KJ Lamb

‘How influencer-endorsed is the duck?’

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It followed her to school one day, which was not against the rules as it was her support animal

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‘May I bet on your vote?’

‘You’ve had work done, haven’t you?’

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The art of the meal deal

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Seashells

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‘I’m afraid that the festive good cheer wasn’t sustainable.’

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‘These feelings of elf-loathing – are they affecting your work?’

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‘Message from the Hendersons – they’re sorry we didn’t quite make their Christmas card list this year, but Happy Christmas anyway.’

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You will meet a tall dark stranger

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Ah! The village Green

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Dept for migration

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Trigger or treat?

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I’ve said I don’t want Tony Blair at our Christmas drinks – but what if he turns up anyway?

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Would you prefer to hear your operation’s been cancelled by email, post, SMS, phone, WhatsApp, Google Chat – or all of the above?

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‘Don’t tell anyone, but it’s my emotional support parrot.’

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