Mark Wood

‘We have nothing in common. Our Instagram feeds are so different.’

‘I can’t move back in with my parents as they’ve already moved back in with their parents.’

‘Yes, we would like pudding – 5,000 steps and we’ll be back.’

‘I’ve heard you can turn it into wine…’

‘We had to remove the Hall of Mirrors because of complaints about body shaming.’

‘Oh my, you’ve grown a lot since I last saw you.’

‘You can’t complain to the chef, the kitchen is his safe space’

‘…the wheels on the electric bus go round and round, until it needs to charge…’

‘I don’t need it any more. I’ve gone cashless.’

‘When I said “they” are coming to dinner, there’s only one of them.’

‘Now lift your chin up to the ceiling, away from your phone.’

‘No thanks. While my phone is charging I use my tablet.’