KJ Lamb

‘And your partner – is he locally-sourced?’

‘I’m OK with the swearing bit.’

‘It’s a commemorative coin – to remind us of when we had money.’

‘Thankfully Gerald, everyone agrees that your masculinity is non-toxic.’

‘Take me to your catchment area!’

‘And how long have you had these feelings of emptiness?’

‘He’s doing his out-of-work experience.’

‘It’s the economy, Cupid.’

‘I believe it’s a programme about hospitals.’

‘I’m sorry, the yoga classes have been cancelled – we’re overstretched.’

‘It said “serve at room temperature”, so I chilled it for a few hours.’

‘We come bearing unwanted gifts.’

‘And what can you bring to the stable?’

‘Might I suggest something whose bitter perfume breathes a life of gathering gloom?’