Nick Newman

‘I’m sorry, Spoon, but I think it’s safer to run off with a knife.’

‘I believe NHS dentists exist though I’ve never actually seen one.’

‘At least a thermonuclear bomb should warm things up a bit.’

‘Due to manpower shortages, I can’t find enough men for a press gang.’

‘This is the Red Sea – I’m not taking chances.’

‘All I want for Christmas is UHU.’

‘If you think this is dismal you should see the real world.’

‘It’s a gift from the Greek Prime Minister.’

‘This sort of thing happens when you’re over 60’

‘I’ll see what the Chancellor has to offer.’

‘It’s peerless prose’

‘Keep the humans outside – they get distressed by what goes on indoors.’

‘START THE BOATS!’

‘Any good with bedbugs?’