The Garrick Club
‘I’m not joining the Garrick Club until they move with the times!’
Nick Newman
Thursday
Our relationship
‘Our relationship has gone from bad to special’
Thursday
Muzzled
‘If you can’t control your owner he’ll have to be muzzled.’
PCR test
‘It’s daylight swabbery.’
Thursday
Goldilocks, breaking and entering. You?
‘Goldilocks, breaking and entering. You?’
Thursday
You shall go to the wall!
‘You shall go to the wall!’
Thursday
Track and trace app
‘Don’t mention the Track and Trace app — she’s overly sensitive.’
Healthy eating report
‘I’d take it with a pinch of salt.’
Thursday
QR codes
‘I hope they don’t drop QR codes before I’ve found out what they are.’
Fired from cannon
‘I shall now be fired from the cannon into a bucket — without a mask!’
Was it joyful exuberance or the depths of despair!
‘Was it joyful exuberance or the depths of despair!’
Thursday
My desk used to be lovely and unspoilt
‘My desk used to be lovely and unspoilt.’
Peace in the Sausage War
‘Hurrah! It’s peace in the Sausage War!’
Thursday
Less Hassle
‘We’re going to space because it’s less hassle than going to Portugal.’
Thursday
Bend the rules!
‘Bend the rules! Move the goalposts! Kick it into touch!’
Never’s good for me
‘How about never? Never’s good for me.’
Thursday
Postcard from neighbours
‘It’s a postcard from our neighbours on staycation next door.’
Thursday
As a keen cyclist
‘As a keen cyclist, Boris would want us to ignore the traffic lights.’
Thursday
Explosive dossier
‘That’s a relief — we feared you had an explosive dossier.’
Thursday
Free to cancel
‘We’re free to cancel going abroad.’
