KJ Lamb

‘You’ve had work done, haven’t you?’

‘I’m afraid that the festive good cheer wasn’t sustainable.’

‘These feelings of elf-loathing – are they affecting your work?’

‘Message from the Hendersons – they’re sorry we didn’t quite make their Christmas card list this year, but Happy Christmas anyway.’

‘Ah! The village Green.’

‘Trigger or treat?’

‘I’ve said I don’t want Tony Blair at our Christmas drinks – but what if he turns up anyway?’

‘Would you prefer to hear your operation’s been cancelled by email, post, SMS, phone, WhatsApp, Google Chat – or all of the above?’

‘Don’t tell anyone, but it’s my emotional support parrot.’

‘I can’t sleep, I’m so excited about the prospect of a new Labour deputy leader.’

‘What does AI recommend?’

‘It’s time to consider your options.’