Steerpike

The COP26 summit in Glasgow reaches its climax today, as world leaders try and thrash out a deal to halt climate change. But as well as attempting to find agreement, politicians and other bigwigs are competing to outdo each other in their dire warnings of what might happen if nothing changes. Here are six of the most melodramatic claims to emerge so far from COP: Boris Johnson's 'doomsday clock': 'The doomsday device is real,' said Boris Johnson as he addressed COP26 delegates on the dangers of climate change. The PM said humanity's situation was comparable to a James Bond film where 'a red digital clock ticks down remorselessly to a destination that will end human life as we know it'.

Steerpike is no prude but even he has been surprised by some of the blue language from green activists at COP. Temperatures are running high outside the official conference zone, where angel-faced iconoclast Greta Thunberg has been leading protestors in a chorus of 'You can shove your climate crisis up your arse' and telling her devoted followers that it is now time for 'no more blah blah blah' and 'no more whatever the fuck they're doing in there.' All this a day after her performance on the Andrew Marr show when Thunberg told the veteran broadcaster she was 'pissed off' with world leaders. So what is behind the sudden transformation from unimpeachable schoolgirl to foul-mouthed teen? Surely the answer is the tried and tested formula of Disney Club star gone bad.

American network CNN appears to be bringing the same rigour and insight to COP26 that it displayed throughout the Trump administration. The broadcasters rocked up to the UN climate change summit in Scotland this weekend, brimming with their usual brio and bumptiousness at the chance to cover Biden, Boris et al rubbing shoulders. There's only one problem – their staff do not appear to know which city they are actually in. Celebrated CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer fired off a beaming photo of himself this morning, grinning in front of Edinburgh Castle with the caption 'I'm now reporting from Edinburgh in Scotland where 20,000 world leaders and delegates have gathered.

'COP26: no time for delay' scream the signs at Euston station. But for hundreds of desperate delegates yesterday it proved to be a cruel irony after dozens of rail services to Glasgow were cancelled thanks to a fallen tree and severe weather sparked rail chaos. Members of HM lobby took to their WhatsApp group to complain about the chaos, with Britain's hacks forced to engage in an undignified game of Planes, Trains and Automobiles to race across the country to reach the UN eco-jamboree. The i paper's Paul Waugh had his Glasgow-bound train turned back at Milton Keynes while Red Lion regular Eleanor Langford was one of many forced to board domestic flights, as Mr S predicted on Saturday.

After 18 months of Zoom, Westminster is back. Last night hacks, politicians, lobbyists and kebab shop owners came together in the name of kebabs. In what the Prime Minister described in a special video message as ‘Westminster’s most hotly anticipated culinary event of the year’, an unlikely group assembled including the new education secretary Nadhim Zahawi, former Leader of the Opposition Jeremy Corbyn, Labour frontbencher Rosena Allin-Khan and Barry Gardiner, fresh from his debut at Tory conference. While the evening began on a serious note – with a minute’s silence for the late Sir David Amess – it quickly moved to the power of grilled meat.

In his bid to reverse Brexit, Lord Adonis has demonstrated few qualms in using any weapon at his disposal. For years now Britain's most ironically-titled peer has been keeping up a one man Twitter war, stalking the jungles of social media like some Japanese warrior fighting a campaign that ended 30 years ago. Now though, it appears his latest cynical attack on a member of the government has backfired in spectacular style. Adonis, who has previously demonstrated little interest in green issues, suddenly found himself most exercised at the beginning of the week when he saw the government embroiled in difficulties over its Environment Bill.

Steerpike doesn't browse Novara Media much these days. The Corbynista website has ceased to have much in the way of news value since the Magic Grandpa stood down as Labour leader early last year. Nowadays the unholy trinity of literal communist Ash Sarkar, under-employed YouTuber Michael Walker and David Brent tribute act Aaron Bastani spend most of their time moaning on Twitter about Keir Starmer's beastliness to their comrades on the left.  But now Mr S has found an unlikely common cause with the Trotskyite trio. Novara has today announced that Google-owned YouTube has deleted their channel, supposedly without warning or explanation.

It’s a big week for fans of high politics and hobnobbing. Prior to the launch of Sunday’s COP26 shindig there is first the small matter of the G20 summit in Rome. And while the attention of many attendees – chief among them Britain’s Boris Johnson – will no doubt be on green gambits and climate diplomacy, there are fears that other crucial issues risk being overlooked in the dash towards Net Zero. Chief among these are the various abuses committed by President Xi’s China towards the Uyghur Muslims and the effective destruction of Hong Kong. Xi himself is not expected to physically attend the summit, not having left China since the Covid pandemic began in January 2020.