Steerpike

Leaked diplomatic cables are a hoot, aren’t they? The Mail on Sunday’s big scoop shows that Britain’s man in Washington, Sir Kim Darroch, has been briefing his government about President Donald Trump in much the same way as the average American news pundit on TV on speaks to his or her audience. That is to say, he can’t stand the man in the Oval Office, and he makes his animosity pretty clear. ‘Inept’, ‘insecure’ and ‘uniquely dysfunctional’ — these quotes read like somebody who has just read Fire and Fury, Michael Wolff’s tell-all hitjob on the presidency, before sitting down to write.

White smoke emerged from the European Council in Brussels on Tuesday, as EU heads of state revealed their recommendations for the next European commission president, head of the ECB, president of the European council, and high representative for foreign affairs. The candidates, who included the German defence minister Ursula von der Leyen and IMF head Christine Lagarde, were selected behind closed doors after three days of intense negotiations, and will now need to be confirmed by the European Parliament. But if you were hoping that the EU had selected highly-competent former politicians and officials to lead the supranational body responsible for policies that affect millions, you would once again have been disappointed.

While the cat's away, the mice will play. Or, while the two leadership finalists take part in a hustings in Yorkshire and Humber, their supporters will find time to position themselves for jobs, plot and drink some Pol Roger. On Thursday evening, former Tory leadership candidates and cabinet ministers all descended on 22 Old Queen Street for this year's Spectator summer party, kindly sponsored by The Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors (RICS). The battle for the position of Chancellor was clearly underway in the Spectator office as two of the main contenders, Liz Truss and Matt Hancock, worked the room and charmed their Conservative colleagues.

It's hard to go anywhere in Westminster these days without spotting Jeremy Hunt. The Tory leadership contender is popping up in all places, posing for selfies on Twitter and sharing videos of himself out and about on the campaign trail. But while Hunt is doing a good job at stealing the limelight, the same hasn't always been true. On Hunt's Facebook page, there are plenty of pictures of him keeping busy in 2013, 2014 and 2015. And there are lots of pictures from 2017, 2018 and 2019 too. But when Mr S. looked for pictures from 2016, he was left disappointed: there were none on his Facebook page. So what explains the glaring gap in pictures from that year? Surely it has nothing to do with Hunt's support for remain in the referendum campaign?

Today was a big day for Nigel Farage's band of Brexit party MEPs. After 29 of the Brexiteers won their seats in the EU elections in May, they finally headed to Strasbourg today, to take their places in the European Parliament. But it appears that while the party may now be part of the European elite, they haven't quite signed up to the ideals of the European project in spirit. As the new batch of 751 MEPs were sworn in this morning to open the inaugural sitting of the European Parliament term, a stirring rendition of the EU's anthem, Ode to Joy, was played from the centre of the Chamber. And while there was the usual showing of solidarity, with MEPs standing to listen to the anthem, one party were not playing along.

It may not seem long ago that the Tory leadership candidate Matt Hancock was positioning himself as a key opponent of the frontrunner Boris Johnson, and saying 'f*** f*** business' in contrast to Johnson's alleged 'f*** business' remark. A key thing has changed since then though: with Johnson's victory looking increasingly likely, Conservative MPs have begun jockeying for the Cabinet positions that will soon be available in his next government. Which may explain why Hancock, after being booted out of the leadership contest, suddenly lined up behind his former opponent, and with his eye on the Chancellor position, became a key cheerleader for Johnson in the press.

Last night it was suggested that when Boris Johnson was Foreign Secretary, he was caught on camera by a BBC fly-on-the-wall documentary saying that the French were 'turds' for their intransigence during the Brexit negotiations. According to the Daily Mail the Foreign Office then allegedly lobbied the BBC to remove the offending line from the documentary when it aired last November. As shocking revelations go, being caught secretly insulting the French is probably not going to seriously harm Johnson's prospects with the Tory membership. Nonetheless, speculation has already turned to where the story came from. Johnson certainly fuelled the rumours today when he was asked about the incident during Tory leadership hustings.

Has the excitement of pitching to be the next leader of the Liberal Democrats gone to contender Ed Davey's head? Yesterday, the potential successor to Vince Cable was forced to apologise for his violent language, after he said a Remain alliance should 'decapitate' the 'blond head' of Boris Johnson in an opinion piece for the Times. The embarrassing U-turn appears not to have discouraged Davey though from his adventurous approach to winning the leadership contest. Taking part in a leadership debate on Victoria Derbyshire this morning, Davey revealed that he had been approached by MI6 at one point in his career: 'As a younger man I almost served our country in a different way. MI6 tried to recruit me to be a spy overseas.

Chris Williamson is back in the Labour party. The controversial Corbynite MP was suspended from Labour earlier this year following comments he made about anti-Semitism in the party. But now after an internal investigation, Williamson is once again a Labour MP. Williamson was slapped with a formal warning after he was filmed at a Sheffield Momentum event saying that Labour had been ‘too apologetic’ for anti-Semitism. But to the surprise of no one – not least Mr S – Williamson avoided getting the boot. It's safe to say the news is going down badly among MPs.

Boris Johnson has had a tricky time being quizzed by journalists over the past few days, as he's been grilled about his Brexit position, his negotiating stratgey, his late-night row with Carrie Symonds and his history of consuming (or not quite consuming) Class-A drugs. But it seems as if the former Foreign Secretary was floored by the simplest question of them all today. Appearing on TalkRadio this afternoon, Boris was simply asked by presenter Ross Kempsell what he did to relax? Johnson appeared to be stumped: 'I like to paint, or I make things... I have a thing where I make models of... I make  buses.' Kempsell asked the potential prime minister to clarify: did that mean he made models of buses? The former London of Mayor replied: 'I make models of buses...

There are few stranger relationships in Westminster than the close alliance of Boris Johnson and the campaigner, author, and self-described 'Chief Fanny defender' Nimco Ali. According to Ali, she first met Boris Johnson in Putney eight years ago when they bumped into each other on the high street, as she was campaigning about FGM. She asked him for a meeting and the rest, as they say, is history. The pair went on to take part in several anti-FGM campaigns and, as Ali put it: 'he and his team at City Hall went on to work with me over several years.' Johnson and Ali seem to have become particularly close since he officially declared that he was running to become the next leader of the Conservative party.

Britain has become rather used to hysterical prognostications about the threat of a no-deal Brexit from our MPs ever since we voted to Leave in 2016 – with some parliamentarians suggesting that supermarkets will be left empty and drug supplies will vanish if we don't get a deal or extension by October 31. But Labour's Rupa Huq set a new bar today on doom-laden predictions, when she suggested there could be a breakout of scurvy on Britain's streets if we left without a deal.