hot mug of coffee of the day – which, by the way, followed two or was it three mugs of black tea and it’s not lunchtime yet – I’m beginning to wonder how long I have left?
Is it too late to change and start drinking cold tea? If I switch now, will I be okay or is the damage done? And anyway, how hot is 65C? How do I know? Should I buy a thermometer so I can see if my mug of tea or coffee is actually going to kill me?
These, presumably, are now pressing questions for all Britons, since don’t forget we consume around 200 million cups of tea and coffee daily. Has the medical establishment got a vendetta against being British? Pints of malty ale – the stuff that’s been helping us manage the human condition since sabre-toothed tigers abounded – are now so bad we can apparently only enjoy seven of them a week. The joys of treacle or sponge pudding and custard are beyond the pale. The nutritional bounty of roasted beef or a plateful of bacon smoked within an inch of its life served with black pudding and soggy fried bread… these should all be approached with the sort of caution that a matador reserves for a raging bull.
It’s a miracle anyone reached the age of 50 in the 19th or 20th century, let alone 60 or 70. Presumably Queen Victoria was a secret cold-tea imbibing, vegetarian who subsisted on granola, avocados, nuts and fruit and somehow kept it to herself.
One can only wonder which next British cultural stalwart will be exposed for its health perils. Perhaps we’ll discover that flat caps cause dementia, or that traffic jams make you go blind or that watching MasterChef increases your chances of becoming fat.
What we can expect for sure are new health warnings: on paper cups in coffee shops and in tea shops, not that many of them survive. Presumably they’ll put them on the sides of packets of teabags, along with graphic images of cancer sufferers just to ram home the hazards.
Your best bet now is to forget about your cup of tea for a while after you’ve made it and then give it a good hard blow before you dive in, just in case. Hot tea is not to be sniffed at, or swallowed.
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